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How Adler Stole Kringlemas, part 2 (Patreon)

Published:
2023-12-08 00:54:37
Imported:
2023-12
Tags:

Content

Then he got an idea!

A stupid idea!

ADLER

GOT A MORONIC, STUPID IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” Adler laughed in his throat.

He apported a quick Kringle hat and a coat.

Then he chuckled and clucked, “What a great elfy trick!

“With this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!”

“All I need is a reindeer…”

Adler peered around.

Since he had none employed, there were none to be found.

Did that stop Adler Young…?

No! The elf simply said,

“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”

He called his flooz, Lana. Then he grabbed some red thread

And he tied a big antler on top of her head.

THEN

He loaded some bags

And some old empty sacks

On a magicked-up sleigh

All in proper syntax.

Then Adler said, “Move it!”

And the sleigh started down

Toward the homes where the Yews

Lay a-snooze in their town.

All the windows were dark.  Slushy snow filled the air.

All the Yew-men were dreaming sweet dreams without care.

“This is stop number one,” the fake Kringle hissed

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney - a rather tight pinch,

But if Kringle could do it, it should be a cinch.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he poked his head out of the fireplace flue,

Where he saw yew-man stockings all hung in a row.

“These stockings,” he smirked, “are the first things to go!”

Then he scampered and jumped, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Computer games!  Consoles and tablets and phones!

Furbies and  Barbies and aerial drones!

And he stuffed them in bags.  Then Adler, quite nimbly,

Stuffed all of the bags, one by one, up the chimbley.

Then he pooked to the icebox.  He stole all their food,

All the while making gestures incredibly rude!

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a blitz,

Right down to their last can of moldy sludge-grits!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

“And NOW!” Adler Young grinned, “I’ll stuff up the tree!”

Adler grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,

When he heard a slight sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a girl-yew!

(Miss Kathy-Slou Drew, about age twenty-two.)

This yew-gal had suddenly caught our rogue fae

While back home from college for the holiday.

She stared at the elf and said, “Kringle Claus, why,

“Why are you taking our Kringle-baum? Why?”

PREV http://www.patreon.com/posts/93850166

NEXT http://www.patreon.com/posts/94687647

Comments

Torchfire

Adler's new floozy?

Anonymous

Elves cannot and do not lie, but Adler was slick. He told her the truth, and he dressed it up quick! “Why, my sweet little dolt,” the fake Kringle Claus laughed, “I’m an elf out for revenge for getting the shaft. “I’ll ruin your good times and all that you hold dear “By stealing all symbols of faith and good cheer.” And the girl giggled. The truth went over her head. Assuming he was joking, she went back to bed. He arrogantly patted her head like a pup, Then went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! And the last thing he took, The tape for their faux fire. Then Adler split too, and the scene was oh-so-so dire. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the only food left in the home there was scant. A single speck-crumb too small for even an ant. Then he did the same thing, What a huge kick in the pants! Leaving crumbs much too small For the other houses’ ants! . . . You’re a dumb one, Adler Young, You really are a doof, You’re as smart as a dead weasel, your ideas are all a spoof, Adler Young, You’re an ignorant nitwit and a mindless goof! You’re a moron, Adler Young, Your head’s an empty hole, Your brain is full of dust mites, you have sawdust in your skull, Adler Young, I wouldn’t trust you to so much as pour water in a bowl! You’re a numskull, Adler Young, You have less thoughts than a bug, You have all the thinking power of of a brain-dead, drunken slug, Adler Young, Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the brain-dead, drunken slug! https://i.cbc.ca/1.3896518.1639179055!/fileImage/httpImage/the-grinch.jpg You’re a dingbat, Adler Young, Your brain is dried chewing gum, Your head is full of broken rocks, your thoughts are made of chum, Adler Young, The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, “Dim, damn, dumb!” You’re a smooth-brain, Adler young, You’re the king of empty thoughts, Your head is full of static inside empty, rusty pots, Adler Young, Your skull is an empty void lacking in even the most basic of functions Spaced out between frayed, broken threads with nothing to guide them but lightless, dead clots! You horrify me, Adler Young, How have you gotten this far? The few successes you’ve managed in your life are just bizarre, Adler Young, Because in the land of fools and morons, you’re the undisputed czar! . . . It had taken them all month… Sneaking out in the dark, Stealing all that they can, Packing it like the ark, Packing it all up the mountain on foot to the peak, Lana pulling it up, every night, every week. Ten-thousand feet up! Up to the mountain’s summit, He rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it! “Pooh-Pooh to those Yews!” he was elfishly humming. “They’re finding out now no Kringlemas is coming is coming! “They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do! “Their mouths will hang open a minute or two “Then the Yew-men of Yarksberg will all cry BOO-HOO! “That’s something,” laughed Adler, “That I simply MUST hear!” So he paused, and Adler put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow...