Character Q&A Bree (Patreon)

ANSWER:

Elven New Year? Ugh, you don’t even want to know about New Year! Especially not Wood Elf New Year!

Just imagine that one relative you have that is always telling you about their amazing all-natural diet. Now imagine that you have to actually eat that diet… and dress like them… for a month! 

Druids are the worst! Druids smell bad. Druids are always stopping, mid-sentence, to commune with nature or some nonsense. And, if you happen to like not being groped, stay the hell away from the Hierophant! He’s very free with the “blessings”, and this, apparently, means a lot of touching… A LOT of touching.

Of course, the druids themselves are given to the occasional moon-orgy, so they don’t really appreciate other elves’ concept of “keep your freaking paw away from my sacred gate!”

But, yeah, once a year, we all have to dress up like a pile of leaves and eat handfuls of nasty berries and roots and crap like that. Then the druids all howl and hoot and hiss for like three weeks straight. And, unfortunately, it’s considered rude to slide a dagger up a druid’s kilt when he won’t stop asking if you’ve ever “gone bear”.

So, I make it a point to visit friends around New Year, whenever I can get away with it. The Aquatic Elves aren’t so bad, if you remembered to bring enough Water Breathing potions. High Elves are a bit stuffy, but they mix the best drinks. You should probably avoid the Shadow Elf New Year celebrations though, especially if you’re a male, and your genitals aren’t whip-resistant.