"Ooh, me!" (Patreon)

Burnside exclaimed, waving her hand in the air.  "Me me me!  I gotta thought an' a concern!"

"Does it involve disembowelment and/or skinning alive?" I asked.

"Welllll..." Burnside stalled thoughtfully.  "Best case scenario, I reckon it would."

"Can I just say no, and leave it at that?"

"Nuh uh," she insisted, with a vigorous head shake.

"Now the way I see it," Burnside explained, "it's a doggone waste to just have me patrollin' the forest.  Them rabbits don't never come in here anymore.  Instead I figure it'd be best to start huntin' em.  Bring the fight to them, so to speak.  Leavin' a few skinned, headless torsos hangin' in the trees right at the edge o' the woods'd put the fear o' Fuma in 'em right quick.  Heck, I could prob'ly sneak into their village at night and take care of 'em all at one time."

"YEEK!" Rebecca gasped.  "Oh don't do that!  I know they're mostly a bunch of jerks, but I still know a lot of them!  My parents and siblings live there!"

"Now now," I soothed.  "There's no way I would authorize that.  It's much too Unseelie, and it also would be counterproductive.  I want there to be an aura of menace hanging around these woods, so the locals dread it and won't come in here ... but hanging headless bodies around would outrage everyone.  We'd have the whole population of the island up in arms and trying to burn the forest down, with me inside it.  Additionally, massacring the entire village would leave nobody around to dread the legend of the White Elf.  Who's going to whisper tales of my unknowable elfly doings around the fireplace on a winter's night, if there's nobody left alive?"

"But it's their dang prayers keepin' you from scryin' past the edge o' the woods," Burnside protested.

"I can work around that limitation," I replied.  "When I am finally able to leave this stone circle, then I'll find out how much force their prayers really have on me.  Meanwhile, their superstitious dread only adds to my mystique.  I can use this, I'm sure of it!  There is always a Seelie option, if you think hard enough." 

"Too much thinkin' an not enough doin," Burnside grumbled.  "That's why the Seelie fall farther and farther behind."

"No," I decided.  "You do not have my permission to commit atrocities in the rabbit village.  I don't want you wandering too far afield and getting distracted from your main duty, which is to guard me and my loyal followers.  Also, for the short term, I need you to assist with my magick experiments.  If strangers stray into the forest, then they are yours to do with as you please.  I don't want to know anything about it.  The rest of you, spread the word amid the surrounding communities that a horrible monster haunts these woods and they had best not enter."

"AW," Burnside groaned.  "It'll be so BORING if nobody ever trespasses!  Why not tell 'em all to come to the party instead!"

"Sir," Vernier interjected.  "These orders seem to be at cross purposes with your other intention of inviting potential servants and allies to find you.  You'll have no followers if Miss Burnside murders every stranger who enters the forest."

She had a point.  My heart swelled with admiration at Vernier's cleverness.  She was such a valuable asset to my team!  I paused for a moment to maintain my serious face.

"I suppose I'll have to think of some other way to deal with this," I mused.  "For now, Burnside, you should tie up or otherwise restrain any intruders, and bring them to me - UNINJURED -"

"Dagnabbit!" Burnside objected.

"Uninjured!" I repeated.  "Anyone accompanied by one of our group should be allowed to pass.  Bring unaccompanied strangers to me so that I may pass judgment on them.  Now, if no one else has anything to add, I declare this meeting to be adjourned."

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