The Riddler Speaks - Casefile #0143 (Patreon)

EDWARD: Anonymous asked: "What are your feelings on the Robins you've had to fight over the years?" Lankybrunette etc asked: Hello Riddler... So many questions... Keep things interesting... Blah blah blah... Thoughts on the five... smartest, strongest, most annoying, child labour... Jessie-chan16 asked: Robins, blah blah blah... 

I get the idea. The turdus migratorius; tending to be as transient as the bird itself. Firstly, insofar as the child labour goes, it is not the strangest or most illegal thing that happens in Gotham. As far as the authorities are concerned, they are on a field trip with Daddy. The aspect most objected to is how late the child is out of bed, though I have yet to meet a rogue who prefers to work during the day. The pipsqueaks generally leave me to Papa Bats, my being a better cut of villain, but I have taken the opportunity to observe them and thus collate notes for future reference. One never knows when such information could be useful. Allow me to start at the first, and I will decide what you may call my 'favourite' at the end. Dick Grayson was the first, and what a wholesome boy; he was the perfect Baby Bats. He lost his parents at an early age, he was intelligent, athletic, and seemingly able to learn a variety of disciplines. The All-American poster boy, that one. He was Batman writ small, though with an annoyingly chipper disposition. Batman must have been so upset when the boy graduated to calling himself Nightwing and no longer trailed behind like his little duckling. 

Next, there was Jason Todd. None of us believed that the title of Robin would become an apprenticeship position, but apparently Bats needs someone to talk to or he goes slightly peculiar. Thankfully, I suffer from no such affliction. Again, this boy seemed a mini-Bats, with the lost parents as passport to the crime-fighting big time. That boy was more interesting than Grayson, with a rebellious streak a mile wide and a penchant for embarrassing the Big Man. I suppose he felt that the boy needed to be saved - and it may have worked. But, such a sad story. Dear me, such a pity. (snicker) Tim Drake became the third rara avis to join the brood. Despite his being such an heroic boy from a healthy social position, I found myself respecting the brat. His capacity for self-education and persistently correct deduction of so many secret identities are qualities to be admired. The junior Detective was a bright spark indeed, though perhaps unsuited to be a Robin since he was less proficient as a blunt instrument than the others. No bad thing, in my book. Though he is no longer the main apprentice, Drake still seems to be bob bob bobbin' along. Stephanie Brown was not a Robin for a long time, as I recall, but she still counts as the fourth Robin, however brief her tenure. I seem to remember that she is the daughter of the Cluemaster - oh, that is awkward, isn't it - and became the Spoiler to spoil her father's nefarious plans. My dear, that clodpate could have done that all on his own - you merely had to wait. There was no need to join the goody-goodies. However, one can acknowledge that she meant well, at least. I gather she did not curry much favour with the Bat, and there I must concur. 

The girl was well-intentioned, but unskilled. Even Batman is not so forgiving as to allow a liability to be his right hand. This led to her downfall as a Robin, but led to her eventual rebirth as Spoiler. That seems a far better path for her to take - back to her roots, if you like. It should assuage that irrational compulsion to do good. And they have ME locked up in here...  Now the last, Damian Wayne. At the risk of sounding cowardly, I will refrain from criticising this particular Robin. While I am comfortable with my enemies and the myriad of difficulties they do so love to provide, the wrath of Ra's Al Ghul is something that I could do without. As far as I am aware, he remains the current incarnation of Robin, though I confess to not seeing him 'around' of late. Whenever the Bat has turned up, he has gone stag; perhaps the boy was packed off to boarding school. Ad respondendum quaestioni - the popularity contest. I select Tim Drake as my favoured Robin. If I did not find children insufferable, I could have taken him on as another Riddler; I ask you, is there any accolade higher than that?