Maximal Ep. 358 | Relationship Clutter (Video) (Patreon)

The Minimalists are joined by licensed therapists Vanessa Bennett and John Kim to discuss relationship clutter, breaking the blame cycle, attachment styles, and more!

Discussed in this episode:

Why did Vanessa Bennett and John Kim write It’s Not Me, It’s You? (02:04)

How do I search intentionally for a life partner without becoming consumed by that pursuit? (04:09)

Does a need for relationships inevitably cause relationship clutter? (05:55)

What is the danger in prioritizing my partner’s needs? (07:52)

What is your perspective regarding codependency? (08:44)

How do you maintain your joy without making others that are suffering feel that you’re not compassionate? (09:40)

Is it a matter of personal responsibility to always accept blame? (11:19)

What is your perspective regarding the Law of Attraction with respect to relationships? (17:29)

Why is it important to recognize the distinction between the ‘what’ and the ‘how’? (23:55)

What is the difference between ‘chasing’ and ‘attracting’ states? (25:53)

When is it appropriate in a relationship to discuss intimate details? (26:48)

What are some appropriate resources for sexual concerns? (34:00)

Segment: More About Less (38:02)

How do I reclaim my identity in a relationship that came with cultural expectations? (48:57)

How do we determine and set an appropriate pace in the development of a relationship? (52:01)

Why is it important to separate attachment from expectation? (54:03)

What are the two primary needs of humans? (54:13)

What are the four different attachment types? (57:03)

What are the three essential components of relationships? (1:00:03)

Is a relationship doomed to fail if you don’t love yourself more than your partner? (1:03:51)

Segment: Lightning Round (1:14:51)

What are the pros and cons of legal marriage? (1:15:32)

Listener comments and minimalism tips. (1:20:20)

Segment: Talkaboutables (1:25:16)

Why is racism such a contentious topic of discussion? (1:29:27)

What is your perspective regarding alternatives to public education? (1:32:24)

What are horizontal and vertical networks? (1:36:35)

What is the danger in accepting conventions in education? (1:38:11)

Segment: Amass It or Trash It (1:41:53)

Segment: Impulse Purchases (1:42:30)

Segment: Advertisements Suck (1:50:54)

Segment: Obsolete Objects (1:57:13)

Segment: Photo Friday Home Tour (2:00:14)

What is your view regarding minimalism being a lifestyle of privilege? (2:03:46)

Segment: Right Here, Right Now (2:12:00)

What did you learn from your first Sunday Symposium event? (2:13:34)

Segment: Added Value (2:16:13)

LINKS

Added Value: “Sneakers”

App: Nothing

Book: Everything That Remains

Book: I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck

Book: It’s Not Me, It’s You

Book: Love People, Use Things

Book: Minimalist Rulebook

Event: Sunday Symposium

Podcast: Cheaper Than Therapy

Podcast: How to Love

Podcast: Christopher Kelly

Podcast: The Angry Therapist Podcast

Resources: The Minimalists

Subscribe: The Minimalists

Text: 937-202-4654

Watch: Less Is Now

Watch: Privilege Is Irrelevant

Website: Vanessa Bennett

Website: John Kim

MAXIMS

Needing a relationship is the source of relationship clutter.

Attraction is a mirror of our aspirations.

Fear is a consequence of future consequences.

Chemistry, compatibility, and love constitute the holy trinity of every relationship.

It is impossible to love someone without self-love.

Contracts inform us about the past; handshakes inform us about the future.

Learn to fight without fighting. —John Kim

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