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"It's getting a bit chilly," (Patreon)

Published:
2022-12-15 02:40:29
Imported:
2023-10

Content

you say as the Guest Narrator pauses for breath.  "You said you don't like ties, but how about this scarf?  Made with the finest craftsmanship."

I dunno man.  I'm warm enough in my hoodie, but ... okay, I guess.  Thanks.

"You seem thirsty.  Please, drink deeply from the mug provided.  It was made with you in mind."


About that.  I don't wanna seem ungrateful, but I gotta know if this is vegan.  And if it is, could you warm it back up for me?  It's gotten cold, in like a major uncool way.  Thanks, man.  While you're doing that, I'll continue the story.

. . .

"This is why all your dadgum Seelie plans fail," Burnside continued, brandishing her machete.  "You spend too much time thinkin' about people instead of gettin' things done.  Now that y'all have tried doing things the Seelie way an' seen how that turns out, it's time to do things the Unseelie way!  The FUN way!  These here witches wanna learn dark magick an' make sacrifices?  I say let 'em!  You give 'em what they want, they give you what you want, everybody's happy.  No consarned moral lessons nor namby pamby japes needed!  I could draft ya up an Unseelie lesson plan quicker'n you can say Lorem Ipsum an' all that."

The witches gasped and one of them excitedly whispered "The Overspell!"


"All right," I grumbled.  "That's enough out of you."

"WHUUUUH," Burnside moaned as she crumpled to the ground from my Orgasmic Touch.

"When do we get to learn how to do that?" the duck asked, awestruck.

Before I could answer, Ixies began swarming around the circle.

"Is that it?" they called.  "Is it over?  How was our performance?  Witches, if thou hadst to rate it from one to ten what wouldst thou say?"


"Oh, you guys were great," the vixen gushed.  "You set the tone masterfully!  We were primed and eager with anticipation when His Lordship appeared.  It wouldn't have worked half as well without you building up the suspense beforehand."

"Was there anything that could be improved?" an Ixie asked.

Ixies and witches started jabbering excitedly to each other.

"We deserve some recognition for our work as well," the trees rustled insistently.  "It's not easy moving around when there is no breeze.  You know, you could have utilized us in your show a little more.  We could have manipulated the canopy to give the stone circle a dramatic lighting effect.  Next time -"

"When can we learn that knockout touch?" the duck insisted.  "Does it only work on the Raccoon Monster?"

"When can we learn mind-reading and illusions?" Mother Didelphis croaked.


"SILENCE!" I bellowed in my amplified Voice of Command.

Everyone started clapping.

"Stop that!" I snapped.  "This isn't part of the show!  The show is over!  Yes, I should have been more specific with what I wanted Rebecca to say, but what's done is done.  You didn't come out here just to watch amateur theater, did you?  I have spied into your hidden desires.  I know that each of you wants something.  So let's stop fooling around and talk business."

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Comments

Anonymous

At least they liked your performance, Adler. Last few times, everyone was underwhelmed. This is definitely a step up.

Anonymous

*One of the more shifty audience members returns with a freshly reheated un-suspicious beverage* "Here you go, one warm and most definitely vegan drink." "Please, drink deeply. It was made with you in mind. You deserve something special." "You're doing such a good job." *The narrator takes and drink and wonders why they are watching him drink so intently. If anyone's thirsty, we can take a quick break.* . . . >Adler: Since Rebecca has seemingly told the coven every conceivable thing about you, they probably already know that you are looking to start a loose organization of followers. Sort of like a cult, but you will emphasize that people should worship Fuma and not you. >Rebecca: You don't understand, did you do something wrong? >Adler: Seeing how crestfallen Rebecca is hits you like a gut punch. You spent a good deal of time hammering in the virtues of seelieness and now you are seemingly chiding your first official follower in front of her friends for being too honest. A gentle but firm hand is needed here. You quickly change your tone. >Adler: Technically no, but there were a few things that could have been done better by all parties. Chalk this up to a learning experience and add it to the next lesson. You need to remember that not everyone is a mind-reader. >Vixen: Ooooh! Will you get to learn how to read minds? >Adler: You stifle your annoyance and maintain your composure. Rebecca planted the idea that you are a benevolent and infinitely patient entity. You'll have to play the part, and that means not getting so easily frustrated. You need to exude confidence and control while maintaining an even tempered composure. You raise a finger and instruct her to save any questions for the end. >Adler: You continue your spiel. Your following is in its fledgling stages and that presents the coven with a unique opportunity. They could earn the prestige of becoming your first wave of agents. Going out into the world and spreading tales of your deeds and doing good works in your name. Not only that, but be a demonstration of what rewards might be awaiting your most dedicated followers. Ancient knowledge and magic, Real Magic, and a greater purpose in life. Like Rebecca, they all are outcasts and outsiders in society, and through means of witchcraft they are wanting revenge against that society for one reason or another. But honestly, is all the stories about wicked witches, how do they usually end? Not in the witch's favor. In your service, they will be given the opportunity to take all that built-up energy and turn it into something positive. Instead of being hated for their differences, they will be loved for them. How does that sound? . . . *The guest narrator feels woozy and tired all of a sudden. Hard to focus. He passes out* "Quickly! Get him into the pook-proof sack!" "Are we sure this is Adler? He passed out pretty quickly. Maybe just check under his hood to be sure." "No time. It has to be Adler. Who else could it be? We still have time left. Let's get him to the meeting place." *And so the two ungrateful, backstabbing listeners carried their load out into the night. Confident in the knowledge they bagged Adler and no one else.*