Jonathan Crane (a parody of Shia LaBeouf) (Patreon)

You're walking in the woods
There's no one around, and your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him. (Jonathan Crane)   
He's following you, about 30 feet back
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint
He's gaining on you! (Jonathan Crane)

You're looking for your car, but you're all turned around
He's almost upon you now, and you can see there's blood on his face!
My god, there's blood everywhere!

Running for your life from Jonathan Crane!
He's brandishing a knife, it's Jonathan Crane!
Lurking in the shadows, gothamite superstar Jonathan Crane!
Living in the woods, Jonathan Crane!
Killing for sport, Jonathan Crane!
Eating all the bodies, actual cannibal Jonathan Crane!

Now it's dark, and you seem to have lost him
But you're hopelessly lost yourself, stranded with a murderer
You creep silently through the underbrush
Aha! In the distance, a small cottage with a light on! Hope!
You move stealthily toward it, but your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!

Gnawing off your leg (Quiet, quiet)
Limping toward the cottage (Quiet, quiet)
Now you're on the doorstep
Sitting inside, Jonathan Crane!

Sharpening an axe, Jonathan Crane!
But he doesn't hear you enter, Jonathan Crane!
You're sneaking up behind him
Strangling Gotham Rogue Jonathan Crane!
Fighting for your life with Jonathan Crane!
Wrestling a knife from Jonathan Crane!
Stab it in his kidney
Safe at last from Jonathan Crane!

You limp into the dark woods, blood oozing from your stump leg
You've beaten Jonathan Crane!

Wait! He isn't dead! Scarecrow Surprise!
There's a gun to your head, and death in his eyes
But you can do Jiu Jitsu
Body slam man of fear Jonathan Crane!
Legendary fight with Jonathan Crane!
Normal Tuesday night for Jonathan Crane!
You try to swing a scythe at Jonathan Crane!
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg
He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left
You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck
You're chopping off his head now
You have just decapitated Jonathan Crane!

His head topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You're finally safe from Jonathan Crane!