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"Naturally," (Patreon)

Published:
2023-10-27 01:24:20
Imported:
2023-11
Tags:

Content

I smirked.  "Uh, almost had you where exactly?"

"This whole Bumbling Simpleton routine must be just an act," Lana mused, ignoring my question.  "No one that inept could execute the rare and dangerous Frustration Wiles so flawlessly!  Even Sheila Na Gig couldn't do them, and she was the best.  Yes, it's so obvious now.  You've been playing Vulpitanian Frontgammon while I naively thought it was Antglade Checkers.  You've been acting the fool to make your enemies underestimate you, and probe the true loyalty of your allies.  The Sisterhood sent me to test your mettle, and the whole time it was I who was being tested!  Meanwhile you've been destabilizing Faerie through your chaotic and unpredictable actions, making it ripe for conquest.  Yes, it all makes sense now!  You have secretly been a tactical GENIUS all along!"

"Buh?" I added sagely, feeling pretty sure this was another of Lana's cruel tricks.

"Elves don't lie," she muttered.  "Why didn't I see it before?  You didn't destroy Albric Tor on purpose, yet you took that bad situation and used it to your advantage.  As they say, when Fuma gives you rotten peaches, make Persoc-Itoome.  Obviously you're a master at adapting to unforeseen events."

"That's not really-" I started to say.

"You must be amazing at deception to fool one of The Sisterhood's best agents!  I am ashamed to admit how blind I was to what was really going on!  I'm just a novice compared to you."

"Don't you think you're laying it on a bit th-" I blurted.

"Never again shall I underestimate you," Lana interrupted.  "Obviously your machinations are on a level far above my own meager understanding.  You must truly possess the spirit of Irenaeus to defy every major power in Faerie, including The Sisterhood.  Could you be the one foretold in the ancient prophecies?  Could you really be the Niknak Padiwak??"

I was wondering if I had somehow broken Lana's brain, when suddenly she turned and knelt before me.

"I pledge myself anew to your service," she declared.  "This isn't something The Sisterhood ordered me to do; this is me, my own choice, under my own volition.  I am your Floozy, to use as you will.  Command me, Your Highness, and I shall obey."

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Comments

Major Matt Mason

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"

John Van Stry
>>120761638

You do know that there are criminal penalties for puns like that in 20 states...

Anonymous

>Adler: Um... >Lana: Naturally he'll want to keep up appearances and continue pretending he's a moronic simpleton, but he needn't worry. You won't tell a soul about his brilliant ruse. >Adler: Are you really being serious- >Lana: Naturally he anticipated that you would eventually piece things together. OH! You passed his test! You feel like you're a part of history now! You feel so honored! >Adler: You're not a psychologist, but your guess is this is some sort of defense mechanism for her. >Lana: He must have a brilliant plan on what to do next. - You proceed to list off what you think his brilliant plan is. It just so happens your guess is exactly what will get the story moving to the next major plot point.- >Adler: Yes. She seems to have buried herself into some deep delusion that you are an arch-schemer on par with the Sisterhood. Maybe the stress of you not living up to her expectations caused her to crack. Oh well, never look a gift ant in the mandibles.