"Does this nincompoop have a case against me?" (Patreon)

I asked Vernier.

"No sir, he does not," she replied.  "The county's legal jurisdiction does not extend into these woods, and even if it did he would have an insurmountable burden of proof to back up his claims.  Plus, the courts do not officially believe in elves, so in all likelihood if he came before a magistrate with this far-fetched story he would be laughed out of town."

It pained me to hear that the local government didn't believe in me, but I said "And what would you advise?"

"I suggest that you turn him into a clod of dirt," Vernier declared sternly.  "It would be the simplest transformation since he already mostly is one."

"Oh sure, sure," Lysander scoffed.  "Just like a bunch of skunks, to gang up on me.  Add insult to the injuries you've already inflicted.  Why must I suffer so?  Sometimes I think I am under a curse."

"Shut up," I ordered him.  "I do have the power to turn you into anything I please, you know."

Turning to Vernier, I asked her "Why so harsh all of a sudden?"

"I forgot that Lysander's money-grubbing obnoxiousness was the reason he had to leave town before," Vernier admitted.  "It has been a long time since I've seen him, and it took a while to remember how unlikable he is."

"Did you bring me out here just to browbeat and abuse me?" Lysander retorted.  "You people are sick!  SICK!!  I'm warning you, the day will come when you'll have to pay for your crimes!"

"I thought I told you to shut up," I snapped.  "Now hold out your hand."

He did so - hesitantly - and I apported a gold piece into it.

"Now, the way I see it, you have three options," I continued.  "You can keep being a jerk and wind up as a piece of dirt, or you can leave here with that gold piece ... OR you can work with my organization and rake in tons of cash.  Do you know how profitable a well organized cult can be?  There will be plenty more gold where that came from."

"My friends," the monkey schmoozed as he quickly slipped the coin into his pocket.  "You should have spoken up sooner.  Of course I am ready to serve in any capacity of which I am able.  What can Lysander M. Pontious do for you?"

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