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"Don't you like wearing black?" (Patreon)

Published:
2023-01-12 02:40:13
Imported:
2023-10

Content

the vixen asked incredulously.

"I like black just fine," the duck protested.  "But not every day.  It's sometimes nice to wear other colors, like pink with glitter.  And maybe sequins if it doesn't look too tacky.  I just want to know, is there a rule that states witches have to wear all black all the time?"

"Dude," the mouse (bear?) exclaimed as she turned away in disgust.  "I feel like I don't know you anymore.  Who even are you?"


"All right, all right," I interrupted before the negative energy could get out of hand.  "Let's get back on track here.  I have no intention of enforcing a dress code.  As far as I'm concerned, you can dress however you like.  I would suggest, however, that you break up the pink with an accent of another color.  All pink on pink wouldn't look good.  Anyway, to get back to your previously stated concern, there will indeed be thrills aplenty.  As one of my acolytes, you will be able to travel extensively.  As I said earlier, there will be mischief.  Rebecca is learning the ways of pranks and japes, a number of which are magical in nature, and I'll expect all of you to do the same.  Crude villagers are less likely to chase you out of town if they're laughing.  No, in fact they are more likely to buy you drinks and listen to what you say.  You will be powerful but not intimidating.  The secret to respect and popularity is what I can offer you, and in return all you have to do is go out and spread tales of my deeds.  You'll set an example of what the White Elf's followers are like, as well as giving potential recruits an idea of what kind of prizes they might expect in my service.  You'll keep the mischief at 'lovable rogue' levels and refrain from causing any serious harm.  What say you?"

The witches muttered among themselves and looked uncertain.

"Come on, you guys!" Rebecca wheedled.  "Just try it out.  I guarantee you'll like it.  Plus we've been trying to summon a demon for months with no results, so this is probably the best offer we're going to get."

"All right, all right," the vixen shrugged.  "I'll give it a try."

"I'm in," the duck declared.

"I guess so," the bear (mouse?) sulked.  "But if I get bored, I'm gone."


"Well," Mother Didelphis snapped.  "That may be fine and dandy for the youngsters, but what about me?  Traveling, telling stories, and setting an example?  I'm not as spry as I used to be.  My bones are half dust already; how exactly am I supposed to do all that?  And how am I going to enjoy any long term benefit?"

"It is within my power to restore your youth," I explained.

"Young again?" the old opossum snorted.  "At the mercy of unsavory urges?  Wearing foundation garments?  Having mels treat me like some sort of toy all the time?  No thanks, sonny.  They call me 'MOTHER' Didelphis out of respect for my years, a respect I've earned!  A respect I demand!  I'm creaky and craggy and saggy, but I'm venerable dammit!  My advice is listened to, and my displeasure is feared - none of which would be true if I was some giggly pretty little slip of a thing."

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Comments

Katfeathers

Fit and limber can be had without excess youth, see Jack Lalaine.

Anonymous

>Adler: Um... Well, if respect is an issue, she will surely be able to gain it all back when she displays her new magical abilities? Also, the shock and awe people will have at seeing her somehow regain her youth will give her respect as well. She won't immediately lose all her respect just because she walks into town looking different. >Mother Didelphis: Yes, but he said he wanted her to travel abroad. You know, talk to strangers. People who have no idea that she used to be old and magically regained her youth. Plus, you have gotten used to the many perks of being a senior citizen and are loathe to give them up. Senior discounts, people let you cut in line, you can get away with yelling at random strangers, telling youngsters that their taste in everything is terrible ,and, your personal favorite, making people wait behind you in long lines while you complain. >Adler: Come now, doubling her life expectancy, regaining her strength and vitality, and not having to deal with the aches and pains of old age has to be worth giving at least some of that up. >Mother Didelphis: Nothing doing. You don't have to worry about aches and pains since you have a deep knowledge of pain killing herbs and plants. Being a crazy old hag is what you've built your entire identity around. You simply would not be able to function as anything else. >Adler: Wait a minute. Senior discounts and waiting in line? She said she was a hermit from the wilderness. >Mother Didelphis: You still have to go into town sometimes. You need to keep yourself supplied with plenty of flour and sugar (honey if sugar is not readily available during this time period). You make money by selling herbs as well as your baking experiments made with the outdoor brick oven that you PAID to have built next to your hut using the herb money. You also take the opportunity to heckle that pie harlot that ruined your life. >Adler: Internally- the only person who ruined her life is herself because she went crazy over some damn pies. Verbally- Okay, setting your bewilderment aside, there is an easy fix. You can make her physically younger so she regains her youthful strength and stamina so she can travel easily, but use magic to make her appear as an old crone. An elderly woman that can do back-flips and cartwheels is sure to catch people's attention. Maybe even earn their respect? Does that sound any better?