Dr. Jonathan Crane, MD - Entry 032b (Patreon)

(hurried footsteps)

CRANE: Goddammit. Why am I always runnin’ late? Shit – Grace! Hold all my calls, would ya?

(jingling of keys)

CRANE: Gotta get in the goddamn office – (opens the door) Uh – Lucenzo. Now how did you get in here?

LUCENZO: Corvus brachyrhynchos. She is beautiful, dottore. What did you say her name was?

CRANE: I didn’t. It’s Ichabod. 

LUCENZO: Ichabod. Meravigliosa.

CRANE: Uh, if it’s all the same, I’d like her back in the cage, please. Nothin’ personal. 

LUCENZO: Si. Certamente. 

CRANE: I coulda sworn I had my office locked. Did you-

LUCENZO: They called me Professor Pyg. 

CRANE: Who’s they?

LUCENZO: Sedare. Please. Sit. When I spoke at Gotham University, I discussed the possibility of creating the perfect human. 

CRANE: Like the Vitruvian Man.

LUCENZO: Not so much. Not the muscle or physique. Perfect inside. To always be happy; no depression. No fear. 

CRANE: Go on.

LUCENZO: I was not alone in thinking this possible; there was a girl. Anya. She share my vision. She was - (sigh) beautiful. As chiseled from the finest ivory. I told her this… she smile. She laugh. She say: “if you fall in love with statues, I should call you Pygmalion.” 

CRANE: Metamorphoses. 

LUCENZO: Hm? 

CRANE: Metamorphoses – by Ovid.

LUCENZO: Si. Yes. She believe in perfection – so adamantly. So fervently. It was possible. She would be my Galatea. I would be her Pygmalion. And she would be the first.

CRANE: The first, uh…?

LUCENZO: I remember, she gave me a journal. And painted on the front was Professor Pygmalion. (sigh) Bellissimo. But the young can be cruel. Rude. I don’t know how they found out, but the word spread that the brilliant Professor Valentino came from a family of butchers and pig farmers. Then I started to hear the names. The jokes. The squeals. 

CRANE: Sticks and stones though, yeah? Now, what – 

LUCENZO: Oh, si. This was nothing I could not handle. I grew up heavy; the allusions are hardly new. But I remember coming to class and finding my journal – my treasure – defaced. The black marker, it covered the book and now – I had a new name. Professor Pyg. I was not mad. I saw this as a cry for help. They were, uh, troubled. And it fell to me to make them better. Their Professor Pyg would make them perfect. 

CRANE: What did you do? (pager goes off) Ah, shit – look, this is gonna have to wait until next week, I’m afraid. 

LUCENZO: It’s no problem, dottore. We will talk later. (opens the door, leaves, closes the door) 

CRANE: (picks up the receiver, punches buttons) Who’s paging me… Bolton. I gave express orders NOT to be interrupt- who? Right, I’m on my way. (puts down receiver)