How Adler Stole Kringlemas, part 3 (Patreon)
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Elves do not lie, but Adler was slick.
He told her the truth, but he dressed it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little dolt,” the fake Kringle laughed,
“I’m an elf out for vengeance for getting the shaft.
“I’ll ruin your good times and all you hold dear
“By stealing these symbols of faith and good cheer.”
And then the girl giggled. It went over her head.
She assumed he was joking, and went back to bed.
He arrogantly patted her head like a pup,
Then went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
And the last thing he took was their cellophane fire.
Then Adler split too, and the scene was quite dire.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the only food left in the home there was scant.
A single speck-crumb much too small for an ant.
Then he did the same thing in the other Yew houses,
Leaving crumbs much too small for the ants and the mouses!
. . . (everybody sing along)
You’re a dumb one, Adler Young.
You really are a doof.
You’re as smart as a dead weasel, your ideas are all a spoof, Adler Young.
You’re an ignorant nitwit and a mindless goof!
You’re a moron, Adler Young.
Your head’s an empty hole.
Your brain is full of dust mites, you have sawdust in your skull, Adler Young.
I wouldn’t trust you to so much as pour water in a bowl!
You’re a numskull, Adler Young.
You have less thoughts than a bug.
You have all the thinking power of a brain-dead, drunken slug, Adler Young.
Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the brain-dead, drunken slug!
You’re a dingbat, Adler Young.
Your brain is dried chewing gum.
Your head is full of broken rocks, your thoughts are made of chum, Adler Young.
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, “Dim, damn, dumb!”
You’re a smooth-brain, Adler young.
You’re the king of empty thoughts.
Your head is full of static inside empty, rusty pots, Adler Young.
Your skull is an empty void lacking in even the most basic of functions
Spaced out between frayed, broken threads with nothing to guide them but lightless, dead clots!
You horrify me, Adler Young.
How have you gotten this far?
The few successes you’ve managed in your life are just bizarre, Adler Young.
Because in the land of fools and morons, you’re the undisputed czar!
. . . (everybody who sang is now guilty of sedition and treason against the crown)
Ten-thousand feet up! Right up to the summit
He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it!
“Pooh-Pooh to those Yews!” he was elfishly humming.
“They’re finding out now Kringlemas is not coming!
“They’re just waking up! I know what they’ll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
“Then the Yew-men of Yarksberg will all cry BOO-HOO!
“That’s something,” laughed Adler, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused, and he lifted his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...