Gaston - Prologue (Patreon)

Gosh, its awesome to see him (Gaston).

He’s never down in the dumps!

Every guy here'd love to be him (Gaston)

even when taking his lumps.

There's no man in town as admired as him,

he's everyone's favorite guy!

Everyone's awed and inspired by him

and it's not very hard to see why:

No one's slick as Gaston.

No one's quick as Gaston.

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston

For there's no man in town half as manly!

(perfect, a pure paragon)

Ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley,

and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!

Who plays darts like Gaston?

Who breaks hearts like Gaston?

Who’s much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?

As a specimen, yes, he’s intimidating;

my, what a guy, that Gaston!

He doesn’t need encouragement,

you boneheaded fools.

The only ones who need encouragement is you!

(Was that too much? I say no.)

No one fights like Gaston,

douses lights like Gaston.

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

When he hunts, he sneaks up with his quiver –

beasts of the field say a prayer!

First he carefully aims for the liver…

then he shoots from behind!

Is that fair?

He doesn’t care.

No one hits like Gaston,

matches wits like Gaston.

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston.

(He’s especially good at expectorating!)

Ten points for Gaston!

When he was a lad he ate four dozen eggs

every morning to help him get large.

And now that he’s grown he eats five dozen eggs,

so he’s roughly the size of a barge!

Who has brains?

Entertains?

Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston?

(He uses antlers in all of his decorating!)

Say it again:

Who’s a man amongst men?

Who’s a super success?

Don’t you know?

Can’t you guess?

Ask his fans and his end(less) hangers-on!

There’s just one guy in town who’s got all of it down!

And his name’s G-A-S-T-O-N

GASTON!