Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't (Chapter 5) (Patreon)

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As I neared the main house, I heard people talking and laughing. Even Lily sounded like she was having a good time—a rarity, at least when I was around. It actually made me feel a bit bad, knowing the mood would sour as soon as I showed up, but I had my orders.

Carefully rounding my house; that is to say, the wood-shed I slept in, I could see the three of them through the kitchen window. From the plume of white smoke rising out of the chimney, I knew they were preparing lunch. Here, people usually ate their first meal around noon after working up an appetite.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the kitchen side door before walking in. The talking stopped for a moment before Grace stuck her head out from behind a shelf, spotting me.

“Ah, it’s Arne!”

I almost returned her smile, but then Lily emerged with her hands on her hips. She was actually a pretty good-looking woman—dark-haired and in her mid-thirties. She had a great figure too, though her usual modest dress warded off any indecent gazes.

My stepmother looked me up and down, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“Lunch isn’t ready yet.”

I stood there awkwardly, scrunching my wool cap in my hand. Despite knowing I wasn’t at fault for my presence in this household, I couldn’t help feeling a misplaced sense of guilt for existing.

Frankly, I didn’t understand what drove Jed to cheat on his wife. As I’ve already said, Lily was an attractive woman—there weren’t many who compared to her in Westbrook.

Aside from Jed not being able to keep it in his pants, the only thing I could think of was her not being able to have kids after Erik. I mean, she and Jed were still… you know. At least, I assumed that was the case from hearing certain odd noises now and then.

What I’m saying is, it’s strange my brother didn’t have a few extra siblings by now. Maybe Jed felt the same way, which is why he did what he did.

Anyway, returning to the present, I lowered my head before clearing up Lily’s misunderstanding.

“There wasn’t anything else for me to do in the forge, so I was sent to help…”

An uncomfortable silence stretched in the kitchen as I just stood there, waiting for my stepmother to say something. After staring at me for a while, the look in her eyes not exactly approving, she sighed.

“The kitchen can’t take four people. Wait outside, then take the scraps to feed the pigs.”

After speaking, she turned and disappeared around the corner, not sparing me another glance.

Grace, who’d watched the entire exchange quietly, gave me a secretive smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll save you some-…”

However, before she could finish, Lily’s voice suddenly rang inside the kitchen.

“Grace, darling, Erik needs your help with the vegetables. You know he can’t peel to save his life.”

A moment of awkwardness passed between the blonde and I before she grimaced apologetically, her head disappearing back behind the shelf.

Suppressing a sigh, I didn’t loiter any longer, doing as I was told.

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While feeding the pigs, I reflected on the fact that my brother didn’t greet me. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised—he always acted indifferent when his mother was around. I don’t blame him either; there was nothing to be gained from involving himself in our quarrel…

…though it was less a quarrel and more a one-sided dislike on Lily’s part. That being said, I didn’t really have any ill-feelings toward her—while she didn’t like me very much, my stepmother never doled out anything more than a tongue-lashing. Not like Jed.

“Hey.”

Suddenly, a boyish voice – seemingly in the process of cracking – spoke from behind. Turning my head, I immediately spotted Erik standing behind me.

‘Speak of the devil and he shall appear.’

Though, the devil in question was only fourteen this year, in the middle of a transition toward adulthood. He was tall, rapidly closing the gap between himself and Jed, but a bit too rakish. His hands and feet also seemed a little large, like they’d grown faster than the rest of him.

That being said, he was still a handsome young man, having inherited the best qualities from both father and mother. Like Lily, he had fair skin, dark hair and blue eyes, but with Jed’s solid build. It was in contrast to myself, who looked the most like Jed, but more thinly-boned.

Returning to the present, I gave him a smirk.

“Wow, Grace came all this way to see you, but you actually left her to greet your little brother. I’m impressed.”

I gave a thumbs-up with my one hand while scraping out vegetable peels with the other.

Erik frowned, but I didn’t miss the hint of color appearing on his cheeks. Handsome as he was, he was only a teenager and insecure about those types of things.

“…Mom says to come eat after you’re done, Arne.”

After speaking, he turned and left just like that, leaving me to scratch my head in silence. It wasn’t normal for an older brother to allow his younger brother to tease him—at least in the past, Erik wouldn’t have hesitated to start a fistfight over a comment like that.

Recently, he’d grown in more ways than one—the boisterous kid I’d known turning into a silent, stoic young man.

‘Could he be going through ‘that’ phase?’

Recalling my own journey into emo-ness, I shivered inwardly. In light of that, I supposed I couldn’t tease him too much; it would be hypocritical of me. But then again, I never claimed to be a morally upstanding individual.

Putting thoughts of mischief aside, I tossed the last scraps to the pigs, checking to see if they all got their share. There was a tendency for the bigger ones to ‘hog’ all the food, if you’ll pardon my pun.

When I was certain they’d all eaten, I stowed the plank bucket before going to wash my hands.

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Two straight tables stood in the kitchen, arranged into an ‘L’ shape. As custom dictated, we seated ourselves on the outside ends, leaving half of both tables empty.

I was surprised to see Jed there, not having noticed his arrival. He took the ‘head’ seat in the middle with Lily and Erik on both sides, and Grace sitting next to Jason. Despite there being space next to Lily, I sat at the other table.

Understandably, our guest found this odd judging from the glances she kept sending my way.

“Arne, for goodness’ sake, why are you sitting over there?”

The question came from Lily, staring at me with exasperation.

Suddenly being called out like that, I felt my face turning red. However, it wasn’t exactly out of embarrassment, but more out of anger. Usually, I was made to eat outside. The fact that things were different today was simply because of Lily and Jed not wanting to look bad in front of Grace.

However, I didn’t say any of that, simply apologizing, getting up and sitting next to Lily.

“Uhm, sorry.”

When we were all neatly seated like ducks in a row, Jed clasped his hands and prayed a few short sentences. Honestly, the words sounded extremely out-of-place coming from him, but it was something he did now and then, so I wasn’t too surprised.

After he was done, I shoved my wooden spoon into my bowl without preamble, bringing the food to my mouth, tasting the thin soup. As a person from the modern world, I always had a misconception about how food worked during medieval times—that is to say, I thought winter was the hardest season of the year.

Contrary to expectations, the period right after winter’s end and before the next harvest was the most difficult, people’s food stores being at their lowest point during the year. For that reason, we were basically eating gruel without even a scrap of meat.

Yet, as I was thinking such thoughts, my eyes involuntarily wandered to the others’ bowls, noticing their soup seemed a bit thicker, more flavorful and aromatic.

Sighing inwardly, I put such envious thoughts out of my head. Even if they ate a little better than myself, the difference was extremely small. It was like having a couple of pennies in your pocket when someone else had a dollar—either case was still poverty.

Aside from the subdued sounds of eating and scraping cutlery, the room was silent. However, it wasn’t awkward—rather, everyone was too busy enjoying their first meal of the day. Despite my arguably poor food, I counted among them.

Hunger was indeed the best cook, but Lily wasn’t too bad either. Salted and seasoned, the gruel wasn’t completely tasteless. A thin film of oil also gleamed on the surface—an unexpected treat. Usually, excess fat was skimmed off to be used for other stuff like greasing metal joints, or just greasing tools to prevent rust.

“How’s your mother doing, Grace?”

Eventually, Lily broke the silence, making eye-contact with her future daughter-in-law. It might have seemed a bit premature of me to say something like that, given she was only thirteen and Jason fourteen, but things worked differently here—whether my modern sensibilities approved or not.

The blonde finished chewing with some embarrassment, holding her hand in front of her mouth.

“She’s doing fine…”

Lily nodded, her expression not showing much change.

“That makes seven, doesn’t it? You must be used to taking care of your little brothers and sisters by now.”

Grace laughed embarrassedly.

“My big sister does that because I’m not very good at it. They’re so naughty and always complain too much. If you don’t give them what they want, they throw tantrums and break things. Especially Stevie…”

She stayed silent for a moment, apparently mulling over her next words.

“…that’s why it’s always nice to come visit. It’s quiet here and everyone’s so polite to each other. I wish it was like this at my house.”

As a home-maker, Lily was understandably pleased from having her household complimented. However, aside from her lips curving slightly, she didn’t much show it. In that sense, she and Jed were rather well matched, being about as emotional as two blocks of wood—unless we were talking about anger, which neither had trouble expressing.

Considering this, I started to wonder whether their behavior and mannerisms were rubbing off on Erik. Certainly, children followed their parents’ example. It would be unfortunate if the happy-go-lucky kid I’d known for years disappeared due to bad influences.

However, before I could continue that track of thought, Lily spoke.

“You’re always welcome here, dear. In fact, go ahead and think of it as your own house—we’re all glad to have you.”

Smiling warmly, she reached over and patted Grace’s hand.

It needed to be said that, not only was this more affection than she’d shown me in a lifetime, even Erik didn’t usually hear such kind words from his mother. Honestly, aside from sleeping and eating inside the house - as well as the odd head-pat – his treatment wasn’t all that different from mine.

‘Did she always want a girl or something?’

Fixing my eyes on the incomprehensible woman, I absentmindedly spooned some brined cabbage into my mouth.

“It’s not polite to stare so hard, Arne. And don’t eat so slowly, the food will get cold.”

Without even looking at me, Lily apparently found a few things to criticize.

Lowering my eyes, I automatically brought the bowl up to my chin.

“Yes, sorry.”

My obedience was basically conditioned at this point. However, before someone calls me out for not having a spine, I’d like to say I didn’t have much of a choice. While Lily never hit me, Jed certainly would if I talked back to his wife.

“By the way Grace, I heard father John started teaching you how to read.”

Returning her attention to her new favorite child, the thirty-something woman put her chin in her hands, waiting expectantly for a response.

Grace nodded shyly.

“Uhm, yes. I’ve been learning for a few months now and can read most simple sentences…”

Lily’s expression brightened, her eyes filled with admiration and praise.

“That’s incredible, dear. I wish my boys were as smart as you—just teaching them how to tie their shoelaces was already difficult; I doubt they’d ever be able to string a sentence together.”

The matter-of-fact-ness in her tone caused both my and Jason’s faces to distort, feeling inexplicably wronged. Me in particular, since I tried to get that fat, old priest to teach me, but not only did he refuse, he wouldn’t even let me take a look at one of his books. As it was, I’d barely gotten a handful of glances at this world’s text.

Exchanging glances with my brother, I could see he was starting to regret bringing his girlfriend home, a sentiment I certainly agreed with.

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