What? (Patreon)

Don't give me that look.  I need a good strong one to get through this next part.  Sounds like you want to know about the trial, but you also want to pick up the pace of the story.  Fine with me.  I didn't find out what happened until much later anyway.

We spent the next 30 hours or so practicing and preparing until the Ixie tailing Ash came back to inform us that the trial would take place at 1 pm right after lunch.

"Ash will set up his Comm-Cup," she continued.

"His what?" I interrupted.

"That's what Ash calleth the Tell-O-Tumbler since he invented it first," the Ixie explained.  "He will suspend it in a hidden place, hanging upside-down to keep the string taut so thou canst hear the trial as it happeneth."

The Ixie also informed us that there was a carnival atmosphere in the town.  Vendors had come from miles around to hawk their wares, and there were food stalls set up along every street to serve the crowds that were already showing up to witness a genuine witch trial.  The inn was full to capacity and people were spending the night in barns, sheds, ditches, wherever they could find a spot.

Burnside and Rebecca headed out bright and early, in disguise and fully glamered to enact my ingenious plan.  The rest of the coven were too scared to go, so they stayed behind and I magicked them up some breakfast.  As the time of the trial approached, I got out my Mumble-Mug and put it to my ear.  Ash may have invented it first, but if I was to be Emperor, I would control the elvish patent office, and naming the thing would be my right.

I heard the trial begin, and relayed the proceedings to my witches, who listened eagerly.

"All rise for the honorable (hah!) Ash Marten," I repeated.  There was some shuffling and loud thumping, then someone said "Be seated."  I heard Ash say "This is the case of Oonagh O'Woo, charged with witchcraft," followed by murmuring from the crowd.  There was some loud banging and Ash yelled "Order!  Order!" after which the room settled down.  Somebody whom I assume was the Prosecuting Floozy began outlining the case against Oonagh in a strident but almost unintelligible voice.  Either the lowfolk didn't train their Floozies in elocution, or they had very different ideas about how to sway a jury.

Then something unexpected happened.  I heard shouting, or maybe chanting, very muffled - perhaps outside the courthouse?  There was a crash and a scuffle, and more loud banging, with Ash yelling "order" while apparently a fight was taking place in the room.  What was going on?  Burnside hadn't done her dramatic reveal yet!  There was more shouting.  Somebody with a booming voice yelled something about "in league with the devil" and then everyone was shouting.  There was a loud crack and a scraping noise, then the Mumble-Mug went "POP" and was silent.

"Something's wrong," I groaned as I pulled on the string and continued to hear nothing.

"We should have gone with them," Gretchen exclaimed.  "We could have helped."

"How?" Petunia asked.

"I don't know," Gretchen wailed, "but it would have been better than cowering here!"

"I'm okay with cowering," Chloe admitted shakily.

Hours passed.  The sun began to go down.  The witches and I all looked at each other despondently.

"Well, this is it," I sighed stoically.  "My plans have blown up in my face again.  I didn't even get a chance to properly set this one in motion.  This must be a new record for my failures."

"Don't beat yourself up, My Lord," Gretchen sniffled.  "It's not over yet."

"Y-yeah," Chloe piped up.  "Maybe, uh, maybe the townspeople were tired of getting pushed around by the rabbits.  Them picking on Oonagh, who is a well-loved pillar of the community, was the final straw.  Could be they baked a hundred food stalls' worth of pies to show their support for Oonagh.  Maybe seeing Burnside glamoured to look like Didelphis was all they needed to convince them that the entire trial was a sham.  They rushed into the building to protest.  The rabbits tried to shout the townsfolk down and that's when the pies started flying.  Maybe the entire town got embroiled in a huge pie fight, and our friends are just too sticky to report in yet!  I bet they're laughing and eating pie and washing in the creek right now."

"That's not very likely," Petunia objected.

"In Faerie it might go down like that," I sighed.  "But I'm not at home ... and from the looks of things, I never will be.  You all know I'm a prisoner here, right?  I can't leave this stone circle."

"Yeah," Gretchen nodded.  "The story goes, you're under some kind of curse."

"That is so cool," Petunia murmured.

"If you don't mind my asking, My Lord," Gretchen continued.  "What did you do anyway, to have such a heavy curse placed upon you?"

"Well," I sighed reluctantly.  "I sort of - accidentally, mind you - that is, not entirely on purpose, I ... well, I kinda ... massacred an entire city full of elves."

"That is so COOOOL!!" Petunia exclaimed.

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