Kolchak: The Role Swapper Chapter 15-16 (Patreon)

Chapter 15.

Voiceover:

“It was finally time to see this Mork fellow to find out what this whole thing was about.  There was a chance that this guy was pulling my leg, but I doubted it.  There was sincerity in the way he talked.  I was sure he knew what was going on. The question was why didn't he do something about it?”

Kolchak drove to his house and walked up to the front door.  The place looked very nice in a middle-class sort of way.  He rang the bell and awaited what was to come.

“Hello,” Kolchak said.

“Na-nu na-nu,” was Mork's reply.

Mork wasn't a tall man, he was only five foot seven.  He was wearing an orange and black horizontally striped shirt with rainbow suspended holding up navy slacks and loafers.  It was an odd outfit.  Kolchak wondered if he had been swapped with someone else.  He didn't think so, who would ordinarily be dressed like that?

“Come right in, I've been waiting for you.”

Kolchak followed Mork into his house.  Kolchak sensed a manic energy emanating from Mork.  But there was a sadness dampening it.  The house was furnished like a typical suburban home, but there were a few strange odds and ends about.

Kolchak entered the living room.  He saw an extremely elderly woman on a comfortable chair against a wall.

“Kolchak, this is Mindy.  Mindy, Kolchak.  Kolchak, Mindy.  Kolchak's a reporter. Mindy is well a Mindy.”

“How do you do?”

“Hi,” Mindy said.

When everyone was seated, Kolchak broke the ice.  “You said you know about what is going on.”

“I do.  It's the Ydnimdocknum.”

“What is a Ydnimdocknum.”

“It's a role swapper.  That is what it is.  That is what it does.”

“Where did it come from.”

“Space of course.  Where do you think a thing like that could come from? Newark?”

“What's it doing here?”

“It's swapping roles.  That's why it's the Role Swapper.  You ask such obvious questions.”

“What's it doing here.”

“I told you, it swaps roles.”

“Why?”

“Because that is what it does.  Why does a hummingbird hum?  That is what it does.  It's as simple as that.”

“Why here?”

“Why not here?  It's not the only one, there is a whole race of them.  They go to different planets and swap roles.”

“How do you know this?”

“Because I'm from another planet too.”

“You are?  Have you come here to destroy it?”

“No, I came first.  I like it here.  I want to stay.  It just happened to come later.”

“Do you know how to get rid of it?”

“Yes, I do.”

“How it's pretty simple all you have to do is call it by name in front of someone who hasn't been swapped yet and it'll be destroyed.”

“How will that do it?”

“I don't know.  I don't make up the rules.  This isn't my game.  It's just the way it is.”

“Can you help me to destroy it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I have to take care of Mindy.  That's what I do now.”

“Is Mindy from another planet too?”

“No, she's from Earth.  I did try to do as you said to destroy it.  But Mindy was around and it did this to her.”

“What did it do exactly?”

“Mindy, tell Kolchak you age.”

“I'm 24.”

Mindy looked close to ninety.  The Role Swapper must have stolen her age.

“I see.”

“I can't leave her for very long.  I only get a short time to myself, but she needs me all the time.  She was in physical therapy when I called you, that's why I couldn't meet you immediately.  I had to pick her up and get her home.”

“How do I find the Role Swapper?”

“I thought you could sense him already.  That's how you know about him.”

“I can a little, but I can't see him.  It's more like a vague feeling when he is around.”

“Then you'll have to find someone who can see him.  There are those with that gift.  They can help you.  Because you have to be looking directly at the Role Swapper and pointing right to him when you accuse him.  If not, it won't work.”

“Let me write this down, find him, point at him, accuse him by name around a person who hasn't been swapped at all.”

“DING, DING, DING, Kolchak can understand the spoken word.  Yes, that's it.  But watch out, it'll try and stop you by swapping you or swapping people around you.  I can see it has been making small changes on you.  It's intelligent.  If you fail, it'll know you are after him and make a more substantial change that will make it impossible for you to destroy him.  So be careful.  It's like you have a gun with only one bullet, only fire it when you are absolutely sure.”

“OK, I'll try.  Maybe I can get some help.”

“You had better go now.  I have to give Mindy her bath.  She's had a busy at the physical therapy.”

“Bye.”

Na-nu, na-nu.”

Kolchak left the house.  He had to find someone who could help him.  Someone who could already see the Role Swapper, Ydnimdocknum.

Chapter 16

Kolchak didn't know what additional information Dr. Hartley could give him, but he showed up in Dr. Hartley's office anyway.

Kolchak was greeted by Carol Kester.  Carol was tall, she was very tall.  Kolchak wondered if she had been made so by the Role Swapper.

“I'm Carl Kolchak, I want to see Dr. Hartley,” Kolchak explained.

“Dr. Hartley is in with his group, it should be over in a few minutes, please wait.”

Kolchak took a seat.  He couldn't help but stare at Carol, was she swapped or not.  She was tall, but was she too tall?

Dr. Hartley's office door opened.  I moment later, the door to the stairs seemed to slam shut.   Exiting from the office was Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and a teenager who was a spiderman costume. Wonder Woman was carrying some knitting needles.

“You are a wimp, Peterson,” Batman told Superman.

“I'm not a wimp,” Superman replied.

“I know a wimp when I see one.”

“What's a wimp?” Wonder Woman asked.

“Mrs. Bakerman, it's a weak, ineffectual person,” Dr. Hartley explained.

Wonder Woman looked Superman up and down.  “Close enough,” she agreed.

“A wimp is a guy who can't stand up for himself,” Batman stated to the group.

“It's not that.  I'm...I have to go.” Superman tried to defend himself.

“Why?”

“Lois is in trouble.”

“She broke a nail?”

“Not her nail, it's her heel.  She needs someone to carry her home.  Not only that but she heard there is a lot of traffic on the freeway.”

“Wimp!!! Can't stand up to Lois.”

“Mr. Peterson before you go, I want you to all meet, Mr. Carl Kolchak.  He'll be joining the session next week.”

“What?” Kolchak asked in the high-pitched voice of a little girl. (Tracy Partridge)

“I wanted you to meet the group, but we'll have our own private session today before you begin.  Meet Mr. Carlin, Mrs. Bakerman, Mr. Peterson, and Mr. Plager.” Dr. Hartley was referring to Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman, and the boy in the Spiderman costume.  “You missed Mr. Gianelli, he had to run.”  That was the Flash who left in a split second.

Kolchak realized he had been tricked by Oscar the Grouch, his editor.  He kept silent until the superheroes had exited.

In Dr. Hartley's inner office, Kolchak said, “There has been a mistake.  I don't need therapy.”

“Oscar the Grouch said you were seeing people change.”

“I haven't seen them change; they just have.  Their traits were swapped with another person.”

“.and you don't find that odd?”

“Yes I do.  I have to stop it.”

“How many people have been swapped?”

“I don't know possibly a thousand or so.”

“I see people every day, I haven't seen anyone swapped.  They look normal to me.  I mean they may have problems, but no one said they have had their body swapped with someone else.”

“It doesn't have to be a whole body.  It could be just a small trait.”

“I haven't seen it.”

“Most people don't notice any changes.  But what's the point in talking.  I'm not coming to the group.”

“I think it could do you a world of good.”

“I'm not coming.”  Kolchak left the office.  At the secretary's desk instead of Carol Kester sitting there, he saw Batman.  Batman was putting on lipstick; the only part of his face that was exposed under his cowl.

“When will you be back?” Batman asked.

“Never.”

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