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"Sure an' let me handle this," (Patreon)
Content
Estvan whispered, then called out to the strange femme: "Who is it ye moight be, lass, an what's the nature of yer business out here in the dark, nigh-impenetrable forest?"
"Oh sir," the marten femme sighed despondently as she sashayed out from behind the menhir. "My name is Rowan, and I'm lost! Those horrible rabbits drove me out of Tulgeyside just because I'm wanton, and now I have nowhere to go! I came this way because I heard voices, but ..."
"TAKE HEART, MY DEAR!" I I exclaimed as I lunged forward. Never had I seen such a beautiful femme since Eth- (NO! I would not think about her!) Her fur was sleek! Her curves were intoxicating! She was showing a lot of leg with her skirt slit high up one side! "Some call me Lord Randall, but you can call me your loyal servant," I schmoozed suavely as I took Rowan's delicate hand and kissed it.
"Well hello, Lord Randall," she chuckled. "You must be the elf I've heard tales about. Nice headband. Is it true that braiding your hair brings luck?"
"Try it and see," I suggested, as I snatched the headband off and blinked fetchingly at her.
"Through the guarding trees, how did she get?" Sam whispered. "Not the easiest task it was for us, and woodsy elves we are!"
"Cushlamochree," Estvan groaned. "Tis an appallin' spectacle for certain. Just look at Adler humiliatin himself, bedad."
"To deal with lowfolk femmes has no-one taught him?" Sam inquired skeptically. "A serious oversight that was."
"Sure an the lad never had a proper upbringin' at all at all," Estvan whispered. "We've got to get him out o' there before he starts makin' irrevocable promises."
"Perhaps if hard enough we pinch him," Sam suggested.
"Oi've sworn not to harm him," Estvan pointed out.
"Pinch lightly then, but do it we must."
"OW!!" I exclaimed as the two foxes pinched me. "What's the big idea?"
"Hold still!" Rowan demanded. "I can't braid this hair with all that twitching around! What's up with you two fox weirdos anyway? Are you trying to keep me from getting lucky?"
"Afther a manner o' speakin," Estvan admitted.
"If you guys intend to interfere between me and my lady-love," I growled. "Well, I can promise that you'll regret it."
"This should be interesting," Rowan smirked behind me.