Kolchak: The Role Swapper Chapter 19-20 (Patreon)

Chapter 19

Kolchak decided to try the commissioner out anyway.  The commissioner was Commissioner Sally McMillan.  She was the first female police commissioner in the city's history.

Commissioner McMillan was dressed in a blue business suit and tie with a black belt and black shoes.  Kolchak snuck his way into the commissioner's office and tried to explain about the Role Swapper to obtain the records that he needed.  But he didn't have any more luck here than he did with Inspector Lugar.  Kolchak had to leave when the commissioner's husband arrived.  He was a tall man wearing a loose-fitting red jacket over a peach-colored neck knit top paired with light blue slacks and open-toed sandals.  He had a pearl necklace around his neck and dangling earrings from his ears.

"We have a lunch appointment at 11:45. We have to go,” Stuart McMillan told his wife, the commissioner.

"That didn't go well,” Kolchak thought.  Regardless he had to meet Carol Brady.

Kolchak returned to his office; Carol Brady was waiting for him.  She wore a printed, white-collared tunic under a black sleeveless vest, and matching slacks.  It was a comfortable outfit that was both stylish and functional for walking around town. She also had her daughter, Marcia with her.  Marcia was a teenage girl, but she had the maturity of a toddler.  Marcia was in a large stroller.  Marcia was both naive and curious about the world at the same time, giving her eyes an adorably innocent look.  She was dressed like a toddler despite having the sexy body of a teenager.

"Hello, Mrs. Brady.”

"Carol, please.”

"Hello, Carol.  What is she doing here, you know what we are going to do?”

"I couldn't get a babysitter at such short notice.  I had to take her; I couldn't leave her alone in her condition.”

"I guess not.”

"She'll be fine, she's really very well behaved.”

"I guess it doesn't matter too much.”

"I see the Role Swapper has done a number on you?”

"You mean the voice.”

"Well, that, and your rear.”

"What about my rear.”

"It didn't look like that before.”

Kolchak hadn't noticed, he tried to look over his shoulder at his butt, but it was hard to see.  What little he could see wasn't as he expected it to be.”

"It is what it is.”  Kolchak didn't mention his itchy chest that required him to wear a bra.

"So, what's the plan?”

"You find it and I'll destroy it.”

"How will I find it?”

"Didn't you say something about you knew it would be at your house, that is how you got swapped?”

"Yeah.”

"How did you know?”

"I knew, I just knew.  I don't know how I knew.”

"Do you know where it will be?”

"Sometimes.”

"Do you know where it is now?”

"No, but it'll be at the school in about two hours.  It likes to go there.  Is that where we will go?”

"No, I don't think so.  It's been there so many times, there have been too many changes.  We have to denounce it in front of someone who hadn't been changed.”

"Why?”

"That's what Mork told me.  It has to be in front of a swapping virgin.”

"Alright.  Then where will we do it?”

"You tell me?  Do you know of any other place it'll be?”

"I think at six it'll be at the New Market Mall.”

"That sounds like as good a place as anywhere.”

Marcia liked to watch grown-ups talk.  Although she didn't understand what was going on, she looked interested.  That was until a different look came over her face.  Carol knew right away.

"Where is the restroom?”

"It's just down the hall.”

"OK, I'll be right back, I have to change Marcia.”

"Take your time.”

Kolchak's editor, Oscar the Grouch approached Kolchak while Carol was away.

"How did it go at Dr. Hartley's?”

"I'm not taking any therapy.  I'm not crazy.”

"I never said you were crazy.  You just might need some help.”

"This thing is real, and I have to destroy it.”

"Destroy?”

"Yes.”

"If it's so real how come I don't know anyone who was swapped?”

"You know them, but you just can't tell.”

"Tell me then.”

"You wouldn't believe me.”

"Tell me.”

"I really can't. "

Kolchak didn't know if it was tragic or amusing that a totally naked Oscar the Grouch covered in thick green fur couldn't conceive of the fact that swapping was possible.

"Was that woman you were talking to swapped in some way?”

“When you read my final story, everything will be revealed.”

"Your story?  Until you get a clean bill of health from Dr. Hartley you are on permanent suspension starting immediately.”

"You can't do that?”

"I just did.”

There wasn't any arguing with him.  Kolchak's best bet was to destroy the Role Swapper and then go from there.  But Kolchak couldn't resist a final shot.  "Oscar?”

"What?”

"Put on some pants!”

Chapter 20

Kolchak waited for Carol to finish diapering Marcia, then they exited the offices together.  Kolchak followed Carol Brady home in his own car.  They still had a lot to discuss.

Kolchak waited in the living room while Carol put Marcia down for a nap.  Alice was straightening up around the house.  There were several calls for her.  But she told the girls who called that she couldn't talk as she was working. The calls continued from many high school co-ed.

It didn't take too long before Carol's return.  "Would you like a cup of coffee and maybe a slice of cake.”

"Don't go to any trouble.”

"No trouble at all.”

"Can I ask you a question?” Kolchak inquired.  He had been wondering about this for a while.  Kolchak could see Carol's real body.  Not the body of an adult woman in a nice pantsuit.  But the body of a teenage boy wearing what looked like his mother's clothes.

"Sure.”

"You wanted this to happen to yourself?  I mean you wanted to make this type of swap?”

"Not exactly like this, I wanted to have the body that went along with the life.  I didn't feel right the way I was.  I didn't feel right as a boy.  I wanted to be a woman.”

"Your own mother?”

"She was the only woman I knew well.  I didn't want to give up my family.  It seemed to make sense.  I didn't think about the other stuff.”

"The other stuff?”

"You know the stuff with my husband.  I wasn't thinking about that.  I was...”

Carol was interrupted in the middle of her sentence.  Greg came in and he had news.

"Mom,” Greg said excitedly, "I'm getting married!”

"You're what?”

"You heard me.  I'm getting married.  Sam the Butcher asked me to marry him, and I said 'Yes'.  I'm getting married!”

"Are you sure it's the right thing?”

"I'm sure.  I've been waiting for him to ask me for years now.  I knew he would eventually.  He finally did, I'm getting married!”

Greg threw himself into Coral's arms.  She had to hug him in return.  But she didn't know if it was a good idea.  Greg may have Alice's social life, but he was still in high school.  It didn't seem right. Then in a flash, Greg was gone, he had to tell everyone.  He told Alice first, and then he got on the phone to call all his friends.  Gladys, Mildred, Pearl, and the rest other women who had been Alice's friends before the swap.  They were all happy for him.

Kolchak watched the scene.  He didn't know who Sam the Butcher was or anything about Greg.  Greg didn't look gay.  While Carol and Kolchak were distracted, the Role Swapper showed up again.  Before Kolchak knew it he had the braces in his mouth that had once belonged to Jan Brady.  He felt the metal inside his mouth immediately.  He looked up for the Role Swapper, but it was gone.  It didn't matter anyway, there wasn't anyone in the house who hadn't been swapped so accusing it wouldn't have worked.

Bobby and Cindy wanted to know what was wrong.  Bobby was carrying his doll, Kitty Carry-All.

"Greg is getting married to Sam the Butcher,” Carol informed them.

"You mean Greg will be moving out of my room?  Then it'll just be me and Peter.”

"When they get married.”

"I think it's great,” Bobby said.  "I think everyone should get married."  Cindy's romantic nature had been transferred to him along with her room and all her dolls and toys.

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