ROGUES | S01E22: Birds of a Feather (Finale Part One) (Patreon)

ROGUES | S01E22: Birds of a Feather (Finale Part One)
(with special guest Joy Hennes)

OSWALD and HARVEY are waiting on a rooftop for WALLER and her team to show.

OSWALD: Better light another flare, Hercules.

HARVEY: Where the hell could she be?

OSWALD: In a helicopter, rapidly closing in on our position.

HARVEY: Hmph.

HARVEY checks his watch. 

HARVEY: My watch has her at three minutes late.

OSWALD: Then get a better watch.

HARVEY: Something about this doesn’t sit right with us.

OSWALD: Good. It shouldn’t.

HARVEY: You don’t seem too bothered.

OSWALD: I’ve never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve. Too bloody.

HARVEY: We shouldn’t be doing this on a rooftop. We’re too exposed.

OSWALD: This is Amanda Waller we’re dealing with, Harvey - we’re not safe anywhere. And besides, warehouses are no better at present. I’ve had two attacked in the last week. Repelled, but attacked nonetheless.

HARVEY: Any word on who?

OSWALD: Whom, and no. So it’s rooftops for now. Amusing, really - I never thought rooftops would be a safer alternative with our... infestation of flying rodents about.

HARVEY: So it goes.

OSWALD: On the topic - I’ve some search warrants I’ll need for tomorrow. Sampson will be... investigating some of the local families for any potential involvement in the warehouse incidents.

HARVEY: Of course.

OSWALD: Ah, the sound of blades are on the wind. Our guest approaches.

HARVEY: We still don’t like this.

OSWALD: Harvey, my dear boy, we’re dealing with information here, and that is a far too important commodity to simply ignore. I will admit to some... disquietude - the fact that Waller has agreed to meet us at all and not simply send a team of snipers for us is a kindness I did not wholly expect.

HARVEY: That explains the red dot on your forehead.

OSWALD squawks, taking half a step back.

HARVEY laughs.

OSWALD: Your humour is not appreciated.

A pause. OSWALD chuckles.

OSWALD: Arsehole.

The helicopter lands. Boots hit the ground and WALLER steps out.

WALLER: I want eyes on all corners. Scan for devices. We’re not here.

OSWALD: And a good evening to you, Ms. Waller.

WALLER: Make this quick, Cobblepot.

OSWALD: Harvey.

HARVEY opens his briefcase, hands WALLER papers.

WALLER: Has this been verified?

OSWALD: By my best men.

WALLER: Ostrander!

OSTRANDER: Ma’am?

WALLER: Get this verified - properly.

OSTRANDER: Yes ma’am.

OSWALD chortles in amusement and offense.

WALLER: Where’s the rest?

OSWALD: Being sent via courier to your offices as we speak.

WALLER: Forgive my apprehension, but you have no reason to help me, and I have no reason to believe you.

OSWALD: On the contrary - I think we would benefit greatly from Lex Luthor no longer holding any form of office.

WALLER: I imagine this information isn’t free.

OSWALD: Nothing in this world is, I’m afraid.

WALLER: What do you want?

OSWALD: I want what every billionaire wants - the ark of the covenant, the fountain of youth, and my face on a mountain - preferably one that isn’t sacred to an entire people.

WALLER: Or I could have you killed where you stand.

WALLER’S guards cock their rifles.

OSWALD: That certainly is an option, yes. Although I would be remiss if I didn’t inform you that, unbeknownst to him, my courier is also carrying half a kilogram of PE-4 with your documents that will detonate as soon as I am... compromised in any way.

Pause.

OSWALD: I shall cut to the quick - Any record of the Arkham Asylum incident is to be scrubbed, as well as the involvements of Jonathan Crane...

HARVEY: Alleged.

OSWALD: ...as well as the actions of Lyle Bolton...

WALLER: Alleged.

OSWALD: I want Crane off your hit list, and your two agents in the field are to be recalled immediately - should you happen to find them. Deal?

Pause.

WALLER: Deal.

OSWALD: Most excellent.

WALLER: We’ll be in touch, Mayor Cobblepot.

OSWALD: President Waller.

WALLER: We’re done here. Get me Flag on the secure line. Move!

The helicopter takes off, leaving OSWALD, HARVEY, and HERCULES.

HARVEY: Drink?

OSWALD: Oh god, yes.

INT. RESTAURANT

MAITRE D’: (Good evening sir, welcome to -) Ah. (I’m sorry sir), you will need a, er, (tie) to dine in this restaurant.

JONATHAN: Yeah, I won’t be doin’ that.

MAITRE D’: Pardon, it is... policy. 

JONATHAN: Say that again.

Pause.

JONATHAN: Didn’t think so. Now where’s Edward?

MAITRE D’: Edward? Monsieur Nygma?

JONATHAN: Yes.

MAITRE D’: Ah, (the Southern man).

JONATHAN: (wary) Hmm.

MAITRE D’: (That changes everything). We ‘ave been expecting you.

JONATHAN: Thanks.

MAITRE D’: Follow me, (please).

Restaurant sounds; JONATHAN gets to the table.

MAITRE D’: (Your guest), monsieur Nygma.

EDWARD: Merci, Etienne. 

MAITRE D’: (Anything for the gentleman. Excuse me.)

ETIENNE leaves.

EDWARD: You took your time.

JONATHAN: Yeah, I’m a busy man, these days.

EDWARD: Where’s your tie?

JONATHAN: Don’t you start too.

EDWARD: My apologies, I forgot about your aversion to class.

JONATHAN: “Southern man”?

EDWARD: (amused) Well, to be frank I said “Southern Idiot”, but you have to give them credit for their discretion.

JONATHAN: Hilarious. Saw your girls outside. Cleanin’ your car.

EDWARD: Mm, with three hands. It makes for an amusing spectacle.

JONATHAN: Had a good laugh ‘til she told me to piss off. Must be losin’ my charm. 

EDWARD: The sight would be adorable if it weren’t so pitiful.

JONATHAN: I’m sensing there’s a story there.

EDWARD: You remember getting pulled over in Minnesota?

JONATHAN: What, the sticker?

EDWARD: Mmhmm. 

JONATHAN: You busted her shoulder over a sticker?

EDWARD: Not personally. I did have every intention of having Query break Echo’s thumbs as punishment, but I was sadly interrupted in the course of progress and had to reconvene.

JONATHAN: I could’ve just given her a spanking.

EDWARD: Call me a spoilsport, but threatening someone with a good time isn’t as effective.

JONATHAN: So you broke her arm instead?

EDWARD: Dislocated.

JONATHAN: Oh forgive me.

EDWARD: Query says it was a sparring accident, but she doesn’t tend to have accidents. Seems more to me like they settled up on a debt before I could think of something more creative for the next time.

JONATHAN: They know you pretty well, then.

EDWARD: Mm. (tickled) Honour is satisfied. 

JONATHAN: Honour. Pff. Vengeance.

EDWARD: You’ve got yours, and I’ve got mine. Oh, speaking of happy little accidents, look at this article I got out of the Daily Planet.

JONATHAN: (reading under his breath) Young man found... delirious... naked... paranoid... institutionalised... Wait a minute. Police chief’s son? You’re shittin’ me.

EDWARD: Right there in the black and white.

JONATHAN: It’s good to be right. 

EDWARD: Even more right than usual. Did you clock who wrote it? 

JONATHAN: Clark Kent. (laughs) You think he flattened his keyboard, writin’ that?

EDWARD: Must have chafed him something fierce.

JONATHAN: Mmm. Well this has been a peach of a conversation, but if we could just get to something resembling a point, I have a busy night ahead.

EDWARD: I’m sure I have no idea what you mean.

JONATHAN: We’re in a populated place, the menus don’t have prices on them, and I needed a tie to get in. This is a place you take someone when you don’t want them to make a scene. So stop insulting my intelligence and tell me why I’m sitting here.

EDWARD: (hard exhale) Okay. (under his breath) At the end of the day, I can’t call myself a coward.

JONATHAN: I have a lot of other words I’d use first.

EDWARD: Here.

JONATHAN: What’s this, your Last Will and Testament?

EDWARD: Possibly. In a way I wish it were.

JONATHAN: Down the docks. Warehouse F. (pause) Very spooky, Ed. This have a point?

EDWARD: Remember when you lost the only thing you ever loved?

JONATHAN: I do, and thank you for bringin’ that up.

EDWARD: Well, that’s where... that... is.

JONATHAN: How about we try that in English.

EDWARD: Ichabod. Is at the docks.

JONATHAN: My bird.

EDWARD: Yes. 

JONATHAN: Someone took my dead bird outta my office and brought her to the docks?

EDWARD: Someone took your bird, yes.

JONATHAN: She’s dead, Ed. You can say it.

EDWARD: What I’m trying to say is - she wasn’t dead when someone took her out of your office.

JONATHAN: Her head was damn near pulled off her body, Ed. Now it’s been a while since med school, but I can do the 2 and 2 on that one. I know what I saw.

EDWARD: And after you saw what you saw, I saw what I saw.

JONATHAN: How long after I saw?

EDWARD: Probably about half an hour after you... checked out.

JONATHAN: Lyle Bolton killed my bird, Edward. He left her body in the cage for me to find.

EDWARD: He killed A bird, yes. He left A body in the cage. And your - mind - filled in the necessary gaps.

JONATHAN: Are you sayin’ I can’t tell when any old dead bird is mine? The same goddamn bird I’ve had since I was eleven? You sayin’ I couldn’t recognise her?

EDWARD: It was dark, it was shocking, it was the closest thing you have to an actual fear - and I think somebody knew that.

JONATHAN: Somebody? You think somebody like Lyle Bolton could fuck with MY head like that? 

Their raised voices are getting everyone’s attention.

JONATHAN: I’m a fucking doctor, Ed - if Bolton was any dumber, he’d have to be watered twice a week. If there was anyone who likes fuckin’ with heads, it’s you.

EDWARD: Oh for Christ’s sake.

JONATHAN: Then who, Ed? Who’s getting their jollies at my expense?

EDWARD: I don’t... know yet. I’m trying to get answers, but no one’s talking. And don’t even get me started on Jervis --

JONATHAN: Jervis? What’s he got to do with it?

EDWARD: He... helped. He got dragged into it somehow - he was the one who handed her off to someone outside.

JONATHAN: Why are you talkin’ like you’ve been workin’ this case for months? How long have you known about all this?

EDWARD: I’m, I’m only just now putting it all together.

JONATHAN: No. You don’t “just” put things together. You’ve known. You’ve known this whole time. When I was drinkin’ myself to death. When I was grievin’ - when I - when I cried. 

EDWARD: Jon, I - I’m sorry.

JONATHAN ignores him.

JONATHAN: What kind of sick fuckin’ joke is this? I can’t believe I - I trusted you, man. I called you my friend. 

EDWARD: I didn’t want you to tear yourself to pieces getting her back. As soon as you’d found out she was alive, you’d have burned the whole city down to get her back and gotten yourself killed.

JONATHAN: And that woulda been my right. You had... so much time! There was the fuckin’ - Waffle House, shit, there was goddamn Ohio where you could’ve told me. 

EDWARD: There never seemed to be a good time.

JONATHAN: I could’ve fixed this ages ago. But no, you had to take the long way back, wastin’ my damn time on your stupid little road trip.

EDWARD: That was not a waste of time. You were getting better.

JONATHAN: You see any strings on my fuckin’ wrists? No - ‘cause I ain’t your fuckin’ puppet! I ain’t your puppet, and I ain’t your patient! Or maybe you’re so deep in Cobblepot’s pocket you had to protect your precious city from me?

EDWARD: It’s not like that.

JONATHAN: Both of you playin’ your games like the goddamn kings of Gotham - what, you get off on it? Is that it?

A scuffle in the distance at the host stand interrupts them.

WAYLON: ‘S okay, I jus’ gotta see my buddies for a sec. Dere dey are! Hey! Jonny! Eddie!

EDWARD: (wary) Oh, not now.

WAYLON: Hey guys! Jonny, I got your keys for your truck.

Keys jingling.

WAYLON: It’s all gassed up and good to go, now there’s a dildo in the front seat, but don’t worry, (chuckles) it ain’t mine. (pause) Hey, what’s goin’ on? You guys look like somebody shit in your soup.

Disgusted patron noises.

JONATHAN: Just found out I’ve got a knife in my back.

WAYLON: Ohh. Now don’t you blame Eddie too bad Jonny, he was just tryin’ to help. It wasn’t lyin’, it was jus’ not tellin’ all the facts.

EDWARD: (under his breath) Oh, mercy.

JONATHAN: Waylon knew. (laugh) Okay. So everyone knew but me. Y’know what, Waylon, I expect this kind of shit from Ed, but you? That’s just disappointin’.

WAYLON stammers. WAYLON leaves.

EDWARD: No, Waylon, wait! (furious) Oh bravo, Crane, well done. Stellar! Brilliant! You know, I’m familiar with kicking down, but that? You’ll regret that.

JONATHAN: Oh, you threatenin’ me now?

EDWARD: Always the fucking nuclear option for you, isn’t it? That’s what got us all into this mess in the start! Because you can never leave well enough alone and when somebody finally fires back, you kill five fucking people! You don’t just walk that one back, Jon!

JONATHAN: Who the fuck asked you to fix any of my messes?

EDWARD: I was trying to help you!

JONATHAN: I AM NOT YOUR PROBLEM!

JONATHAN has gotten to his feet: entire restaurant is silent. EDWARD too.

JONATHAN: I’m gettin’ Ikky back, and after I do... we’re done. I’ve had enough of... this.

EDWARD: (rising) Jon, if you just wait, I -

JONATHAN punches EDWARD; shocked restaurant reactions. JONATHAN leaves.

EDWARD: (hissing) And there it is. (shouting after JONATHAN) Have fun killing yourself, Jon! That’s what you’re best at! (pause) What are you staring at? (snaps his fingers) 

Music resumes; conversation, too.

SERVER: Yes, sir?

EDWARD: Get me a drink.

SERVER: The usual?

EDWARD: Yes. And ice. Lots of ice.

SERVER: Of course, sir.