Monstrous - Chapter 5 (Patreon)

To come into existence was somewhat like waking from a dreamless sleep.

Gradually, awareness came; sounds, flashes of dim light and other tidbits of information. Occasionally, sounds could be heard: voices. Individual words were impossible to distinguish, as if the listener was submerged deep underwater.

The consciousness became curious. What were these things? It wished to interact with them, to understand them – yet, it was unable. It had no such power. It could do nothing but wait.

Over time, the consciousness began to see. The things it saw were initially dim, but grew in vibrancy as time passed. Colours - flowing, twirling and endlessly churning around it.

Two colourful shapes in particular stood out to it. The closest one was volatile, constantly changing from one hue to another. One moment it was anxious, the next it was calm. One moment it was sad, the next it was happy. The being was not fond of this instability. Its peace was disturbed, and its thoughts were interrupted.

The second shape was much different from the first. It was larger and much darker. It seemed as if it was made from many colours, concentrated and then mixed together.

Looking closer at this black mass, one could see something like a collection of thin, white veins running through it. These glowing wires spanned the entirety of the black mass, accumulating at its very top in the form of two shining, white orbs.

The consciousness found comfort in that unwavering gaze. Despite the dark, violent undercurrents that ran beneath, it was calm. Whenever the young being became unsettled by the unpredictable ebb and flow of the closest entity, it would turn its attention to that dark, stable pillar.

It could feel itself growing and changing towards… something. It was greatly impatient towards this process. It wanted to reach a state where it could interact with the colours that surrounded it, as soon as possible.

It wriggled unhappily where it sat. This action, of course, unsettled the closest being, making it release a whisp of fear.

The newly born mind resolved itself to cut all ties with the bothersome thing, as soon as it gained its freedom.

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Alrüna travelled with the beast… no, Gévaudan. They were able to communicate much more effectively than she’d anticipated. After some discussion, she’d been able to convince it to travel southwards. Winter was coming, and that season was always more intense the further north one went. She had no desire to experience a harsh winter this year.

She struggled to think of the monster as a human. She hadn’t spoken its name out loud since that day, and within her own mind she still thought of it as a demon. Her personal feelings were… complicated.

The utility of traveling with the creature couldn’t be denied. She practically had no duties in this party. It did all the hunting, it found the water sources, it discovered or constructed their shelters.

Rather than setting her at ease, these things made her more uncomfortable.

What did it want from her? True, she was the only one able to start fires, but it had no practical need for those. It could eat its food raw, and it had night vision. Her presence was unnecessary.

She’d expected the thing to pounce on her in her sleep, but days passed nothing of the sort happened. She’d tried to probe its motivations, but it had remained suspiciously silent, its scribbled runes redirecting to a different topic.

Her paranoia had almost resulted in a panic attack when she’d woken one night to find red, snakelike eyes staring unblinkingly at her. She’d collapsed their shelter in a burst of uncontrolled magic, almost killing herself.

Initially, she’d held out some hope that they would be able to become something like… acquaintances. However, that was impossible. A human could never be at ease while in its presence. It felt unnatural.

Instead of becoming more at ease, she became more irritated and fearful by day. Every night she went to sleep, she’d see that devilish visage staring into her soul. Every morning, she’d wake up exhausted and jumpy.

She wanted to leave, but where would she go? It had become very clear to her that the outside world was much more dangerous than she’d ever imagined. The things that had ambushed them and even the prey brought in by the demon-wolf made her blood run cold.

The forests were endlessly deep. About a week ago, they’d arrived at a particularly strange area. It was almost like a different world. The woods quickly swallowed them within its dark bowls, the only visible light being a few stray beams that filtered through the treetops.

The vegetation was so dense that she frequently scraped herself bloody against the grasping branches. The monster, despite being much larger than her, had no such troubles. It always seemed able to find a gap where the environment aligned itself just-so, slipping over, underneath or through the brush. It had offered to carry her, but she declined. The closer she was to the thing, the harder it became to control her mood.

She had no idea where they were. She’d attempted to keep track of their journey, but that had quickly become impossible. She was terribly lost. If it decided to abandon her at this moment, she had no doubt that she’d die in this forest, never able to find her way out.

Eventually, it stopped their journey. She dropped to her knees, exhausted. Every mile of the journey was like a battle – them against the hostile woods. When Alrüna had thought of leaving her village, this isn’t what she’d had in mind. She’d anticipated… something different from this. Not endlessly slogging through inhospitable environments, hiding from predators, eating an unvaried diet and, above all, accompanying a psychologically hazardous devil.

It felt like forever since she’d last spoken to another human being. She didn’t expect the world beyond the mountains to be so barren of even a trace of humanity. No villages, no wandering tribes, no mysterious druids living in the forest – nothing even remotely similar to the stories Rahl had told her. She even missed the conflicts with the other villagers; the non-violent ones, at least.

She was coming to realize that she was not made for isolation.

She looked at the thing which had clambered up the trunk of an absolutely gargantuan ironwood. As the days passed, it had become very clear that it was better for her mentality if the monster rested some distance away from her.

She took a waterskin from the rolled-up pelt she kept on her back, sipping from it. Water was not too hard to come by, the omnipresent evening mist serving to substitute for a lack of rain. Small puddles of water would condensate on some of the larger leaves, allowing her to easily keep her waterskin filled.

Making a fire, she took two plucked birds and started roasting them. She’d caught these herself, at least.

At the start of their journey, she’d started feeling a bit more comfortable around Gévaudan. However, he felt completely different now than he had at that time. His actions were still the same, but… he was changing.

With every hunt, every kill, the evil aura around him grew thicker. The things he fought and slew were things she would never even consider eating. Corrupted creatures similar to… him. That was one of the reasons why she’d recently been putting more effort into hunting for herself.

The thing-… he was much bigger than what he’d been at that time. Gévaudan was frighteningly thin during their first encounter – more bone and sinew than anything else. Now, thick, chorded muscle was growing underneath its-… his skin.

Even his furry hide could no longer mask the powerful body that lied underneath. He’d been able to pass for some kind of evil, overgrown animal, but… that was no longer the case.

Demon.

There was no other way to describe him, now. Every sense, magical and non-magical, were telling her that she was in grave danger, no matter how things appeared. Nothing benevolent could ever look like that.

After she finished eating, she laid down. Her body was tired, but it was her mind that she was worried about. Day-by-day, she could feel herself slipping down the slope of madness. She needed to rest. Unfortunately, the land of dreams provided no respite. She was assaulted by all manner of things, real and fictional. She had trouble distinguishing between the mutated midnight assailants Gévaudan slew and the things that visited her in her dreams.

Alrüna closed her eyes with dread. She didn’t so much as fall asleep as she was dragged forcefully into it by her own exhaustion.

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The consciousness watched as the closest body tumbled through the color-scape, uncontrolled. It followed after.

As its abilities became more developed, the young being had started to protect that stupid thing. Its own physical body was somehow dependent on that of the floundering shape in front of it - it had no choice.

It pursued after, slapping away any tendrils of colour that emitted so much as a hint of ill intent. The deeper they went, the more the falling shape became entangled in the web of other things – some benign, some malignant. It started struggling futilely, stray thoughts releasing as if it were a squid squirting ink into water.

Coming close, the consciousness lashed out at the stray thoughts, destroying them. In this place, giving away any information about the self was the last thing any being should be doing. With an absentminded wave, a space was cleared around the falling body, stopping its descent.

The body immediately relaxed, the cobwebs having been brushed from its mind. Then, noticing the foreign presence so close to itself, it became startled. The consciousness had only recently gained the strength to be able to communicate with others. Today, it really wanted to give this other thing a piece of its mind.

“Stupid. Weak. Useless.” It was still unable to convey complex messages, so it had to settle for shoving its emotions at the other being.

Any gratitude the other body had felt towards itself quickly disappeared. The consciousness watched in silence as the thing squirmed in discomfort.

A sneaky thing with a long, sucking mouth sneaked up behind the other being. The consciousness obliterated it with a single thought. The other thing watched, awestruck.

‘Is that… a god?’ It didn’t voluntarily ask this, but the consciousness was able to glean the query from its surface thoughts.

The consciousness was intrigued. It didn’t know what a ‘god’ was. Was that its own identity? It would have to think on this a bit more.

“Leave.”

The consciousness roughly shoved the other being out of this place. It couldn’t do the things it wanted to while this other thing was here. Having to protect it was very distracting – it was better if it left.

The other thing struggled against the push, but its own abilities were simply too feeble to resist. A moment later, its presence was gone from the astral world.

The consciousness thought of the black thing. Its original goal was to communicate with that being, but it had been interrupted by the weak one’s presence. Some times its own-self was weaker, other times it was stronger: now was such a time. It wanted to take this window of opportunity to greet the big one.

Excitement.

It could sense that dark presence – it wasn’t too far away. The consciousness travelled in its direction, drawing in on itself to became like a grain of sand, carried away by the current.

As it grew closer, the feelings became clearer: fear, pain, anticipation, superiority, hunger. These emotional pulses came from two different things. Arriving near their location, the consciousness saw their forms: a familiar black one and a larger brown one speckled with flecks of red.

The black one was the first to notice its presence. Arcs of white sparked through its body as the two shining circles fell noticed the consciousness’ presence. The big brown one took this opportunity to pounce, seeing its opponents distracted state.

The shadowy being’s gaze returned to its adversary; its emotional state not disturbed in the least. Its form buzzed, dispersing and reassembling into a different shape.

Invitation.

The black one was communicating, calling the consciousness closer.

Quickly arriving at the dark-one’s side, it concentrated to decipher the rest of the message that was being transmitted. The incoming signal was a bit messy, as the other being was not being very capable at communicating in this place. However, the consciousness was able to understand it.

‘In a moment, strike that spot.’

The consciousness obliged. While it did so, the brown one pounced at the black one.

The shadow rushed forward as well.

The brown one accumulated something in its mouth. However, before that could be released, the young mind’s own blow landed, disturbing the attack’s trajectory.

The black shadow fell upon the brown one in its moment of confusion and vulnerability. It did not understand where the blow dealt to itself came from: the consciousness had concealed its presence too well.

In the end, they were victorious. The consciousness' dark companion set to devouring the kill. It watched the act with curiosity. That thing didn’t seem appetizing in the least. Initially, it had no concept of ‘eating’ – it had learned from that from the being in front of it.

Aside from its own naturally increasing strength, it had also started swallowing some of the lighter, more harmless things that sometimes entered the astral world. The consciousness found those to be rather tasty.

It watched as the black thing finished its meal, the darkness that constituted it becoming more concentrated from absorbing their prey’s own existence.

A word was communicated to the consciousness:

“Gévaudan.”

The consciousness was confused. The black thing was the source of this new information. It drew closer to the dark shadow, wanting to strengthen their bridge of communication.

“My name is Gévaudan. Not ‘black thing’ or ‘dark one’.” It said, amused.

The consciousness felt both embarrassed indignant. How was it supposed to know the thing’s identity?

“Communicate as I do. Don’t just ‘think’.”

The consciousness didn’t want to. That way was slow and annoying.

“Some beings will be unable to understand pure thought.”

Well, the consciousness had no interest in communicating with such unintelligent existences.

“Hmph... It is better to have a skill and not need it than to need it and not have it.”

The consciousness eyed the black thing-… no, Gévaudan. Very well, it could see the wisdom in such a statement. It would learn to communicate in a more concrete way.

“Help… to eat.” The consciousness tried to communicate its desire. It had helped Gévaudan catch food, now he needed to reciprocate.

“Hm… Very well. But you must locate it yourself.” Gévaudan replied.

The consciousness affirmed.

The two beings, one physical and one incorporeal, headed into the forest’s shadowy bowls in search of more prey.

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Alrüna woke up at the crack of dawn, a sharp ray of light penetrating her eyelids through a gap in the trees. She sat up groggily, grabbing at her waterskin where it sat an arm distance away. After shoving some herbs and ash in her mouth, she rubbed it across her teeth and tongue. She took a mouthful of water, slushing and gargling, before spitting it on the ground.

Unswaddling herself from her fur blanket, she stood up and went to attend to her needs. She didn’t see the m-… Gévaudan anywhere nearby.

She remembered dreaming something… Most of the details escaped her, but she clearly remembered encountering a burning, golden presence. She could remember speaking to it, but she couldn’t remember what they talked about.

Finishing her business, she returned to the giant ironwood tree that landmarked their camp. On the way there, she started feeling somewhat ill. She leaned against a stump, hunching over a little. The sensation became stronger by the moment. Unable to hold it in anymore, Alrüna vomited her stomach’s contents out on the forest floor.

For the rest of the day, she didn’t feel quite like herself. Her body was tired and sore. Gévaudan, noticing her state, didn’t press for them to continue their journey.

She felt better the next day, having had a completely dreamless sleep that left her feeling more rested than she had in weeks. She would continue to encounter that golden figure as the days passed: sometimes meeting it in her dreams, and sometimes seeing it out of the corner of her eye.

She was worried for it. She felt that the devil would certainly try to do something horrible to it if it continued to remain near her. Alrüna was becoming more convinced that the monster had something nefarious planned for her. The powerfully evil aura around it had not stopped growing stronger. If it wasn’t for that godlike being shielding her mind, she would have been in a much worse state.

Her mind had been set at ease during one of the more lucid conversations she’d had with the spirit.

“For one as weak as you to have concern for me is insulting. If you wish to reduce my burden, then strengthen yourself.”

Alrüna wasn’t too happy about the spirit’s attitude, but she dared not voice her objections. It was true that her well of magic was not nearly as deep as its own. Unfortunately, she had no idea how she was to change that fact. She would attempt to think of a solution as the journey south continued.

Finally, they made it out of that terrifying forest. The monster hadn’t been near her for days, instead choosing to keep its distance while remaining within eyesight; it had become more aware of the corrupting effects of its own aura.

She simply followed after its figure, unconcerned about any threats to her person. It had proven to be very capable at dealing with both natural and unnatural predators.

Her psychological state had steadily been recovering due to the monster’s caution, and the help of the mysterious golden presence.

In the days to come, that would change.

It was on a certain morning that she came to notice something disturbing. Her cycle had disappeared. This, coupled with the fact that Alrüna hadn't been able to shake the strange illness...

Impossible.

She stared down at her lower body in mute disbelief. How could she not recognize the signs? She’d server as a healer many times, and had educated and assisted many women with this exact process.

Her head pounded painfully, and she felt something wet on her cheeks. Her hand went up to wipe at it.

She was crying.

She felt both overwhelmed with emotion and completely numb at the same time.

Dread. Horror. Fright. Trepidation. Alarm. Panic. Shock… These feelings crashed powerfully against her, each stronger than the last.

She laughed morbidly, many things becoming clear to her. Alrüna was not a simple-minded woman, after all.

She was pregnant, and she knew who the... other parent was.

One hand went to clutch at her mouth while the other rested lightly on her abdomen. 

She started sobbing loudly.

She thought back to that promise she’d made to herself all those years ago – that, if that rapist had gotten her with child, she’d take her own life.

She searched her feelings, wanting to find that same resolve within her.

What she discovered wasn't something she would ever have anticipated: such an act would be impossible for her.

She softly ran her fingers over her flat stomach. Did it even matter to her if the child was born inhuman?.

No, she would care for it all the same.

Underneath all her negative feelings, she felt… love, excitement and hope.

Her future, which had been bleak and without much to look forward to, had taken on a hint of color.

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