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How Adler Stole Kringlemas (Patreon)

Published:
2023-12-01 00:07:57
Imported:
2023-12
Tags:

Content

Proudly presenting

Our first ever Holiday Special

for the Edification and Moral Instruction of the Public

"HOW ADLER STOLE KRINGLEMAS"

by Dr. Sus  (mostly Typeandkey with minor alterations by Tegerio)

Every Yew-man down in Yarksberg liked Kringlemas a lot...

But Adler, hiding north of town, most certainly did NOT!

Adler HATED Kringlemas and all the “Giving” seasons!

Don’t ask him why, he’ll gladly talk your ear off with his reasons.

He’ll claim that it was built upon the backs of elvish labor.

It’s all a big excuse for folks to rip off friend and neighbor.

And yet the most probable reason of all

Was that Adler’s brain was two sizes too small.


But, Whatever the reason, his soapbox or brain,

He hated it all, standing cold in the rain.

Staring down from his cave with a sour, elfly frown

At the warm lighted windows below in the town,

He knew every yew-man in Yarksberg had plans,

And now was their time to write lists of demands.

“And they’re hanging their stockings!” He snarled with a sneer.

“Next Month is December! It’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his elf fingers nervously drumming,

“I MUST try and stop this Kringlemas from coming!”

For, quite soon, he knew, all the yew girls and boys

Would pick up their pens and make greedy noise!

And then many elves would fall to Kringle’s ploys,

Be rounded up roughly, and forced to make TOYS!

Adler, of course, was too smart for all that.

He’d honed his skills well.  He could hide like a cat.

He could dodge!  He could pook at the drop of a hat!

There’s simply no way he’d make toys for some brat!

But all these neat tricks and evasions aside,

To disappear every year was hurting his pride.

Hiding away while the yew-men would mingle -

It made him so mad he could strike at the Kringle!

"It just isn’t fair! I'm the grand elven KING!!!"

And the more Adler thought what the season would bring,

The more Adler thought, “I must stop this whole thing!

“Why, for decades and more I’ve put up with it now!

“I'll stop Kringlemas from coming!" he pondered, "... but how?”

PREV http://www.patreon.com/posts/93427363

NEXT http://www.patreon.com/posts/94282970

Comments

Rick2tails

Well this certainly can't end in disaster. And the 2 sizes too small explains so much

Anonymous

Then he got an idea! A stupid idea! ADLER GOT A MORONIC, STUPID IDEA! https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b8/ff/e0/b8ffe056471e953684dc7fb1de0f83bd.jpg “I know just what to do!” Adler laughed in his throat. He magicked a quick Kringle Claus hat and a coat. Then he chuckled and clucked, “What a great elfy trick!” “With this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!” “All I need is a reindeer…” Adler peered around. Since he had none employed, there were none to be found. Did that stop Adler Young…? No! Adler simply said, “If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!” He called his flooz, Lana. Then he grabbed some red thread And he tied a big horn on top of her head. THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks On a magicked-up sleigh All in proper syntax. Then Adler said, “Move it!” And the sleigh started down Toward the homes where the Yews Lay a-snooze in their town. All the windows were dark. Slushed snow filled the air. All the Yew-mans were dreaming sweet dreams without care. “This is stop number one,” the mean Alder Claus hissed And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch. But, if Kringle could do it, it should be a cinch. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue Where the yew-man stockings tightly hung in a row. “These stockings,” he smirked, “are the first things to go!” Then he scampered and jumped with a smile most unpleasant Around the whole room, and he took every present! Video games! Consoles! Tablets! Smart phones! Furbies! Barbies! And flying camera drones! And he stuffed them in bags. Then Adler, very nimbly, Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley. Then he pooked to the icebox. He stole all their food! The whole while making gestures, very quiet rude! He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a blitz. He even took their last can of expired sludge-grits! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. “And NOW!” Adler Young grinned, “I’ll stuff up the tree!” And Adler grabbed the tree, and he started to shove When he heard a slight sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a girl-yew! Miss Kathy-Slou Drew, about age twenty-two. This yew-gal had red-handedly caught this rogue fey While visiting her parents for the holiday. She stared at the elf and said, “Kringle Claus, why, “Why are you taking our Kringle-baum? Why?”