Diary of a Toy - Day 1 (Patreon)

Day 1

I arrived at the gates to the Zenterprise mansion. Did I mention it’s a mansion? This is their headquarters. We were expected to move in for the duration of our employment, and that was fine by me. They told me the hours would be long, but the pay was great, I didn’t have to risk life and limb to work here, and I wanted to be closer to Lady Z. What if… no, that’s just a stupid fantasy.

I buzzed the intercom, and after a brief exchange, the gates opened. I was to park my car at one of the underground garages. One of?!

It became clear as I drove in. This was an estate with multiple mansions! I could see other similarly large buildings to either side and behind! In fact, I was in one of the rear ones.

Traveling in total awe at a leisurely 15 mph, I realized that it was easily a thirty-plus minute walk in between mansions. This was insane! How many people worked here? This was a seriously expensive operation!

Before I could mull on it any longer, something caught my eye that made my heart soar. Over in the distance, above my designated mansion, there was a human—no, superhuman—in unaided flight. Lady Z! I couldn’t believe it!

I started to tremble with excitement. My heart pounded in my chest. It was my first day on the job, and one of my wildest fantasies had already come true. She was here!

I stepped on the gas. I didn’t want to tear up the idyllic roads or disturb the carefully trimmed hedges decorating the estate grounds, but I couldn’t help it!

I swerved into the underground garage, tires screeching. I nearly tripped out of my car, spilling my documents everywhere, and sprinted furiously toward the entrance.

A beautiful blonde in a pantsuit met me there. Could this be her civilian alter ego?! This was getting out of control! My fantasies were running wild. Besides, there was no way that could be Lady Z. Her chest wasn’t nearly… never mind. Cool it, dude. You’re here to work a job! Still, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fantasize all the time about what Lady Z looked like in civvies…

Her name was Zelda. My heart drummed even harder. Get a grip, dude…

She flashed me a bright smile, scanned my forms, and welcomed me inside. I was gobsmacked. I already knew how large this place was from the outside, but to see its spacious inner workings… wow!

Before I could finish gawking at the enormous antechamber, the elegant, yet not opulent, decor, and the grand, winding staircase, Zelda led me into a small side room. It had wide, flatscreen TVs mounted to all of the walls, each one tuned to different news channels covering Lady Z’s exploits.

“Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.” She leafed through my papers.

“Is everything in order?”

She finally got to the largest release form that I’d signed. I admit, I had just scanned all of them and wrote on the dotted line. Did you know that researchers estimated that humanity would have spent some crazy number of years cumulatively on terms and conditions documents if they actually read every word?

“Good, you signed everything. Especially this one,” she singled out that document.

“Yeah, of course! Um, what exactly are the duties like? Do I have to clock in at a particular time? Or is there a work tracking system?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll feed you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Our meals are really excellent, and you’ll have plenty of variety. We do expect you to keep odd and long hours sometimes, but that’s what publicity is like. It’s nothing someone of your background wouldn’t be able to handle. We love your Z-Blog.”

“Oh, about that… Can I keep writing it? I know it’s a bit of a conflict of interest…”

“Good question. If you like, you can post generic things about your life, but please avoid anything that directly mentions Zenterprise or Lady Z. And don’t post anything inflammatory in general. I know, it really restricts your blog, but image is very important to us.”

“No, I understand! The blog is a small price to pay for working here! Thank you, Zelda! I am so excited! I know on the application, it said that values are the most important. I am totally on board with Lady Z!”

Her eyes gleamed and she smiled again. “Of course.”

I spent the evening unloading and unpacking my belongings. It was quite a haul up the grand staircase to the second floor with all of my luggage. I spent at least two hours just lugging and carting my stuff down the large, velvety carpeted hallways to my room. I couldn’t believe how clean and soft it looked; it pained me to walk across it with my grubby sneakers.

They provided me with a laptop, which welcomed me when I opened it for the first time. I set a password, and I was off to the races.

My calendar was littered with tasks and events already. Breakfast, lunch, dinner times. A list of news sites to watch for. Broadcast TV, cable TV, personal websites, and fan forums… other things that were known to cover Lady Z. I noticed that Z-Blog was on the list. I chuckled.

They would deliver our mail, clean our rooms, do our laundry if we just left a basket outside… wow. Was this a job or a paradise?

Sunday was our day off. If we got clearance, we could leave the estate. Wait, clearance? Sheesh. It made me a little wary, but I’d reserve judgment.

Then I saw it: Tuesday. New hire welcome. Lady Z would be there personally. Oh. My. God.