"Excellent," I chuckled. (Patreon)

"And did you spread the word that Jerry was there at the behest of a Vulpitanian SALV?"

"There was no need, Sire," the Ixie replied.  "Everyone already knoweth about the beautiful snow-fox.  It seems Jerry hath been blabbing the story all over town."

"Which side has captured him for questioning?" I asked eagerly.

"Neither yet.  Lady Hawk hath sequestered him and none are certain how to breach the Shoe."

"The Shoe?" I asked in perplexity.

"Lady Hawk hath built a sort of fortified villa -" the Ixie began.

"Shaped like a giant shoe," Ethel finished with a sigh.  "It's every bit as ridiculous as it sounds.  Those two were really meant for each other.  I just wish he had stayed with her permanently, and never come back to Tulgeyside."

"Okay .. you say the town is surrounded by a hostile forest?" I asked the Ixie.  "That means the Shrub army travels faster than I expected, and they must have recruited a lot more allies to form a forest."

"Aye, Sire.  Their troops are large, leafy, and menacing.  They have formed ranks of almost impenetrable verdure on three sides of the city."

"That's good," I giggled.  "The Duchess will be getting nervous now."

"Consider carefully how thou wouldst have this play out, Sire," the Ixie warned.  "The Duchess still believeth thee to be sealed away and incapacitated by her magicks.  If she prevaileth, she will be content to ignore thee, and bring the fight to the Vulpitanians.  The Shrubs, however, still honor their sap-oath.  Thy destruction is their top priority."

"Wait a minute," Ethel interrupted angrily.  "Do you mean there really is a shrub army?  That has got to be the most idiotic thing I've ever heard!  How can a shrub fight?  What kind of threat could they possibly be on a battlefield?  The Chanson never mentioned this, and I can see why!  It taxes credibility to the limit."

"Nevertheless, it is true," the Ixie declared.

"I've got to see this for myself," Ethel snorted.

"No, my sweet!" I squawked.  "It is far too dangerous!"

"Sire, I also came across a detachment of the Duchess's troops," Typantronn continued.  "They were discussing recent renovations to her manor, and one of them was handing out plans."

She pulled a surprisingly large scroll out of what I assumed was her Ixie version of Elfintory (Ixintory?) and handed it to me.

"How did you get this?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, the officer gave me one as he was handing them out to his squad.  I never thought I'd say it, but thou truly hast the advantage over them in terms of brains and cunning, Sire."

"This information would be invaluable to launch a covert counter-attack," I mused.  "If the Duchess has the upper hand against the Shrubs, then I could .. hmm .. can you get this information to the Vulpitanians?"

"We are prevented by Gaps from establishing contact with the Republic," Typantronn replied.  "We are not even sure how they fare."

"Perhaps I can reach them by scrying," I mused.

"Honestly Sire, if I may be so bold, I would advise that thou refrainest from doing so.  Contacting the Duchess was a mistake, and it would not do to alert more potential enemies to thy presence at this time."

"Hmm, good point," I concurred.  "Still, I think the Duchess is the most likely winner, since she is armed with weapons that make use of this lowfolk exploding powder.  Isn't that correct, Ethel my dear?"

"Huh?  Oh yes, firearms are one of the many things made by O'Daisies Enterprises."

"With the power of fire on their side, the Shrubs will be no match for them.  But even if I'm wrong, and the Shrubs prevail - I have been practicing my fire cantrip all day, and I feel ready to face any menace as flammable as a Shrub army!  Just to be sure, I want you and your sisters to procure and steam for me several bags of the exploding powder."

"Er, steam them, Sire?" the Ixie asked uncertainly.

"Yes, to purify and compress them to the smallest possible size for easy portability."

"Steaming will remove its fiery virtue, Sire," she informed me.

"Huh?" I countered.

"She's right, you can't steam it," Ethel interjected.  "You have to keep your powder completely dry."

"Oh," I acknowledged sagely.

"Ah, this remindeth me," Typantronn declared.  "Didst thou set thyself aflame again while I was gone?  Please say yes.  It meaneth a pile of aphids for me if thou didst."

"I do not approve of you making bets concerning -" I began, sternly.

"He did," Ethel interrupted.  "Thrice."

"PAY UP, GIRLS!" Typantronn yelled at the group atop the menhir.  "Don't make me get all Irenaeus on thee!"

PREV http://www.patreon.com/posts/26343951

NEXT http://www.patreon.com/posts/26721519