Maximal Ep. 377 | Disrespectful Family (Video) (Patreon)

The Minimalists speak with therapist and author Lori Gottlieb about living with family members who don’t respect boundaries, processing grief, embarrassment about trauma, whether we should minimize hope, task avoidance, how to get out of your own way, and more!

Discussed in this episode:

How do we create a detente with loved ones who are completely intractable? (01:47)

How do we bring meaningful change to our relationships? (04:44)

What is “the parentified child”? (11:11)

What do you consider the ‘cost of admission’ for relationships? (14:05)

What are your views regarding nonnegotiables? (14:23)

Why is it so difficult for many to discover alternative solutions for problems in their lives? (15:14)

Why are boundaries rarely respected? (17:25)

How do we effectively manage the overwhelming feelings involved in the death of a loved one? (19:23)

What is “forced forgiveness”? (20:12)

What are your perspectives regarding grief? (20:35)

How do we eliminate generational trauma? (26:13)

How do I let go of the shame associated with my persistent anxiety? (28:24)

How do we consistently recognize and manage our feelings? (29:07)

Why do you consider hope pointless? (38:20)

How are desire and envy helpful? (40:41)

How can we use regret to our benefit? (42:55)

How do I get out of my own way when pursuing my goals in life? (49:21)

What do you mean by “be who you are”? (51:29)

What is the value of resistance? (56:21)

Segment: Lightning Round (1:03:06)

How do I tactfully tell others to mind their own business when they intrude on my personal affairs? (1:03:40)

Segment: Right Here, Right Now (1:06:38)

How do I better manage my OCD so I can be more present as a parent? (1:07:24)

What is the difference between balance and contentment? (1:07:39)

Listener comments and minimalism tips. (1:10:36)

Segment: More About Less (1:13:05)

Segment: Talkaboutables (1:28:46)

What is “The Duplicates Rule”? (1:29:00)

Segment: Obsolete Objects (1:36:44)

Segment: Sucky Ads (1:41:04)

Segment: Photo Friday Home Tour (1:45:41)

How do I value apologies and forgiveness more appropriately? (1:48:23)

How do I comfortably meet new people as an introvert? (1:58:31)

Segment: Added Value (2:06:02)

LINKS

Article: “Clutter Is Good for You”

Book: Love People, Use Things

Book: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Book: Minimalist Rulebook

Book: The Sedona Method

Event: Sunday Symposium

Health: 75 Hard Challenge

Hire: The Minimalists

Podcast: Cluttercore

Podcast: Dear Therapists Podcast

Podcast: Kapil Gupta

Podcast: Hoarders

Podcast: How to Love

Resources: The Minimalists

Subscribe: The Minimalists

Watch: Less Is Now

Watch: Minimalism

Website: Lori Gottlieb

MAXIMS

Every relationship has a cost of admission.

Grief is a byproduct of love.

Your feelings are not real: they are an internalized response to trauma, expectations, and beliefs that don’t serve you.

Hope is the measure of future regrets.

Once you understand the why, the how takes care of itself.

Resistance is a finger pointing toward meaningful experiences.

Fulfilling other people’s expectations is not fulfilling.

You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.

Life has a 100% mortality rate. —Lori Gottlieb

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