Dr. Jonathan Crane, MD - Entry 015 (Patreon)

CRANE: Disconcerting. It would seem that I have been beaten to the punch. Police are unconscious. Alive, but out. Dammit. Who would want to get the drop on – oof!

CRANE and JOKER: How did you – I didn’t – where’s Edward/where’s Eddie? – what?

CRANE: What are you doing here?

JOKER: What are YOU doing here?

CRANE: Trying to save a man’s life.

JOKER: Well then. We have similar goals. 

CRANE: I find that very hard to believe. Considering you tried to kill him yourself.

JOKER: Don’t you believe that a man can change, Jonny old boy?

CRANE: No.

JOKER: Alright then. It’s because I don’t like people touching my stuff. If Eddie dies, it’ll be because I killed him. Comprende? I called dibs!

CRANE: I would be more worried about your own life than Edward’s. 

JOKER: Oh Jonathan, please – you can’t scare me anymore.

CRANE: Can’t I? (spritz of fear toxin aerosol)

JOKER: (coughs) Oh. Ohh. Not bad. Hm. What other flavours you got? 

CRANE: I shouldn’t be surprised. But unless you’ve become bulletproof too, it looks like someone still has your number. 

JOKER: OUR number, I think you mean. 

CRANE: Valid point. 

JOKER: Then let’s get the riddle and get OUT of here! (clears throat, pushes button on walkie talkie) Puddin’ to Goldilocks – come in, Goldilocks! Over! (aside) She got to pick the names today.

HARLEY: (over walkie talkie) Roger Puddin’. This is Goldilocks – over!

JOKER: How’s the scouting? Over.

HARLEY: A-OK, Mr. J. Oopsie! I mean, Puddin’. Over!

JOKER: (grumbles) Well done, Goldilocks. Time to – (explosion) Holy hand grenade! 

CRANE: The hell was that?

JOKER: Sounds like someone blew the roof off the card factory.

CRANE: Then we’d better work fast. Look – on the table.

(glass breaking)

BATMAN: Joker! Crane!

JOKER: Oops! I’m not sticking around for this party! You’re on your own, Jon-boy.

CRANE: You wouldn’t dare!

JOKER: Goldilocks – how y’feeling, pooh? Over.

HARLEY: (slightly blown up) Never. Better. Puddin’. Over.

JOKER: Bring the car ‘round m’dear – we’re busting outta here! (laughs and runs off)

CRANE: You damn coward! 

BATMAN: Don’t move, Crane. 

CRANE: Batman. Any other day, I would gladly dance. But not tonight. 

BATMAN: I’m bringing you in.

CRANE: I’m sorry, Batman. (spritzes fear toxin, BATMAN coughs) But I just came for this. 

???: I’m sorry, Dr. Crane. But I’m afraid tonight, there was no right answer. There are too many Rogues in the Gallery. Too many voices that must be… silenced. (bomb countdown beeping) Goodbye, Dr. Crane. Give my regards to the clown, and the bat.

CRANE: Son of a bitch set us up. He’s trying to get us all in one spot. Batman – we need to go. Take this – breathe deep. (BATMAN groans) Tonight, I’m not your enemy. C’mon, Jonathan – run! (explosion)