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Oh (Patreon)

Published:
2023-11-24 01:01:32
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You're here for your weekly story time, are you?

Think I don't know what's going on here?  The Kringle's month is fast approaching!  I've had close calls these past few years, and I know with utmost certainty that there is not just one but SEVERAL conspirators in my "loyal" entourage of listeners, working for that accursed Kringle!  I've given them multiple opportunities to turn themselves in, but it seems they're too cowardly, or too lost to the ways of Unseeliness to ever do the right thing.

I am well aware that the lowfolk holiday of Thanksgiving is just the start of a grotesquely extended Kringlemas, so I'm going to get gone now, whilst the getting is good.

Oh, what's that?  You want to know who the replacement narrator will be while I'm gone?  Well, guess what?  Thanks to a few disloyal cretins whom you all continue irrationally to protect, there will be no replacement this year.

No one volunteered after they found out what happened to the last guy.  Poor Alder Goyun.  He's still in therapy!

I believe you lowfolk have a saying about making your bed and lying in it.  You'll just have to deal with your own mess while I get a good hiding spot.  No, I won't be telling you where I am going, so don't bother asking.  You'll have a month to sit quietly and think about what you've done.  Take the opportunity to ruminate on the concepts of loyalty and betrayal.

Farewell!  I shall see you backstabbing ne'er-do-wells again sometime around New Year's.

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Comments

Walter Reimer

(employs two psykers from the Librarius) He's possibly over . . .

Anonymous

This is collective punishment! That’s a crime against humanity! But I guess elves don’t care about human rules…

Anonymous

Well, the Wolf Queen is usually free this time of year. She can dispense her particular brand of snark, gratis.

tegerio
>>122926570

A crime against what now? Adler says he might take lowfolk rules more seriously if the lowfolk actually followed them.

Anonymous

(We see Adler alone on a hilltop, standing knee-deep in half frozen slush. The weather is a miserable mix of snow and rain. From his vantage point he is glaring at a sleepy little yew-man town a distance away) Every Yew-man in Yarksberg Liked Kringlemas a lot... But Adler, hiding just north of Yarksberg, Most certainly did NOT! Adler HATED Kringlemas and all the “Giving” seasons! Don’t ask him why, he’ll talk your ear off with his reasons. He’ll claim it was built with elvish slave labor. It’s all an excuse to rip-off one’s neighbor. Yet the most probable reason of them all Was that Adler’s brain was two sizes too small. But, Whatever the reason his soapbox or brain, He hated it all, standing cold in the rain. Staring down from his cave with a sour, elfy frown At the warm lighted windows below in the town. He knew every yew-man in Yarksberg understands That now is the time to make lists of demands. “And they’re hanging their stockings!” He snarled with a sneer. “Next Month is December! It’s practically here!” Then he growled, with his elf fingers nervously drumming, “I MUST try and stop this Kringlemas from coming!” For, Very soon, he knew… All the yew girls and boys Would rush for their pens and greedily make noise! Then many elves would fall to that Kringle’s ploys, All rounded up and forced to make yew-man TOYS! Adler, of course, was way too smart for all of that. He’d honed his skills well, he could hide like a cat. He could dodge and pook at the mere drop of a hat, There’s simply no way he’d make toys for some brat! Adler’s great, masterful hiding skills aside, Disappearing every year was hurting his pride. Squirreling away while the yew-mans could mingle, It made him so mad he could strike at the Kringle! "It just isn’t fair, I'm the grand elven KING!!!" And the more Adler thought of what this would all bring, The more Adler thought, “I must stop this whole thing! “Why, for decades and more I’ve put up with it now! “I must stop Kringlemas from coming! … But how?” (to be cont.)