Ethel leaned down (Patreon)

and looked me right in the eye.  My heart raced and my scalp prickled!  Never had I gone up against such powerful Wiles!  I tried my best not to give away my state of mind by any outward sign.

"You're a nincompoop," Ethel scoffed.  "If you weren't so tiny, I wouldn't even believe you were an elf.  Why are you so tiny?  Are you some kind of elflet?  Huh?"

She called me an elflet!  How precious!

"I can't decide if you're dimwitted, or .." she continued.  "There's something about your looks that bothers me, but I can't quite .. it's gotta be the braid.  That thing is driving me nuts.  Why only one side?  You look ridiculous.  Hold still a second."

She knelt next to me, grabbed my other side-lock, and began braiding it.  Shivers of delight ran down my spine!

"Stand still and quit squirming!" Ethel snapped.  "I swear, you sure are twitchy enough to be an elf.   I think you're crazy.  Are you crazy?  Or is that what passes for sanity in elfland?"

"It's perfectly foine oi am," I squeaked in a thin, warbly voice.

"Still doing the accent, huh?  Well I think you're nuts.  Okay, there, your hair's braided.  Let's have a look at you."

She began to stand up, when suddenly my stomach growled.

"What was that?" Ethel asked.  "Are you hungry?  You poor thing, you're starving aren't you?  Living out here in the woods all by yourself.  I knew as soon as I saw you, that you weren't eating right.  'Ethel' I said to myself, 'that pitiful creature is lonely and malnourished.'  It explains why you're so small and slow-witted.  Once you get some decent food in you, you'll feel better."

"Sure an' oi -" I began.

"Okay, here's the deal," Ethel interrupted.  "Maybe you're an elf and maybe you're not, but what I want doesn't necessarily require magic.  You see, I want Jerry gone.  I used to love that jerk, but he broke my heart and now he's using my sister to try and get hold of the inheritance, which he intends to use as capital to start up his shoe business, which is idiotic because I don't even know anybody who wears shoes around here.  He's gonna lose all the money and we'll all wind up living under a rock, like you.  So, you get rid of Jerry for me and I'll bring you food.  Okay, elf.  Get to work."

With that, she turned and stalked away into the forest.

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