Kolchak: The Role Swapper Chapter 5-6 (Patreon)

Chapter 5

Kolchak himself had started to notice more and more odd occurrences.  But since these weren't people he knew personally; he didn't know if people were changing, or this was the way they always had been.  There are all kinds of people in the world.  Some men simply liked to dress in woman's fashions. There are male beauticians and a whole host of other lifestyles.  He tried to ignore anything he considered strange as 'none of his business.'

Kolchak had been eating at Mel's diner for quite some time.  It was a small friendly place.  You could see the huge placard had a tilted coffee cup on top that said 'Mel's' and the word 'DINER' printed below it from about a half-mile away.  Everyone who took the highway knew that sign.  It had a large black counter where the patrons could sit upon round red stools and several tabled for small groups of two to four.  There were several booths too, it was a typical diner straight out of the dictionary.

All the waitresses there wore the same pale-pink knee-length button-down waitressing dresses with white accents of the collar and sleeves with a matching hat and apron.  The owner, Mel never seemed to hire male wait staff.  Mel appeared to be the only cook in the diner.  That was until now.  Of the three waitresses working today, two of them were men.  All three were in the standard feminine uniform.

“Hiya sweetie,” one of the male waitresses said in a typically male deep voice and southern accent, “what can I get you?”

Kolchak didn't like being called 'sweetie' by anyone.  When the usual waitress called him that it irked him, but who was this man who would call him 'sweetie'?

Kolchak was going to say something, but then he saw the waiter's nametag.  It proclaimed his name as Flo.  Flo was one of the usual waitresses here.  She called him 'Sweetie' all the time.

Instead of speaking his mind, he just told him, “I'm still deciding.”

“Sure thing Sweetie, take your time.”  Then the waiter served another table.

Kolchak took a better look at the waiter.  There was something familiar about him.  Was that really a man?  Maybe it was a woman?  Maybe that wasn't a waiter at all, it was a waitress.  MAYBE THAT WAS FLO?

Kolchak looked at the nametag of the other 'male' waiter.  That one indicated that the wearer was Vera.  The final nametag, this one on the waitress, he knew it would be Alice without having to look.  Curiosity got the best of him.  The nametag did indeed state “Alice”.

When Kolchak took a better look, he discovered that two of the waitresses may have looked like men, but they were women.

Something was happening which piqued Kolchak's interest.

What was also fascinating was that none of the other diners seemed to have a problem with who worked here.  Tvland City was a progressive town, but still, there should be some reaction.  But then again, some of the diners were as 'mixed-up' as the waitresses.

Kolchak sensed a story here.

Kolchak voiceover: “2:00 PM June 14

Joe Mannix made sure to be on time for the appointment with his doctor Marcus Welby.  He had been concerned about the puffiness and tenderness of his chest.  He was worried that it might be cancer.  It was true that there were other symptoms such as muscle weakness, his face felt puffy, his pants weren't fitting right even though his belt size remained the same, and a few other symptoms.  But it was the swelling in the chest that concerned him enough to make an appointment with the doctor.  This was his second visit, the one where the results of his test would be in.

“What's is it doctor.  Is it cancer?”

“No, it's not cancer.  Nothing as serious as that.”

“Then what is it.”

“You have a very rare condition.  I won't give the technical name.  But in effect, your testicles which should be producing testosterone are producing female hormones instead.”

“They are what?”

“They are producing estrogen. That is why your chest is tender.  You are growing breasts.  It is causing that and all of your other symptoms.  Even your acne.”

Joe didn't consider acne a symptom at all.  “What can I do?”

“It's not serious.  But you have two options.”

“What?”

“You can do nothing.”

“OK, then it'll go away?”

“No, it'll continue as it has.”

“What's the other option?”

“You can cut off your testicle and your penis too.”

“What?”

“I'm afraid that is your only option.”

“I'm not going to do that.  Can't you give me pills or something?”

“They won't work.  Those are your only option.”

“Well, I'm not going to cut my balls off.”

“That's fine.  But the symptoms will continue.  In a few months, your hips will be wider, and you'll have full-blown breasts.   There will be other symptoms too.  Your face will become more feminine.  In fact, everything about you will become more feminine.”

Joe couldn't speak, he nodded his head instead to indicate that he understood what the doctor was telling him.

Joe left the office.  He didn't know what to do.  If he did nothing, he would develop more female characteristics.  It was that or castrating himself.

Chapter 6

Voice over Kolchak. “I couldn't have been the only one to notice this phenomenon, so I decided to stop in at one of the local television stations to see what they knew.  I walked into WJM-TV to talk to their crime reporter.  I hadn't been there in quite a while, but I knew something was up when I entered immediately.”

Kolchak entered through the double doors which a glass panel to allow visitors to see into the newsroom.  On the panel was imprinted, “WJM-TV NEWS.”  He pushed the door open and entered.  To his left high up on the wall were a group of six clocks showing the times in several cities including New York and Moscow.  Under that were panes of glass that would a person to see into the newsroom, if there weren't curtains blocking the view.  To the left were desks.  Sitting at those desks were Murray Slaughter and Mary Richards.

Murray Slaughter was bald the last time Kolchak saw him but, on this occasion, long blonde full hair graced his head.  It flowed down his back.  Kolchak knew it wasn't a wig and even if it was why would a man like Murray want hair that pretty.  There wasn't any way to know that the rest of his body hair was completely hairless.  That included his underarms, legs, chest, and his pubic hair.  Underneath his long shirt, and slacks he was as bald and smooth as a baby.

Murray was talking with the new assistant producer Mary Richards at the desk adjacent to his.  But she wasn't dressed as a professional woman.  She was dressed as she had just come from the gym.  She was wearing a light red leotard with black leggings.  Under the leotard was the clear outline of a sports bra.  She wore sneakers.  Her hair was tied in a long ponytail.  Her apparel looked comfortable, but it certainly wasn't appropriate for the assistant producer at a newsroom.  (At the local YMCA a young woman was giving aerobics lessons wearing a long-sleeve tan suit with a white collared shirt, matching pants, and brown pumps with a modest one-and-a-half-inch heel.)

Lou Grant the producer of the WJM new program left his office but turned abruptly when Ted Baxter entered the room.  Ted headed for Lou and confronted him before he re-entered his office.

“Oh Lou,” Ted said with a smile and chuckled.  “You're so transparent.  Pretending to be gruff. Haha.  You are just like Chicken Kyiv, a crusty shell although all soft and runny on the inside.”

“Ted don't compare me to food!  I don't like being compared to food.”

“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?”

“I liked it better when you compared me to food.”

“Sweet, adorable, bashful, shy Lou,” Ted flirted opening.

Lou tried to retreat to his office, but Ted wouldn't let him.

“Don't try and hide it any longer.”

“Don't try and hide what?”

“Your true feelings for me.”

“Ah.”

“Oh, I know how much you're attracted to me.  You know how I know?”

“Um.”

“Because you go through such lengths to hide it.”

Mary and Murray watched the scene in amusement.  They had seen it before.

“Ted,” Lou said in clear but raised tones, “I am not attracted to you.”

“See?  That's why you are always avoiding me. So, if you know you get too close, you are afraid that the pilot light of desire that flickers inside you will bust into a roaring flame of desire for me!”

“Ted, for god's sake.”

Lou finally got into his office.  Ted entered and closed the door behind them.

When the scene was done, Kolchak asked Murray if he saw Howard Arnell the beat reporter.

Kolchak entered the studio towards where Howard should be.  On the way, he saw Sue Ann Nivens, the happy homemaker with Georgette Franklin.  They were standing close, snuggling

They weren't Kolchak's business that there were engaged to be married, so he continued by.

“Howard, have you heard of anything strange going on with people?” Kolchak asked.  He didn't bother with any pleasantries.

"Strange?”

“People not acting or looking the way they should.”

“What do you mean?”

“It's hard to explain, like men who dress as women?”

“Crossdressing isn't strange.”

“No, I mean all of a sudden and in the open, they do that.  Men who have never worn women's apparel before.”  I went on to explain several of the events he had personally seen.

“I haven't seen or heard anything like that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.  But I'll ask around and see if anyone has a clue as to what you're talking about.  But I think you are seeing conspiracies that don't exist.”

“Thanks.”

Kolchak walked away.  He was pulled aside by Gordy Howard the weatherman.

“Yeah.”

“I've been seeing that type of thing.”

“You have?”

“Yeah, people acting totally out of character or looking strange or having strange abilities.”

“Strange abilities?”

“Have you ever seen a man in his sixties who does cartwheels on the grass?”

“No.”

“I have.  Even here people have changed.”

“What people?”

“Mary for one.  She started to come to work just a few days ago wearing activewear.  You see her in her leotard?”

“Yeah.”

“That is more than she usually wears.  Most of the time, she comes in in only a sports bra and leggings.  Or a sports bra with tight biker shorts or tights underneath bright pastels.  It's strange.  All of a sudden Murray's hair became long and luxurious.  Sometimes, he has it braided or up in a bun.  Sue Ann is dating Ted's girlfriend.  It's strange.”  Gordy didn't tell Kolchak that he should be a black man, not have Caucasian skin.

Kolchak returned to his own newsroom.  On the way, his chest changed.  His chest got a little bit itchy.  He didn't inspect the area as it wasn't too much of a bother.  If he had, he could have found that his nipples were puffy.  His male chest was swapped with the chest of a pre-teen girl who had just started developing breasts.  She was wearing a training bra.  Kolchak should be the one who was wearing the training bra.  It would help with the itchiness.

Kolchak took the information he heard and wrote a small story about how people had changed.  He tried to keep it light such that only those who notice the condition would recognize what was happening.  He wanted them to contact him for a bigger story.

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