I am Sorry (Patreon)

Yesterday was probrably the hardest day I have experienced in a while. Life has been busy and things irl are great. I'm stable and the new job and car have been awesome. But I have been failing you guys on a lot of fronts and simultaneously experienced something I can't seem to get away from that coincides with falling short for my friends and supporters.

Firstly I've been years late on some of my best friends work that have supported me since I started doing this art thing. I know life has been a roller coaster for me since 2020 but I hate that I keep people waiting and it's too the point that I know I'm unreliable and faulty at best. I've tried my best but it's always something that gets in the way. I'm truly sorry for that because you guys deserve better. You guys deserve my best and I need to get on the ball.

What really broke me the other day is that within the span of a month the same thing that hits a tender spot for me happened again not once but twice. It's being gassed up to do work for someone that I really want to, only to be ghosted for weeks or months until they come back and gas me up again. Often times showing me what they originally pitched to me done by another artist. It's incredibly damaging for me because this happens at least 2-3 times a year, and it just takes the wind out of my sails. This time it just defeated me because it was back to back. I have the same track record for trades or collabs with mutuals too. Probrably 1 in every 10 follow through and it's just exhausting to be let down and being a let down so much. My confidence is just obliterated every time it happens.

In a karmatic way I deserve it because my words hold no value. Neither does my work. I apologize to you all and I will do better on that.

Sorry for the late night text but. Things are just not okay for me mentally. And the only way I can fix it is by fixing myself. I need to do what I do best. That's knuckling down and working hard. For you guys and myself.

The one shining thing about all this is that I have you all. I wouldn't be here without you. Stable irl living situation and able to take care of myself and my partner. For that I thank you all with everything I have.

There will be a lot of art posted and done in February. The goal is to become the artist I envision myself being. No more waiting, only doing. I've said enough, it's time to get to work ❤️‍🔥