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How Adler Stole Kringlemas, part 4 (Patreon)

Published:
2023-12-22 01:31:41
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But the sound wasn’t sad!

Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn’t be so!

But it WAS merry! Very!

Adler stared down at Yarksberg! It boggled his eyes!

Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Yew-man in Yarksberg, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN’T stopped Kringlemas from coming!

IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And Adler, his elf feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?

“It came without trinkets! It came without greed!

“It came without baubles all wrapped up in tweed!”

And he puzzled, and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.

Then Adler thought something he hadn’t before!

“Maybe Kringlemas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.

“Maybe… to some… it means just a bit more...”

And what happened then…? Well… A few like to say

That Adler’s small brain grew three neurons that day.

And once his thick head wasn't quite so devoid,

He shot down the mountain like an asteroid.

And he brought back the gifts! And the food for the feast!

And he… … HE HIMSELF…!

Adler carved the roast beast!

He gave thanks to Fuma and said, "All is ham.

"Would you mind passing the applesauce, ma'am?"

While… Lost in the throng, Adler paid them no mind.

But had he looked closer, he surely would find

Familiar faces there, watching him rhyme,

And ready to pounce at the opportune time.

They had followed him far from his audience room,

Ready to catch him and claim Kringle's boon!

A shiny new whistle was their promised mark,

And for this they all sat and planned plots in the dark!

Their scheme now relied on Miss Kathy-Slou Drew,

Who distracted Adler while he sipped on drugged stew.

When his face hit his plate and he let out a snore,

The conspirators knew they had made their big score!

They stuffed him inside an un-pook-able sack,

And carried him off on the strongest one's back.

The moral of our story is simple and single:

No matter the temptation, don't mess with the Kringle.

Have a Very Merry Christmas to all you and yours,

And don’t worry about Adler.

You’ll see him again, once he’s finished his chores!

PREV http://www.patreon.com/posts/94687647

NEXT http://www.patreon.com/posts/95459907

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Comments

Walter Reimer

There is no escape, Adler. Should've just surrendered. But what about Lana? Didn't she get caught as well?

tegerio
>>125119583

Interesting question, that. Nobody recalls seeing her at the feast...

Anonymous

(We see Lana sitting in the Story Room. She is sitting in Adler's Chair. She is still wearing her ridiculous Antler disguise and is glaring at the audience with barely restrained contempt) >Lana: You greet the listeners coldly. You'll be reading Adler's manuscript until next week when he returns due to a situation you know SEVERAL of the listeners had a hand in... Unfortunately, you were not at the "Feast" where Adler let his guard down. You left the town in disgust after watching Adler "go native"... So you won't have any leads on who did what until he gets back. Had you been present, you can assure the audience that whole debacle would have gone down differently... And before anyone asks, you're only still wearing the antler because Adler magicked it to stay on because it kept falling off, you won't be able to remove it until he gets back. It would be distasteful to lock everyone in the building and start interrogating people, so until Adler gets back and gives you a list of names, you're going to pretend that you're not sitting in a room full of back-stabbing traitors and pick up where he left of on the story. But mark your words, if anyone makes a wrong move or acts suspiciously, you WILL notice... Anyway *ahem*. . . . >Pellia: It really is here! It's real! This is positively an earth shattering discovery! >Barkingthwaite: Is it really? It technically has already been discovered by Percy, he had it well documented in his book. To take credit for its discovery would be intellectual theft. >Pellia: He knows exactly what you mean! You have confirmation now! And it's not theft! You can start your own research where he left off. Specifically about this "Adler Young" White Elf entity that kept popping up in his work. If half the stories about the white elf you heard are true, your own publishings will put you on the MAP! >Barkingthwaite: Lord Randal. >Pellie: What? >Barkingthwaite: The few research papers published by Percy's grandson clearly states the White Elf is named "Lord Randal", and they do not paint him in a flattering light. His exact words, as you recall, were "Lord Randal, Ye Numpty." >Pellie: Those papers showed clear signs of shoddy research and were very vague. It was obviously a work of fiction he wrote to piggy-back off of his grandfather's success. The very idea of an army of trees attacking an entire city is preposterous. Such an event, if it happened, would be well documented in every archive in Eire. >Barkingthwaite: *he chuckles at this* "Preposterous"? Really? What happened to "How can one expect to achieve enlightenment without faith?" >Pellie: Oh that IMPOSSIBLE man! Did he come out here with you just to be a killjoy naysayer the entire time? >Barkingthwaite: You're just being a realist. >Pellie: A realist? What part of and army of trees besieging a town is realistic?! >Barkingthwaite: Precisely. It's all ridiculous. The only real part of Percy's fairytale writings so far has been this stone circle. >Pellie: That's why you're here! To see if there's any truth to it! The pursuit of folklore to prove or disprove it is a legitimate form of scholarly study. >Barkingthwaite: *Scoffs* What part of chasing fairytales is a legitimate study? Shall you both look for dragons next? >Pellie: How DARE he!!! >Adler: Okay! This is getting ugly, you better step in and deescalate things.