The Riddler Speaks - Casefile #0169 (Patreon)

EDWARD: Oswald, come in.

OSWALD: Oswald here. Have you made your decision?

EDWARD: I have. (sigh, long pause) Send Harvey up. We’re in the third floor laundry - tell him to watch his step.

OSWALD: Very good. Harvey will be along directly. Out.

(pause)

PAMELA: That’s it then, is it?

EDWARD: Yes, that’s it.

PAMELA: Fine. Have it your way. But I won’t forget this, Nygma.

EDWARD: No, I expect you won’t.

PAMELA: I’m going to see to my plants. At least they appreciate my efforts.

(PAMELA leaves; EDWARD sighs)

EDWARD: Oh, that’s just what I need.

HARLEY: Are you okay, Eddie?

EDWARD: I feel a migraine coming on.

(HARVEY enters)

HARVEY: Told ya you’d made a mistake.

EDWARD: And there he is.

HARVEY: Where’d Bane go?

SELENA: Got bored. W  andered off; probably punching his way back to freedom.

HARVEY: Better think of a plan fast. Somebody just sent up a flare on the roof.

ED: Who?

DENT: Our money’s on Bolton – half of his guards are dead, other half probably fled, or worse.

KYLE: Hmmm, even Bolton would have to know when he’s beaten.

ED: Who would he be hoping to signal, though? We’re miles from… anywhere.

HARV: Maybe he’s not looking for help.

HARL: You think he’s trying to call Jonny out?

HARV: It’d be hard to get the jump on someone on the roof.

ED: It’s certainly a more even playing field up there.

HARV: We better move.

SELENA: Agreed. It’s much harder to get killed down here.

ED: Your optimism is inspiring.

(SELENA hisses.)

(The group walks up the stairs, but is stopped at the door.)

HARL: You gotta be kiddin’ me!

ED: What?

HARL: It’s locked.

ED: Keypad?

HARL: Mmmhmm!

ED: What day is it?

HARV: October 31st.

ED and SELENA: 2-4-5-1

ED: Impressive.

(Door unlocks.)

ED: Now, keep an eye out for – THUNK.

HARL: Eddie!

BOLTON: Nygma? I should’ve known you’d be meddling. Can’t keep your nose out of anything, can you?

NYGMA: Ugh… Well I’m terribly sorry, Bolton. I guess I just get antsy when some dickhead

places Arkham on lockdown.

BOLTON: I did what I had to do! Jonathan Crane flipped his fuckin’ lid.

ED: Well shit, I can’t imagine why!

BOLTON: Who else is in there? All of you, get out here.

(The group walks out.)

BOLTON: Dent? Quinzel? And… who the fuck are you?

SELENA: I’m Batman.

BOLTON: Oh, we’re just all fuckin’ comedians tonight, ain’t we? Maybe I should… What’s that?

ED: What?

BOLTON: Quinzel. What’s in your hand?

HARL: Nothin’!

BOLTON: The other hand.

HARL: Nothin’…?

BOLTON: Just, gimme tha-

HARL: Hey!

BOLTON: An inmate carrying a weapon during a lockdown.

HARL: Give her back!

BOLTON: You know how long you’re going to solitary for this?

ED: I think solitary confinement is the least of our worries right now.

BOLTON: Eh?

SCARECROW: BOLTON!

BOLTON: Well, well, well… look who decided to show up.

SCARECROW: It’s time to pay the piper, son.

BOLTON: I’ve been waitin’ a long time for this.

SCARECROW: Not scared, are you?

BOLTON: Only of what I’m gonna do to you.

(SCARECROW lunges. BOLTON catches him, headbutts him. SCARECROW jumps back up, opens his SCYTHE and charges. BOLTON activates his baton and shocks SCARECROW.  While SC recovers, BOLTON picks up SC’s scythe.)

BOLTON: Fuck, you are a hayseed. Bringing a scythe to a gunfight.

SCARECROW: Keep it. I don’t need it to kill you.

BOLTON: Prove it.

(BOLTON throws the scythe away. They begin to fight.)

CUT TO:

ED: Anytime you’d like to test your aim would be great, Harley.

HARL: Sure. Just ask Bolton to get it out of his vest first.

ED: Shit.

SELENA: You mean this?

HARL: Bo-Peep! How did you do that?

SELENA: It’s kinda my thing. I also have Harvey’s wallets.

HARV: What?

CUT TO:

SCARECROW: Come on, boy! Where’s your fightin’ spirit?

BOLTON: I’m gonna… rip you to pieces…

BOLTON lunges, falls. BOLTON stumbles, gets punched by SCARECROW and falls again.

SCARECROW: You made a mistake, son. Shouldn’t’ve watched your tone with our Jonny.

BOLTON: You fuckin’ nutbar… All because I took your little birdy away.

(SCARECROW holds BOLTON in a headlock.)

CUT TO:

ED: Take the shot, Harley!

HARL: I can’t get a clear line o’ sight – Bolton’s in the way.

HARV: Oh for fuck’s sake.

HARVEY takes the gun.

HARL: No!

(HARVEY shoots – the shot goes wide.)

ED: Jesus, Harvey! Next time shoot yourself and save us the trouble! Do you have another shot, Harley?

HARL: No, but if I can find the dart, it should still work.

ED: Right, Selena, Harley – find that dart.

SELENA: Right.

CUT TO:

SCARECROW: Shhh now… let Scarecrow end your suffering…

(BOLTON laughs.)

SCARECROW: I’d love to know what’s so funny.

BOLTON: You did… exactly what he said you’d do.

SCARECROW: Well HROO HRAA, Lyle Bolton.

SCARECROW breaks BOLTON’S neck.

SCARECROW laughs.

SCARECROW: Now then… what to do with you lovely folk?

EDWARD: You got your revenge, Scarecrow - now give Jon back.

SCARECROW: (Laughs) Oh my no! Jonny’s much safer kept indoors… and there’s still far too much fun to be had!

CUT TO:

SELENA: Fuck.

HARL: Keep looking.

CUT TO:

ED: You ready for a fist-fight, Harvey?

HARV: We’re always ready.

HARV, ED, and SCARECROW throw down. SCARECROW knocks them both down.

SCARECROW: How’ bout we bring a little fear to this party?

(aerosol hiss; EDWARD reacts quickly and shoves HARVEY aside)

HARVEY: The fuck -

EDWARD: Harvey, get back!

(aerosol hits EDWARD, who coughs)

EDWARD: Oh, I didn’t miss this. (cough) Damn you, Jon. Rapid heartrate, mounting panic… check… (coughs)

SCARECROW: What do you see?

EDWARD: There are no faces… nobody… I can’t see… I don’t know who you are. I can’t… I can’t remember… No faces.

(SCARECROW laughs)

SCARECROW: Glorious. You’re such a beautiful boy when you’re afraid.

HARVEY: Fuckin’ freak.

SCARECROW picks up his scythe and activates it.

SCARECROW: Time for you to go.

HARVEY: Make a move.

SCARECROW yells and charges. SELENA whips SCARECROW, pulling his foot out from under him.)

SELENA: Not this time.

SCARECROW: Bitch! (Replace if you can’t do it right, don’t be like EVERYONE ELSE).

EDWARD: (quietly) The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal. The Eiffel Tower is 300 metres tall, 324 metres to the tip; it grows taller in the summer and shorter in the winter. Goldfish don’t have stomachs. The interrobang symbol is used after rhetorical questions.

HARLEY: Aha! I found it, I found it!

(SCARECROW turns.)

HARLEY: Shit.

SCARECROW pounces on HARLEY.

(SCARECROW: No escape this time, little lamb! Now you die!)

HARLEY: I’m sorry, Jonny.

(HARLEY fires into SCARECROW’S chest.)

(SCARECROW growls loudly before losing his balance and passing out on his back.)

SELENA: Edward - are you okay?

ED coughs.

ED: Dandy.

SELENA: Blast like that, thought you’d be done for.

ED: Worked through it; it’s not the first time. (EDWARD gets up.) I must say, that went well. I mean, given the circumstances.

DENT: We ain’t done yet.

ED: Oh, I think we are.

DENT: No - justice must be done.

SELENA: I think there’s been enough “justice” for one night.

HARVEY: He started this mess. He endangered the Mayor, killed people, fucked things all the way up. He has to pay for it.

ED: And that’s for you to decide, is it? That’s the last time I take a hit for you, quisling.

HARVEY: Get out of our way.

ED: No. Step back. Oswald appointed me his deputy. In his absence, you follow MY word.

(HARVEY punches ED.)

HARL: Eddie!

SELENA: What the fuck, Harvey?

HARVEY: Jonathan Crane went too far this time. He would have killed any of us without a moment’s hesitation. As Gotham City’s new District Attorney, we find him guilty, and his sentence is death.

ED: You can’t.

HARVEY: Watch us.

ED: You didn’t… flip for it.

HARVEY waits a moment, and then growls and sighs. He flips. It lands.

HARVEY: Well… looks like luck isn’t on your side tonight.

HARLEY: No…

HARVEY pulls the trigger. It clicks. HARVEY pulls the trigger again.

HARVEY: The f-fuck?

SELENA: Oops. No bullets.

HARLEY comes out with a wicked left hook and sends HARVEY to his ass.

ED: We’re done here. Let Oswald know that the situation is over, Harvey. Fill him in on the details so he can get everything else under control.

HARVEY: But… you can’t just -

ED: Go.

(HARVEY growls, gets to his feet and leaves.)

(CRANE groans; EDWARD runs over)

EDWARD: Jon? Jon??

CRANE: Ungh.. don’t need to shout. I’m right here.

EDWARD: Oh thank god. Jon, we need to…

(HELICOPTERS can be heard in the distance.)

EDWARD: Shit. Shit shit SHIT. Uhh…

HARLEY: It’s the GCPD! What do we do?

EDWARD: Run, Jon. Get out of here.

CRANE: What? What happened?

EDWARD: There’s no time to explain. Just… go! Get as far away from here as you can!

CRANE: Ed, I…

EDWARD: For once will you PLEASE just listen? Get in your truck and go. You can’t be here right now. I’ll… I’ll find you when it’s safe.

SELENA: Think that was a good idea?

EDWARD: I have no idea. Grab Jon’s scythe. We need to get back downstairs before all hell breaks loose.

HARLEY: What about Bolton? His body?

EDWARD: Leave it. He’s not our problem any more.