ROGUES | S01E19: Rude Awakenings (Patreon)

ROGUES | S01E19: Rude Awakenings

TELEVISION AD

ANNOUNCER: The world of mental health is ever-changing, and so to must we. Which is why we’re pleased to introduce the newly renovated Arkham Rehabilitation Center, or ARC. We’ve upgraded the facility to match the needs of our patients, providing the same expert care you’ve come to expect in a much more efficient way! Gone are the rusted fences, and outdated equipment that made Arkham an eyesore. Now you can be treated, knowing your health and safety is 100% guaranteed.

So remember, when the maladies of life begin to flood your mind, body and soul, come to the ARC.

EXT. ARKHAM ASYLUM - DAY

Two guards standing outside.

GUARD ONE: So let me get this straight. You haven’t watched the show, but it still sucks.

GUARD TWO: Yeah.

GUARD ONE: And that makes sense to you.

GUARD TWO: If it was any good, I’d have seen it by now.

GUARD ONE: Because you’re the authority on good television. The guy who TiVo’d Bikini Slaughter 6 is a judge of good entertainment.

GUARD TWO: Have you seen it?

GUARD ONE: I don’t have to, to know it’s garbage.

GUARD TWO: And thus the circle is complete.

GUARD ONE: I...

GUARD ONE sighs.

GUARD TWO: Well, fuck me.

GUARD ONE: Huh?

GUARD TWO: Look who’s back.

GUARD ONE: I can’t believe it.

GUARD TWO: No cuffs. No straightjacket. A free man. Makes me sick.

GUARD ONE: That’s power for you.

GUARD TWO: That’s money for you.

GUARD ONE: Six of one.

JONATHAN CRANE approaches.

JONATHAN: Gentlemen.

The guards are silent.

JONATHAN: Door don’t open itself.

GUARD ONE: Might wanna consider using the side entrance.

GUARD TWO: Might be safer.

JONATHAN: That right.

GUARD ONE: Be a shame if you didn’t make it to your office on your first day back.

JONATHAN: You gonna keep running your mouth, boy, or you gonna make a move?

GUARD TWO unlocks the door.

JONATHAN: Congratulations - you’re smarter than your friends were.

GUARD ONE: You son of a--

JONATHAN: Walkin’ away now. You have a good day now. Y’hear?

GUARD ONE: What a piece of shit.

GUARD TWO: You sure showed him.

GUARD ONE: I didn’t see you doin’ anything.

GUARD TWO: You kiddin’? ...He scares the fuck outta me, even when he ain’t singin’ in the halls.

GUARD ONE: Whatever, man. If Bolton were here, he’d--

GUARD TWO: Get killed by Dr. Spooky all over again.

GUARD ONE: (sighs) I hate this place.

GUARD TWO: Good. If you liked it, I’d say you belonged here.

INT. GOTHAM MEMORIAL - DAY

Gordon is paying Bullock a visit before he gets discharged.

NURSE: If you need anything, the button's on the wall.

GORDON: Thanks, Hailey.

HAILEY leaves.

GORDON: Well how about that? I was starting to think you’d never be getting outta here.

BULLOCK: Hey Jim.

GORDON: How are ya, Bull?

BULLOCK: I’d be a million times better if they got this goddamn catheter out of me.

GORDON: Catheter? Why hell’re you still wearing a catheter?

BULLOCK: Doc says it’s my prostate or something. Nothing serious, but I was crampin’ pretty bad.

GORDON: Gettin’ old, huh?

BULLOCK: Better than the alternative.

GORDON: Sometimes I wonder.

BULLOCK: You alright, Jim?

NURSE screams from the hall.

GORDON: What the hell?

GORDON runs out to the hall; screams are heard as there’s a commotion in the hall.

GORDON: Who is that?

TRANSFER GUARD: He was a transfer from Blackgate to Arkham. He had a seizure so we brought him here until they found out what was causing it.

GORDON: Alright son, no one needs to get hurt today.

ZSASZ: [Unclean! Unclean!]

GORDON: Put the scalpel down, son.

ZSASZ: [You will all be saved!]

GORDON: Don’t worry, Hailey. You’ll be okay. Look at me - you’ll be alright.

A brief moment of worry.

GUNSHOT.

TRANSFER GUARD: He’s down! Move in!

HAILEY is crying against GORDON’S chest.

GORDON: You’re alright. You’re alright. Good to know you can still shoot.

BULLOCK: What can I say? I’m a big, damn hero. Now I need to go sit down... I still got the catheter in me.

INT. JONATHAN CRANE’S OFFICE - EVENING

JONATHAN is working quietly at his desk.

The door opens.

OSWALD: Dr. Crane.

JONATHAN: Mr. Mayor.

OSWALD: I trust the new surroundings meet your expectations.

JONATHAN: Lights are too bright.

OSWALD: The wattage can be lowered if it makes your uncomfortable.

JONATHAN: Too many people around. Don’t wanna sign in to use my office.

OSWALD: Well, one can’t be too careful, it would seem.

JONATHAN: That so.

OSWALD: Yes. That is so. I enjoy a lockdown as much as the next man, but two within a year and I fear people will suspect that I’m not able to maintain order.

JONATHAN: So everyone’s scared of the big bad doctor. Pathetic.

OSWALD: You know, my father used to say “the weight of a man’s words will either lift him to the heavens, or drag him to hell.” He was a man of many words, my father. Many joked that he turned more phrases than a lathe turned wood. And while I myself am known for my... loquacious pontifications, I’ve always felt that action was more like to generate results.

OSWALD grunts while hitting JONATHAN in the back of his knees with his umbrella.

JONATHAN: HNGH!

OSWALD grabs JONATHAN by the throat.

OSWALD: Now I don’t know why Jeremiah Arkham seems to think the sun shines out your arse, but I own this facility now, which means I own everything therein. You are mine now, Jonathan Crane, and when something I own stops working properly, I dispose of it. Your little “Big Bad Doctor” routine cost me six lives, and I--

JONATHAN laughs.

JONATHAN: Like you’ve ever given a shit about a human life.

OSWALD: Those lives cost MONEY!

OSWALD strikes JONATHAN across the face.

OSWALD: I couldn’t give a ha’penny shit for the people you killed, but I will not personally finance your way to slaughtering whomever you like, whenever the mood strikes you. That is why you will sign in to use your office. That is why you will be recorded at all times. Because until you can show me that you are capable of practising restraint for once in your miserable life, you will be mine. You don’t sit without my say so, you don’t get coffee until you get my blessing, and you don’t piss until I’ve signed off on it! Are we clear?

JONATHAN: Yes.

OSWALD: Are we CLEAR?

JONATHAN: Yes, Mr. Cobblepot.

OSWALD: Good boy. Now get back to your work - you’re not paid to sit about.