Character Q&A: Bree (Patreon)

Sorry I forgot to post this earlier, but one kind reader had a question for Bree.

Question:

Bree, how many suits of armor have you either had destroyed/stripped off of you? Are you accustomed to losing clothes and being nude?

Answer:

Ugh, I don’t like to think about how many pieces of gear I’ve lost over the years. It seems like the moment I finally find something that fits right, ZAP, I get hit by a Shredbolt spell or something, and I feel the breeze across my nethers again.

It’s really something of a curse, I think. My old teacher used to scold me for putting too much faith in my equipment. He used to have me and the other girls practice our skills wearing nothing but a blindfold, sometimes with our hands tied behind us or wearing leg irons.

Hmn, now that I think about it, it did seem rather odd that he only accepted female apprentices. I’d ask him about it, but he was captured by the Crawmen of the swamp temple when I was in my fourth year of study. He should have known better than to try to steal their idol wearing nothing but a pair of red velvet pants and thigh-high boots. I imagine he was wishing for a ring of heat resistance about the time they dropped him in that vat of boiling roux.

Me and the rest of the girls had to finish our training on our own. Velefrielle, our senior girl, insisted on keeping to the naked and blindfolded routine, out of respect for our étoufféed master, she claimed, but given her propensity for stealing all the other girls’ underwear while we slept, I have my doubts as to her motives.

So, am I used to it by now? Yeah, I guess so… but that’s not gonna stop me from picking up every advantage I can along the way.

I will give you one piece of advice when choosing armor. Avoid anything with a lot of buckles. They can really dig into your skin when the armor gets caught in trap gears or a grabby ogre decides to lower your neckline.

Oh, and avoid heavy leather thongs… trust me. You never forget your first cuir bouilli wedgie.