Virtual Reality Girl (Patreon)

Authors note:  This is an old story I wrote almost a decade ago.  It was one of the first stories I ever posted.  I am moving it here for all my patreons to enjoy again.  It's being removed from other public viewings.  If you have comments or new suggestions on such an old story let me know

The question about this story that I remember was is it horror or not.  I mean the man's identity was killed, but if you live a happy life thereafter is it really horror?

-----------------------------------------------------

Joanna's best friend Tiffani had called her up and invited her over to see something very special. Tiffani was very secretive on the phone as to what it was.  She said it was something that Joanna would never believe in a million years.  With her curiosity peaked Joanna left her home immediately and soon arrived at Tiffani's house.

Joanna rang the bell and within a few seconds, Tiffani opened the door. They hugged upon seeing each other as old friends often do.  Once the hug was broken, Joanna asked what was so mysterious that she had to hurry over to see.  Tiffani said she couldn't explain it, that Joanna would just have to see it for herself.  Then Tiffani called toward upstairs, "Nicole, honey can you come down here?"  A few seconds later, Joanna saw him as he came bounding down the stairs, it was Tiffani's boyfriend Nick.  But the way he looked was so different and unexpected from what she would have expected Joanna was speechless.

When she saw Nick, he was dressed like a pre-teen girl.  He wore two-layered t-shirts.  The one on top was a short-sleeved shirt with glitter graphics lettering which proclaimed "You Make Me Smile" in pink and black lettering.  There were also stars and smiley faces surrounding the cutsie lettering.  It had a pseudo-V-neck collar and was long enough to reach his belly button.  Layered under that shirt was a long-sleeved light pink shirt.  This second shirt could be seen below the bottom and above the collar of the first shirt.  He wore a knit active pant with stars that matched his shirt along the length of his left leg.  It had an elastic waist and a drawstring.  On his feet, he wore peace and rhinestone embellished booties in brown faux suede.  It covered the bottom of his pant and hit at his mid-calf.  Over the top of his bootie, you could see a grey knee-length sock with a high blue band on top.  On his face, he just wore a broad happy genuine smile.  In his eyes was an innocence that didn't belong on the face of anyone who was at least in their teens.  He finally stopped at Tiffani's side, and she put one arm around his shoulder in a loving and protective gesture.

"This is my daughter Nicole," Tiffani said.  The look of incredulity couldn't have been more obvious on my face.  Speaking to Nicole, Tiffani continued, "Nicole say hello to Miss Winwood, she is one of Mommy's oldest and dearest friends.

"Hello Miss Winwood," Nicole said, still smiling.  He said it with the cheerfulness of a happy little girl.  There was a joy to his demeanor like that of a child that actually brightened the room. There was no guile nor any hint of coercion in his speech or his movements.  He didn't seem to mind that even though he was several inches taller than Tiffani and obviously quite more muscular that he was being held in a protective manner by Tiffani.  He didn't have an overly feminized posture, but every hint of masculinity and adulthood was absent from his being and his expression.  Despite his physical body, he looked like an eleven- or twelve-year-old girl.

"Nicole, why not tell Miss Winwood about yourself."

"I don't know what to say, Mommy."

"Tell her your full name."

"My name is Nicole Alice Hoover."  Joanna knew that Hoover was Tiffani's last name, not Nick's.

"Tell her how old you are."

"I'm twelve years old."

"Where do you go to school? "I go to the Christ Incarnation School." The Christ Incarnation School is a private Catholic Elementary and Middle School which teaches students from Pre-K to Eighth Grade.  Joanna knew that Nick wasn't a religious man in any sense of the word and she didn't think he was even Catholic.

"What grades do you get?"

"I always get As."

"Yes, I am so proud of you.  What is your favorite subject?"

"Religion is both my hardest and my favorite subject."

"Why...?"

"Because it teaches you all about Jesus and teaches you how to live. But the best part is that it teaches you that no matter what you do, Jesus will always love you."

"Mommy loves you too."

"Yes, I know, I love you too Mommy."

"Who do you love more, Mommy or Jesus?"

" Ummm"

"You don't have to answer.  I know you love Mommy best.  Tell Miss Winwood, what did last month."

"Ummm, let me think."

"You know that special thing on Sunday."

"Oh, yes," Nick's smile brightened even more if that was possible, "I was confirmed into the Church.  It was one of the best days in my life.  I wore that really pretty white dress and there were five other kids who got confirmed on the same day.  I said my prayers and Father Kelly performed the service.  After it was all over, Father Kelly said my Confirmation was one of the best he had ever performed."  Nick's words tumbled out of him with such earnestness and enthusiasm that for a moment Joanne was genuinely happy for Nick.  Then she reminded herself that Nick was a thirty-something-year-old man, not a twelve-year-old girl.

Tiffani continued questioning Nick for a couple more minutes about who he was and what he liked to do.  Joanna's overall impression of Nick's answers were the typical answers of a sweet, religious but innocent pre-teen girl.  After answering all of her questions, Tiffani sent Nick back upstairs to return to whatever he was doing before being called downstairs.  Before he left, Nick said goodbye to Joanna and told her, "I am very happy to meet you, Miss Winwood."  Then even more unexpectantly, Nick gave Joanna a sweet peck on the cheek and then he bounded upstairs again just as he had when coming down, turned a corner, and was gone, presumably to his room.

"What...how...did you.....ummm....why?" Joanna was tongue-tied.  She didn't know what question to ask first."  When Joanna had last seen Nick, he was a brute of a man.  He was unemployed and had been so for almost a year.  There was nothing girlie about him.  He was somewhat juvenile in behavior, more boyish than he should have been at his age.  But men are like that sometimes, they never seem to grow up.  But the youthfulness of his personality now was something totally different.  He wasn't like a man who hadn't grown up.  Or like one who was just acting like a young person.  He acted like a young girl who was acting appropriately for her age.  Like a girl who would grow into a beautiful, well-adjusted woman in a few years. Joanna didn't sense any false or maladjusted in his demeanor.  It was his physical body that seemed wrong for his personality.  It was like a young girl was put into an older man's body and didn't notice the change.  It wasn't like an older man was being forced to act like a young girl.  In fact, Nick couldn't have seemed any happier and didn't seem to have a care in the world.  Except that he found the religion class he loved was harder than he wanted it to be.

"You want to know how it was all done," Tiffani said matter-of-a-factly. "You took the words right out of my mouth."

"Well, it all started with a virtual reality machine I obtained...Well, it is much more than just plain virtual reality.  VR is just the start. Actually, it started about two months ago...."

Nick was sitting in a chair.  He was dressed casually, in a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt.  He wore sneakers and tube socks.  He looked quite ordinary to himself.  He had no way of knowing that he was wearing girls' cotton panties under his outer clothes.

"Where am I?" Nick thought.  "I'm in someone's office.  Who is this woman at the desk?"  The woman Nick noticed is middle-aged, he thought she must be about forty-five.  She is professionally dressed in a business skirt suit.  I was about to say something, but the Woman gave me a look and I decided to be quiet for a second.  Then I heard a familiar voice.  It's my girlfriend, Tiffani.  I looked to my left and saw her sitting next to me.  She was dressed in a pretty yet professional skirt and blouse.

"She is very smart, but she is quite a hand full.  I thought if we took her out of public school and enter her here in your fine school, she can find the discipline and structure she needs to flourish. She is also quite a tomboy and I think it's time she became more lady-like." Tiffani explained to the woman.

I didn't know what Tiffani was talking about.  I didn't even know who Tiffani was talking about. Some girls.  But why would she be talking about some girl to this woman and why did I come along.  Hey, how did I get here anyway?  So, I spoke up. "Excuse me...excuse me..."

Tiffani kept on talking like I wasn't in the room.  "Look at how she is dressed.  I wanted her to wear something nice and pretty for this interview, but she just refused.  I'm at my wits......"

The lady behind the desk glared at me and in a commanding voice told me. "Young lady, be quiet only speak when you are spoken to.  Adults are talking!"  The woman didn't raise her voice.  But her tone had cowed me. I don't know why but all of a sudden, I felt nervous.  There was a knot in the pit of my stomach.  I was taken aback.  But in spite of how I  felt, I tried to press on.  "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY AM I HERE!" I screamed.

"Young lady how dare you talk to me like that!" the lady bellowed.

"Young lady???  Who the fuck are you calling a lady?!?"  For some reason, my apprehension grew.  It was becoming hard to look this woman in the eye.

"I will not have such insolence in my office," the lady continued.  Then she reached for an intercom on her desk and pressed a button.  Another woman entered the office; I assume it was the commanding woman's secretary.  Then in a quieter, but still commanding tone.  "Take this young lady to the restroom and wash her mouth out with soap.  Don't bring her back here until she is ready to apologize."

"I'm not going anywhere until I get som.."  It was at this point that the secretary had grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to my feet.  I wasn't ready to stand, but she seemed to have super-human strength and pulled me up like I was a rag doll.  When I got to my feet, I noticed I was a couple of inches taller than she was even though she was wearing three-inch heels.  It was at this time that my flight or fight reflex took effect and I decided to fight.  I punched her as hard as I could, but it didn't seem to affect her at all.  She just continued to pull me out of the room.  Since fighting didn't work, my next option was flight. But she held on to my shoulder tight and forced me to move out of the woman's office, through a smaller office and then town the hall.  I was shouting for help, but even though several people saw me.  Most were small children and even the adults who noticed the commotion did nothing to help me.  As I left the office, I heard the woman say, "Now that she's gone, you may continue Miss Hoover."

I was ushered into a lady's bathroom.  Even though I was being forcibly escorted down the hall. I noticed that I was in some sort of school for younger kids.  We passed several classrooms and a boy's and a girl's restroom on our way to the destination but didn't enter either.  Then she pushed me into a restroom that was clearly designed for the school's female teachers and staff.  Several of the stalls were taken as I could see the feet below the bottom of the stall's doors.  I yelled again, thinking that a man in a lady's room might give me an opportunity to escape.  But no one raised an eyebrow.  Not even the woman who was washing her hands at the sink.  I was then led to a cabinet and this woman with super-human strength held me immobile with just one hand as she fished for something in the cabinet.  It was a bar of ivory soap. My eyes flew open as I clamped my mouth shut like a disobedient child. Which seemed appropriate since I was being treated like one anyway.  She removed the wrapper from the soap and told me to open my mouth. I shook my head vigorously.  She then took her thumb and forefinger and pinched my nose.  In less than a minute I had to open my mouth to breathe and then she popped the soap into my mouth.  It tasted vile.  It did have that soapy taste that one expects from smelling it.  But that wasn't the worst it.  It not only had a soapy taste, but it also had an indescribable nasty taste I couldn't put my finger on.  It was 1000 times worse than what I expected soap to taste like.  I wanted to spit it out, but the woman's hands were covering my mouth and I couldn't.

In what seemed like forever.  The woman spoke to me for the first time.  "Now are you ready to apologize?"  To get the vile thing out of my mouth I nodded my head.  I was then allowed to remove the soap from my mouth.  "OK, then apologize to me first for being such a brat."  With the soap out of my mouth, I regained my courage.  "Fuck No!" I spat.  She put the soap back into my mouth once again.  With the woman's hand holding my shoulder and her other hand covering my mouth, I could do nothing more than to try and kick her.  But my kicks were as ineffective as my blows earlier.  It was at this point that the woman seemed to get mad.  She removed her hand from my face, and I spit out the soap.  It landed on the floor then she guided me to one of the bathroom stalls.  I thought she was going to dunk my head into the toilet, but she didn't.  She turned around and sat on the toilet.  She then pushed me chest first over her lap.  Then she started to spank me.  Even though I was still wearing my jeans it hurt.  Actually, it hurt a lot and the pain increased upon every slap.  After she thought I had had enough, she asked me again, "Will you apologize?"

"Yes," I stammered out. "OK, then do it."

"I'm sorry"

"Say it like you mean it or you won't sit for a week."

"I'm sorry," I said with more emotion. "And...."

And what I thought but said, "I'm sorry for being such a brat."

"And...will you do it again?"

"No, I will never do it again."

"Good, now when I take you back to Mrs. Burns office you had better say it just like that.  And say it like you mean it.  And mean it.  Because if I ever have to do this again, I'm not kidding when I say you won't be able to sit for a week."

Then she led me back to the office from where this all started.

"And then what happened," Joanna asked. "I'll get to that in a moment, but first I want to explain about the VR machine.  It is so much more than a VR machine actually."  Tiffani continued, "It doesn't just go over your eyes and ears, but it goes around your entire body so you can feel anything it wants you to feel.  It also goes, in your mouth so you can taste things.  Up your nose, so you can smell things, you understand. But it is even more than that.  It monitors your heart and brainwaves too.  It can't read your thoughts, but it can tell what you are generally feeling.  It also can pump in drugs intravenously so it can influence your mood.  That is why Nick felt so jumpy when he saw the school principal.  It can also give him drugs that make him feel very good too. The manipulation of his feeling through drugs is key to this machine. Anyway, Nick re-entered the room escorted by the secretary who still had a firm grip on his shoulder," Tiffani continued.

We retraced our steps, and I was returned to the office.  Before entering the room, I saw the plaque on the door proclaiming that this was the principal's office.  When I entered the talking stopped.

"Well do you have something to say for yourself Young Lady?" the secretary half asked half demanded.

"I am sorry for..."  What did I do again, I couldn't remember for a second and so I hesitated.

"Go on," said the principal.

"For..for...cussing."

"Are you going to apologize to Miss Grannet for hitting her?" the principal said gesturing to the woman who had let go of my shoulder but was still standing behind me.

"I already did before we left the restroom."  Miss Grannet nodded behind me, even though I didn't look around to see.

"OK, OK.  I usually don't go to such extreme measures when a student acts up when first coming here, but you were just being so rude I had to do it.  Now if you behave like the young lady you appear to be, then we can move on and won't have any more problems.  While you were gone, your Mother and I completed your registration process.  You are now officially a student of the Christ Incarnation School," the principal's face brightened.  "Welcome!"  There are many more rules to follow here than in your old school.  But even in your old school, cussing wasn't allowed."

Nick didn't know what old school he was supposed to have attended.  The last school he had attended was a junior college.  But this school was obviously for kids.

"I have given your mother the school handbook.  She'll go over it with you when you get home. But I did want to tell you myself what the school's mission is.  Do you know what mission means?"

"Ummm, yes, it means what you are trying to do."

"That is right, your mother told us you are very smart.  But book learning isn't all that we think is important.  We are a Roman Catholic school and follow the tenets of that faith.  All of our students are or will be in your case Baptized into the Catholic Church.  We are a family-oriented community, grounded in the Catholic faith, we strive to enhance and strengthen the spiritual values of its students.  We expect our students to set an example of how a righteous life is led. We believe that God has a plan for each of us.  The general plan is spelled out in the Bible.  That is in general how people are to act.  Children are to mind their parents and other adults for example.  But not only that girls and boys are supposed to not only be well behaved but girls are supposed to act like young ladies, and boys are supposed to act like young gentlemen.

The differences between this school and a public school are that here you must wear your school uniform at all times.  There are exceptions such as for gym class and other special more casual days, but those are rare.  In the morning before any of the classes, there will be a half-hour of group prayer followed by five minutes of quiet reflection. Besides your academic subjects, there will be two classes on Bible study and religion.  There is also a class the students call 'Civics For Catholics'.  In that class, you will learn how to act like a proper Catholic Young Lady.  Your behavior is a reflection of ourselves, your family, this school, and the Catholic faith in general. This class will teach you how to look your best at all times."

After the speech, I was asked if I had any questions.  I had so many, but I really couldn't imagine actually asking any of them.  I was so confused.  Not only that, but I still had that vile taste in my mouth and my ass still hurt.  I just couldn't believe that I was actually spanked like a little kid. So, thinking better of it, I said "No" which seemed to please the principal.

Tiffani and I left the school.  Tiffani was holding onto my hand.  I wanted to let go, but she held on firmly.  When I tried to break away, I found I couldn't break Tiffani's now vice-like grip. She dragged me to the car and opened the back door and forced me into a large child safety seat in the back of the car.  She strapped me in and I found that I couldn't reach around to unbuckle the restraint.

On the way home, Tiffani kept telling me that I would learn to love my new school and that I was very lucky to attend and other words praising the new school and my attendance there.  I didn't want to hear any of it.  I was telling her, I didn't understand what was going on and how could she do this to me.  But she didn't seem to be getting anything of what I was saying.  She kept telling me to stop complaining that the decision was made and I had no say in the matter.

She did answer one question I asked.  "What grade will I be in?" I asked fearing the answer.

"Why second grade same as the old school, Sweetie" was her reply. 

"I'm thirty-four years old, what am I going to do in the second grade?" I said with sarcasm in my voice.

"This is no time for pretend.  You know you are seven years old and you are in the second grade."

As we neared our house, I realized I had to use the bathroom.  At first, it wasn't too bad, but as time went on the pressure started to build and build.  Finally, the car parked in front of our house and I had to wait for Tiffani to unbuckle me from the car seat.  She did it in less than a minute, but I had to go so bad it seemed like much longer.  I ran for the door only to discover I didn't have any keys.  All my pockets were empty.  I didn't have a wallet either.  I had to wait for Tiffani to get to the door.  But seeing my distress she did trot to the door to let me in.  I ran to the bathroom and closed the door.

I pulled down my fly and then fished in my pants for my penis.  The problem was the fly in my underwear could not be found.  All I felt was the smooth material of my underwear.  Not having time to investigate. I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down.  Then I pulled down my underwear.  I reached for my cock and I pointed it towards the toilet and let loose.  The relief was immediate.  After about two or three seconds, I knew something was wrong.  Something wet was pouring down my leg.  I looked down and I saw I was peeing down my leg onto my underwear and jeans.  This was impossible.  My dick was pointing in the right direction but somehow the pee was going in the wrong direction.  I tried to stop peeing and try again.  But no matter what I did I couldn't stop peeing upon my legs.  Finally, I decided to sit on the toilet and that did the trick.  The problem was that I now had some very soggy pants and underwear.

I took the wet garments off and walked half-naked into our (Tiffani and mine) room. Tiffani was in there and saw me with my soggy clothes.

"What happened to you?" she said. I didn't know how to explain it so I told her, "I couldn't make it in time, I had an accident?"

"Oh dear, do we have to put you back in diapers?" she jested. I didn't want that, and this was so strange that I stuttered out "No, no, no."

"Don't worry, I was just kidding, but I think we had better get you cleaned up."

She then took me by the hand and let me to the tub in the bathroom.  She started to fill the tub up with water and told me to lift my arms.  I did as I was told and she pulled my shirt up and over my head.  I was now naked except for my shoes and socks.  One of my socks was also wet with my own pee.  I quickly took them off.  A minute later, I was in the tub.

"You know you are starting to get too big to take baths with your Mommy," Tiffani remarked with a smile.  "But one more time couldn't hurt."

Tiffani had put bubble bath into the running water and then she handed me two boat toys that she took from the window sill above the tub.  Then she took a washcloth and gently cleaned my body.  We had done this type of thing and she had gotten in the tub with me for fun and games. She had cleaned a delicate area of mine and my arm jerked and her shirt got all wet.  She took it and her bra off and I was staring at her pretty breasts and then I realized I had no reaction down there.  I began to pull on my member, but it stayed as soft as a noodle.  This caused increased splashing.

"What are you doing?" Tiffani asked.

"I am trying to jerk off," I said in my panic not thinking about what was happening.

"Where did you learn to talk like that?  Do I need to wash your mouth out with soap?"  She pointed the soap into my direction.

"No, please don't," I screamed.  All of a sudden, my heart was racing, and my mouth was puckering from the remembrance of the events from earlier in the day.

"You have a potty mouth.  It will stop right now or your mouth will be full of soap a lot.  Do you want that?"

"NO NO NO"

After that, I sat there quietly and let her finish my bath.  When it was over she toweled me off and wrapped the towel around me from my chest to my thighs.  She then led me to what I thought was the guestroom.  It was all pink and sickeningly girly.  There were stuffed animals all over the room.  They were on the twin bed, on the desk, on the dresser, on the bookshelf.  They were everywhere.  There had to be almost a hundred of them.  Maybe not, but there seemed to be a lot. On the bookshelf, there were a bunch of picture books and several games and toys.  Not all of the toys were for girls specifically, but there weren't any that were for boys at all.  There was a closet with a full-length mirror on it, but I couldn't see into it since the closet was closed.  The wall-to-wall carpeting had a pretty sun, moon, and stars pattern.  A matching pattern was on the curtains over the windows.  Through the curtains, I could see there were child safety bars on the outside of the windows.  I stood there speechless.

Tiffani let go of my hand and went to the dresser to get some clothes. She came back with a mostly red jersey PJ set which said, "I've really been nice this year."  In several colors on the bodice and a pair of plain white panties.  She held out the panties for me to step into.  I wasn't going to, but she gave me a stern look and all of a sudden I felt very nervous.  I did as I was beckoned.  Then she pulled the pj bottom up over my legs and the PJ top down and I was dressed. She then left the room and closed the door.  I set on the bed ready to pull off the clothes I had been given.  But I didn't think there were any other clothes to wear.  Before I decided what to do, I was hit with a wave of exhaustion and fell asleep.

"Are you going to really put Nick into diapers?" Joanna said with a bit of incredulity in her voice. "No of course not, but the threat made it easier for Nick to decide to always sit down to pee.  It only took two of three times of having peed down his leg for him to give up and pee sitting down all the time.

In real life, he was only asleep a few seconds, but when he woke up he thought he was asleep for hours and it was morning."

A shoving of my shoulder woke me up.  I opened my eyes and saw Tiffani standing over me. She was telling me to wake up and get ready for school.  I didn't want to so I mumbled something.  But she grabbed me and tossed me out of bed and pointed me to the bathroom. "Don't forget to brush your teeth." she reminded me.

Once inside I finally had time to look at myself.  I looked in the mirror and despite wearing clearly female pajamas I hadn't changed at all.  I looked the same.  I wasn't magically transformed into a little seven-year-old girl.  I was still myself.  My face was clearly a manly face.  I was still tall.  I proved this by taking a bottle off the top shelf of the cabinet.  It was a bottle of aspirin.  With all that was going on, I could use something much stronger than aspirin. But it was all I had handy, so I decided to take a couple of pills.  But I couldn't open the bottle.  No matter what I did, the top wouldn't come off.  I then looked around the medicine cabinet for something else and I noticed that it had been child-proofed.  There was nothing dangerous on the shelves, not even a razor.  The things that could be a bit harmful were packaged in such a way that I couldn't get them opened.

"Honey, I don't hear the water running.  Did you brush your teeth yet?" I heard from beyond the door.

"I'm about to Tiff," I said.

I turned on the water, but I didn't do any brushing as I was busy with other pursuits.  Several minutes later I heard her again. "Are you ready yet?"

"Just a minute," I said s I fumbled around.

Then the door opened. Tiffani stepped in.  I wasn't thinking and I shouted at her, "I said I would fucking be out in a minute."  Tiffani then grabbed me by my arm, pulled me back to my bed, put me over her knee, and started to spank me.  She spanked me hard.

"Stop, stop," I exclaimed.

"Never cuss again and who do you think you are to call Mommy by her first name!" she told me sternly but she didn't stop spanking my behind.

"I'll never do it again, just stop hitting me."

"You'll never do what?"

"I'll never cuss again."

"And what will you call me???"

"Mommy, Mommy, I'll call you Mommy."

"You had better or you will have lots of spankings.  Do you want to be spanked anymore?"

"Nooooo!!!"

"Did you brush your teeth as I told you to?"

"Yes," I lied. "Did you really?" she said as she picked me up and looked into my eyes. "Yes," I lied again. It was at that point that she put me over her lap again and gave me a couple more spanks to my bottom. "Don't lie to me.  Mommies always know when their children are lying."

"No, Mommy, I didn't," I confessed.

Then Tiffani escorted me back to the bathroom where she watched me brush my teeth.  Then I brushed my hair as she instructed.  Tiffani then saw the bottle of aspirin I had had on the floor. She told me that little girls don't take or even touch any medicine without their Mommy's permission.  She then made me promise not to touch it without her saying so again.  I agreed to prevent any more punishment to my rear.

We then returned to the bedroom to get dressed.  I didn't want to go anywhere and certainly not in the little girl school uniform that was sitting neatly on top of my dresser.  But with the pain of the spanking firmly in my head, I had no choice but to do what I was told.  Tiffani told me to get undressed and I did.  She then handed me some plain white panties.  I put them on.  Next, she handed me a pair of white cotton tights.  I took them and tried to pull them up to my legs, but I couldn't figure out how to do it right.

Tiffani watched me struggling and smiled.  "Silly, I know you haven't worn tights.  Well not since you were a baby anyway.  Here this is how you put them on."  Tiffani patiently instructed me on the proper procedure for putting on tights.  Next, there was a white button-down shirt with a rounded collar that is typical for a little girl.  I learned later that that type of collar is called a peter pan collar. Next, she pulled over my head a blue plaid pleated dress that she called a jumper.  My outfit was complete with a girl tie that matched the jumper and a pair of black shoes that closed with a Velcro strap even though there was a faux buckle.

"You are pretty as a picture.  Come on down to breakfast."

Breakfast was a sweet sugary cereal that Tiffani would have never let me eat before all this started.  But it seems I didn't have to stick to my diet anymore.  The sugary cereal was quite tasty.  I hadn't eaten anything like that in years. But I was full before finishing the entire bowl.

After breakfast, she handed me a knapsack-type school bag.  She told me that my lunch was in there, along with all the books and supplies I would need and a change of clothes for the gym. "Gym," I thought, "they expect me to play with children in the gym."  Then it hit me, "A change of clothes?  I am going to change my clothes in public with children?  They can't allow that to happen."

Tiffani then led me outside.  At first, I thought I was going to die of embarrassment going outside the way I was dressed.  But for some reason, I was calm.  Tiffani took my hand and led me outside. We were waiting at the curve and I didn't feel scared at all.  People walked by and no one said a thing.  Here I was a grown man, dressed in a schoolgirl uniform and no one even gave me an odd glance.  Worst of all, I didn't feel scared.

After several seconds I asked, "Ti-er-Mommy, what are we waiting for?"

"The school bus silly.  You didn't think I was going to drive you to school every day.  Did you?"

"Well, if I had to go to school, I did think you would drive me."

"Nope, like all the other children, you go on the bus.  It should be here in a few minutes.'

Tiffani was right, the bus came a couple of minutes later.  Tiffani kissed me on the cheek.  Told me to have a good day at school and to behave myself.  I entered the bus, and it took off after I found a seat.

I sat next to some boy who seemed to be about eight.  I don't know what this kid's problem was, but he didn't seem to want me sitting next to him.  I guessed it was because I was a grown man or maybe it was because of how I was dressed.  But I soon realized it wasn't because of either of those things.  He said I was a girl with cooties and that I had better not touch him and get my cooties all over him.  I was going to be the 'adult' and to just ignore him.  But he persisted.  After a while, I chose another seat next to a ten-year-old girl.  The girl smiled at me but didn't say much.  Which was fine because I had to think anyway.

The bus pulled up at the school and I got out with the 'other children' on the bus.  There were attendants at the bus's door that escorted us into the building.  Because I was new, someone was assigned to make sure I knew which class was mine and saw to it that I got there.

Once inside the classroom, the teacher, beckoned me to her desk. "Hello Honey, I'm Mrs. Brown your new teacher.'  Then she looked down at some papers.  "It says your name is Nicole Hoover.  Can I call you Nicole?"

I shook my head, "I prefer to be called Nick."

"We have a Nick already in the classroom," she lied, "Can I call you Nickie?"

"Nicky is fine I said."

"Nickie it is then." Then she turned to the classroom. "Quiet down students.  I have an announcement."  The students quieted at the sound of their teacher.  "We have a new student today.  I want everyone to welcome Nickie to our class."

"Hello Nickie." everyone said at once.

Mrs. Brown then showed me to an empty desk and told me this was my desk now.  I put down my knapsack and took a seat.  Then Mrs. Brown returned to the front of the class and she led us in thirty minutes of prayers. I mouthed the words because I didn't know how they went and I really didn't care anyway.  After it was done Mrs. Brown told us to spend the next five minutes in quiet reflection.  I was just looking around when Mrs. Brown instructed me personally.  She told me to close my eyes and bow my head and to put my hands together in a praying fashion, and to start praying.  I was told to pray about that Jesus love me and is watching out over me. That he knows everything that I do and if I do what is write that all will be fine.  To be thankful for everything I have received.  I did as I was told, but I faked my praying.  After it was over, Mrs. Brown told me she knew what I had done and that it wouldn't be tolerated in the future.

The first thing Mrs. Brown taught the class was the difference between 'we' and 'us'.  She showed us and then encouraged student participation. She even asked me a question which I answered quite easily.  She then gave us worksheets to fill out.  I didn't bother.  It was all so simple. After all it was second grade work.  For a moment I thought, I would kick ass on "Are you smarter than a fifth grader."  I was sort of daydreaming, when Mrs. Brown noticed.  She told me to get to my work.  I continued to ignore her.  It was then she took me by the hand, forced me from my seat and told me she would put me in a time out.  She put me in the 'timeout' corner of the room and held me there.  I thought this was no big deal when I started getting nervous.  I was starting to get downright claustrophobic after only about 15 seconds.  I don't know what was happening, but I needed to get out of that corner.  I started to beg her to let me go.  She said I had to stay there a full two minutes.  It seemed like forever.  When it was done, she asked me if I would do my work.  I nodded feebly.  I returned to my seat and filled in the worksheet.  By this time, all the rest of the students were finished and the lesson continued.

After English, we did Math which was just as easy.  We had to compare several numbers and put them in order.  Then we did penmanship.  This was the only subject that I had trouble with.  I could of course write, but I was expected to draw my letters in a very specific way.  Mrs. Brown didn't like the way my penmanship was so compressed and sloppy. She wanted me to write with a more flowing style.  She wanted my letters to be well-formed and flamboyant.  She told me that writing should be fun, so she said to make it more fun, I should dot my 'I's and 'J's with smiley faces.  She also told me that from now on she would grade all my written work by my penmanship along with whether the answers were correct.

While I was practicing my penmanship one of the boys in front of me started giggling.  I heard it but I didn't pay it any attention.  Then Mrs. Brown came up to me.  I thought she was going to comment about my script, but instead, she whispered in my ear.  She said she knew that until today I rarely wore skirts.  But that young ladies whether they were wearing skirts or not must keep their legs together when sitting. I was showing my underwear to the boy in front of me.  I quickly closed my legs.  From that point on, it seemed that some boy was always looking at my legs for a peep show.  Even if I relaxed my legs for a second some boy would start giggling and I would immediately force my legs together. It got so bad that I would instinctively close my legs whenever I heard the most innocent giggle, even when my legs were already closed tight.

Later in the day, we had our first religious lesson.  We heard a parable about a child who didn't follow the directions of an adult and got into a dangerous situation.  It was sort of heavy-handed, but the children seemed to get the message.

Next, we were all taken downstairs for lunch.  Mrs. Brown escorted us and left us in the care of the lunchroom attendant.  I looked into my bag and took out my lunch.  I was very hungry by this time.  Inside a brown paper bag was a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich.  It was cut diagonally and the bread crusts were cut off.  I hadn't had anything like this in decades.  There was also a juice box, a banana, and a bag of M&Ms.  I took a bite out of the sandwich and discovered it was quite good.  It actually went well with the banana.  There is something about the mixture of peanut butter and banana that is quite good, especially with the extra sweet taste of the jelly.  I ate a little more than half the sandwich when I was full.  I did however finish the entire juice box and ate all the M&Ms though.

After lunch, the attendant escorted us to the bathrooms.  Each student was paired up with a buddy and sent in in pairs to use the facilities. I didn't want to go into the girl's bathroom with a girl, but I was told to go.  I said I didn't have to go.  But I was told, that it didn't matter and go to keep the other girl company.  Also, this would be my only opportunity to go, so I should try.  I went inside, but I just waited for the other girl and came out with her.

Our next stop was to the gym.  We were put into the custody of the gym teacher, who instructed us to go to the appropriate locker room.  I headed for the boys and was redirected to the ggirl'slocker room.  There was an attendant in the locker room.  I was new so I was told to change my clothes and put the discarded clothes into a cubby hole.  I didn't want to get naked and change my clothes because I didn't want to scar these seven-year-old girls for life by letting them see my penis.  But the attendant assured me that we were all girls here and I had nothing to hide. Reluctantly, I did as I was told, but I tried to keep to myself.  At the worst possible moment, a girl came from around a corner and clearly saw me totally naked.  She didn't say a word or even seem phased by it.  Eventually, I got dressed and joined the rest of the students in the gym.  As I left the locker room, I noticed that some of the girls were leaving through a different door and were going into a different gym.

Everyone, boys and girls were wearing the same thing.  We all had on a t-shirt with the school logo, a pair of blue shorts, white socks, and sneakers.  Today we were told that we would be playing kickball.  I had to play and I was put into the right field.  Few balls came towards me, but when one did I had misjudged it and it flew over my head.  When I tried to throw the ball back into the infield I had thrown the ball into the ground and it bounced halfway back in.  The boy who was playing second base, ran into the outfield to retrieve the ball, but the player scored before anything could be done.

When it was my turn to kick, I decided to take it easy on the children.  But when I tried to kick the ball, I missed it.  The student who was pitching could be a professional when he grows up because the ball seemed to come in very fast.  I tried a little harder and managed to kick the ball. It bounced slowly to the pitcher who threw me out.  I was determined to try harder the next time but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make good contact with the ball.  It seemed like I was the worst player on the field and the boys all made fun of my distress.  The girls looked like they were embarrassed for me and were a bit more sympathetic.

The "Civics for Catholics" class was next after we returned to Mrs. Brown's class.  This class piggybacked on the religion class as we were taught to always say please and thank you and be respectful to people in authority like the police and firemen (and of course the teachers.)  I was frustrated after what happened in the gym and was making faces behind Mrs. Brown's back.  But every time I did, she caught me.  It was like she had eyes in the back of her head.  After the class was over, I was told I was being given after-school detention for being so disrespectful.

It was at detention where I was made to do my homework.  The work was easy, but I had to redo it several times until my penmanship was perfect, smiley dotted 'I's and all.  There were some questions that were asked with a multiple-choice answer, but instead of circling the correct answer, you had to sign your name under the correct answer.  I wasn't allowed to sign it "Nicky"

either, I had to sign my full name, "Nicole Hoover."  I also had to sign each paper of my homework with my name at the bottom.  For the rest of the time, I had to write on a piece of paper, "I, Nicole Hoover, will be respectful in class."  At the bottom of each of those pages, I would have to sign my name again.  By the time, Tiffani retrieved me from school, I had signed Nicole Hoover at least two hundred times.  It seemed that every other word I wrote was Nicole Hoover.

Tiffani buckled me into the back seat and started to drive.  My fingers were clearly aching as I rubbed them.  Tiffani told me that if I was a good girl thing would go much easier for me.  Then she offered to take me out for ice cream.  I loved ice cream, even before all this happened, but I didn't get to eat it much because of my perpetual diet.  It seemed to be a good idea and I quickly agreed.  We went to Baskin and Robbins and I got a cone.  Tiffani allowed me to choose what I wanted and I didn't even have to pick a sugar-free or low-fat variety.  I picked Rocky Road and it tasted good.  It occurred to me at this point that at least the food is better now.

We got home and I was sent to my room to change clothes.  There were only panties to choose from, but in all honesty, they pretty much looked like my fruit of the loom briefs just without the fly hole so I suppose it was fine.  Other than that, jeans and a t-shirt were fine with me too.  Once dressed, I decided to slip out of the house and get away from this madness.  But whenever I left my room, Tiffani always seemed to be hanging around so I couldn't get to the front door.  I then decided to go through my window, but I had forgotten there were child safety bars on them so there was no escape there.

With nothing left to do, I turned on the TV.  But to my shock, I found that most of the channels were restricted with "parental controls."  I couldn't get around it.  All I could watch were shows with a TV-G, TV-Y, Y7 or G  rating.  Some channels (actually most channels) were totally blocked regardless of the rating of the program.  The Three Stooges was on one of the channels. This wasn't too bad so I watched that.  Several days later, Tiffani saw what I was watching and that channel was removed from my choices also.

The day finally ended with bath time.  I insisted that I could do it alone.  But despite Tiffani telling me yesterday that I was getting too old for baths with Mommy, she wouldn't hear of it.  I was then put into my PJs and put to bed.  I was going to turn the TV on and stay up later, but I was soon asleep.

The highlight of my second day of school was putting on my school uniform without Tiffani's help.  My second day of school was actually a Monday.  After that, it all went downhill.  I was mouthing the words to the prayers again but this time Mrs. Brown came over to me immediately and told me to stop that.  I told her "Stop What?"

"You know what I mean, and if you don't stop and pray right, you will be in big trouble." warned Mrs. Brown.  "You was just baptized yesterday and so you have to do it seriously."  I didn't want to get baptized but Tiffani made me go to church and I had no say in the matter.  All in all it really wasn't too bad.  The service was boring, but the baptism went quick.  I went up to the alter. The priest said a couple prayers.  Put some water on my head and it was done.  Then I was allowed to go back to my seat.

I didn't care and found that I now had five days straight of detention.  After prayers our lesson was on the difference between me and my.  The same sentence was written twice on the page. First we had to fill in the blank with either 'me' or 'my' and then we had to repeat the answer using our real name.  Well everyone else's real name I had to sign it with "Nicole Hoover" or "Nicole Hoover's" as the case may be.  Also because my penmanship was so awful according to Mrs. Brown I had to write everything in script.

Mrs. Brown gave the students individual handouts for math.  Today we were doing verbal math problems.  Each problem on my sheet referred to Nicole Hoover.  Also to reinforce the English lesson, the problems referred to me and my.  It would say things like "Nicole Hoover has two apples.  Mrs. Brown gave me five more apples.  How many apples do you have?"  The other students loved that their name was in the problems.  I was a bit annoyed, but I couldn't say anything.

It seemed like the teachers had me on closed circuit surveillance, because if I did even the smallest thing wrong, I would get into trouble.  The boys in the class were even worse.  During lunch one of the boys asked me, "I heard you think you are a boy."  I said "Yes." not thinking about it.  "Then why are you wearing a dress like the girls," he laughed as he ran away.  He must have told the other boys because now they all looked for any reason to say my name "Nicky."

They said it with contempt and malice.  The teachers said they couldn't do anything about it, since they were using the name I wanted to be called.  They did suggest that I tell everyone to call me "Nicole." from now on, so then they could stop them.  But I didn't want to be called Nicole. I didn't finish the tuna fish sandwich but I did finish the Hershey bar that came with it.  At least when it comes to eating lunch I am like the rest of the children.

The religion class wasn't too bad.  It was actually the only class where I was learning something. The "Civics for Catholics" always had the same theme.  How to act in public.  The lesson was usually heavy-handed. 'A child especially girls is to be respectful to all adults.'  Mock scenarios would be acted out with the students playing a part.  I had to do my best or I was put in a dreaded time out.  I don't know why I had so much trouble with that type of punishment, but I did.  Any time I didn't perform up to expectations the teacher always knew immediately.

We played dodgeball in the gym on the second day of school.  Somehow I got one of the first balls and tried to throw it, but it immediately bounced on the floor.  Then a ball was thrown straight into my stomach and I couldn't catch it.  We played three matches that day and I was out within the first minute of all of them.

In detention after school, I had to spend the whole time learning the morning prayers.  By the end, I had learned them backward and forwards. But I still had another three days of detention. No wait, I had four days, I had gotten detention in another class.

Tiffani picked me up after school again.  We went home and I went to my room and put on the TV.  There wasn't much to watch with my limited TV lineup, but there was little else to do.  I didn't want to play with toys.  I somehow fell asleep while watching TV.  The next thing I knew I was tucked in bed and it was morning.

I was determined to spend my days by trying not to get into trouble.  I said my morning prayers with gusto.  I should have all along, all the prayers were about praising God which I didn't mine and God helping me which I truly needed.  I needed someone/ any one to get me away from this mess.  But I was watched like a hawk.  I suppose all the students in the second grade are watched like a hawk, I wasn't really being treated any differently.

One of the boys pulled my dress up. He said he wanted to see if I was really a boy.  I instinctively pulled it down.  That boy was made to apologize to me and I was told he would get detention. He served him in a different room than I had detention.  I was glad to see I wasn't the only one getting into trouble.

During one of my lessons, Mrs. Brown said that my script was really improving.  That was the first praise I had ever gotten from her and it made me smile.

During the religion class, one of the boys threw a ball of paper at me.  I got annoyed and threw it back.  The person starting the trouble sometimes doesn't get into trouble, but the person who retaliates always does, and I was given the choice of a spanking in front of the class or ten days of detention.  I chose the spanking.  I was put over the religion teacher's lap and before her hand came down once, I started screaming in terror and told her I changed my mind and would take the detention.  Detention had become part of my regular day.  I was told that since I already had so much detention that any infraction in detention would result in a spanking and there would be no reprieve from that punishment.

Whatever the sport, I couldn't do it right.  I didn't know why, I had been such a natural athlete growing up...er growing up the first time. I finally decided to stop trying since I was such a failure and it didn't really matter.  The teacher noticed this and boom another day added to my growing days of detention.

All my days seemed to run together.  They all seemed the same.  I had no friends, how could I, they were all seven years old.  Even if I wanted a friend all the boys had it out for me.  I didn't want to play with dolls with the girls anyway.

One morning, I was feeling a little sick, and when I went to pee it hurt. I told Tiffani and she took me to a doctor.  I was examined and when it was over I was given a lollipop.  Later after talking to Tiffani the doctor told me I had an infection.  It was caused by not wiping myself after I as he put it 'made a tinkle' and that I must do it from now on or I would get sick again.  I was given medicine and sent home.  It really hurt to pee for several days and I decided that wiping myself was a small price to pay to not have this pain so I resolved to always wipe after peeing.

One day Mrs. Brown asked to speak with me in private.  I didn't know what I had done.  I don't know how many days of detention I still had left and my butt was sore from the last spanking.  It was worse than I had remembered.

"Nickie," she said, "you know you are the smartest in the class."

"I know," I thought to myself.  I would have thought "No shit" but I had censured even my thoughts to avoid another spanking and a potty mouth always resulted in a spanking and sometimes that awful tasting soap in my mouth.  So, I nodded. "Well, there are three girls in our class, you know them, Tina, Naliza, and Paulina.  They need help.  If you help them then I'll start removing some of your days of detention."

"When should I help them"

"After school instead of detention."

"You mean I just help them instead of regular detention."

"No, for every day you help them, I'll remove a day.  If you add the day you are helping them instead of detention that is two days. "OK, I'll do it."  This was the best thing to happen to me all day.  Wait it's the best thing that happened to me since coming to this school.

The three girls were all very bubbly.  They weren't dumb, they just had a problem with some of the work.  They just couldn't get it.  But I showed them and they started to pick it up.  It was actually fun helping them.  It made me feel good to be helping someone.  Teaching these girls was the first thing that could be considered 'adult' that I had done at this school.

We had a test on Friday and all three girls passed.  After school that day, Mrs. Brown surprised us with a pizza party to celebrate.  It was actually a lot of fun and I felt very proud.  We were studying in a different room than the detention room and in this room there were games.  I suppose it was the party room for when there were pizza parties and other non-formal school events.  Since the girls had passed their test there was no need to study that day, so they were going to play a game of sorry.  They begged me to play and at first, I didn't want to.  But they looked heartbroken that I wouldn't play with them, so I did.  It was a lot of fun actually.  We laughed and played, and the girls told these corny second-grade joke which I couldn't resist but to laugh at.  Before I knew it, we were all friends.

Tutoring them became the highlight of my day.  My days seemed to fly by. I didn't get into trouble anymore and I took part in all my classes. Even my religion classes became enjoyable. That was the one class that was trying to teach me to endure and to hope things will get better and that there was salvation if I was good.

The only really dark spot in my day was the gym.  The sole class that added to my now diminishing detention count.  Mrs. Brown noticed my improvement in demeanor and knew of my trouble in the gym.  She then told me, I could take yoga instead of a regular gym.  Several of the students from each grade took yoga instead of a regular gym.  This is where those students who I saw leaving the gym were going instead of the gym.  I decided it couldn't be any worse than what I was doing now. I was the worst player in the whole class.  The boys would ridicule me and the girls would avoid me.  Except for my friends, but I was making them look bad and I didn't want to do that to them. They were among the best girl athletes in our school and I was starting to feel embarrassed to be on their team.

It was arranged that day and I was going to start yoga class tomorrow. I needed to wear a leotard for yoga though like all the rest of the girls.  There weren't any boys taking yoga which was a big plus too.  I went into the alternate locker room and started to get undressed.  There were girls from the first grade to the eighth-grade (the highest grade in the middle school.)  Right next to my cubby an eighth-grader was changing.  She was an early bloomer.  When she took off her bra I could see she was at least a C cup.  I saw her naked breasts in all their glory.  All that I thought about it was that it must be a pain to have to put on a sports bra, so I continued to change.  I loved the yoga class. It seems I am a natural.  I can stretch as well or better than all the other girls in the class.  I honestly didn't know I was this flexible. If I had known I would have taken yoga long ago.  With the only fly in my ointment gone, my days flew by.

I was invited to a slumber party at Naliza's house.  The other girls would be there and so I begged my Mom...er Tiffani to allow me to go.  I didn't want to hurt Naliza's feelings by turning her down.  At least that is what I told myself.  We started off with some games like Monopoly and Clue and Sorry of course.  Then Naliza wanted to play with her dollhouse.  At first, I said I didn't want to, but they begged me. It was actually a lot of fun; I could pretend I was the father, and no one said a thing.  Then Naliza said we should all switch parts and I had to play as the mother.  Before long I was really into it and was having so much fun with my friends, I didn't care about whether it was right or not.

After we finished playing, we all went to sleep on the floor.  Even Naliza whose house we were in.  The next day I got dressed and Tina

commented about my clothes.  I was wearing what I always wore, jeans and a t-shirt.  She said don't you have anything nicer to wear.  When she said 'nicer', I knew she meant prettier or at least girlier.  This made me feel bad.  I wanted them to like me, they were my only friends.  They said I am their BFF and I think they are right.  The next time we got together outside of school, I wore prettier clothes.  After a while, all us girls pretty much wore the same things all the time.  We started to see each other a lot after school.  They had convinced me to join their dance class.  I was also naturally a very good dancer, especially since I was also practicing yoga.

One day, the class went on a field trip, but I wasn't allowed to go because of all the detention I had racked up.  But that is coming to an end soon.  With my friends gone I had to return to the detention room. Inside the room, there was a man dressed in a jumper and tights like I was.  It wasn't happening to just me, it was happening to someone else too.  I had become a model student recently so I was given more leeway in detention.  I found an excuse and went up to sit next to the man and said I know what you are going through. "What are you talking about." the man whispered. "You know the whole losing everything and being put back into grade school as a girl.  I know. It is happening to me too. You can see that."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"You are not really a girl, I can see that."

"I am too a girl, just like you, stop teasing me."

"No, you are not, you are a man!"

"Am not, I may not be a man, but I am older than you I am in fourth grade.  What grade are you in first grade?"

"No, I am in the second-grade.  No wait, I shouldn't be in any grade at all."

"TEACHER, TEACHER, THIS LITTLE GIRL IS BOTHERING ME." the man shouted calling the attention of the detention teacher.

The detention teacher, pulled me by the arm and took me to a corner to give me a spanking.  The first one I had had in a long time.  But this time I was too distracted to notice the spanking.  All I could think was this man actually believes he is a little girl.  I had better get out of here before I'll go crazy as he did.  Then the pain got to me.  After ten swats the spanking stopped.  By that time, I would try and get away from this at all costs.

The next day after school an older boy saw me try to leave the school alone.  He said if I tried I would get caught but he could help me by distracting one of the attendants.  This wouldn't have worked before, but I had been so good for so long that I could get away with things now that I never could before.  He told me what to do and where to wait.  I did as he said and soon he and I were off of school grounds.  He said if I went with him and held his hand no one would say anything.  I did as I was told just wanting to getaway.  I really hadn't thought of what to do after escaping.

"What is your name?" he asked.  I told him, Nicky.

After we had gotten far enough away I told him, that I was going to go on my own.  But he convinced me to go a bit further.  A little while later I insisted he let go of my hand.  Then he wrapped his arm around me and put his hand over my mouth and led me to where he wanted to go.  I was helpless.  I couldn't get away.  I thought he was going to kill me.  For a moment there I had resigned myself to my fate.  I didn't really want to be a little girl anyway.  But when he got me to a secluded area, he forced me down, and then I saw him open the button on his jeans.  It was then that I realized that what he wanted to do was so much worse than to just kill me.  I was going to be violated.  I was so scared I couldn't think anymore.  I couldn't even struggle.  I just started crying.  I was balling like a little baby, I couldn't help myself.  I could hear him saying over and over again "Nicky, you are going to like this."  Then at the last moment, when he was going to force his, I can't even say what it was, into my mouth, I heard a familiar voice.

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF MY DAUGHTER YOU PERVERT," Mommy demanded.

She then lifted him bodily and pulled him off of me.  She then punched him hard across the mouth.  He lay there until the police came to take him away.  I threw myself into Mommy's arms and kissed her.  I had never loved her more than I did at that moment.  I didn't love her like an adult with his girlfriend or even fiancée or wife.  I loved her with the complete all-consuming love a child has for her Mommy.  I loved her, I wanted her, I needed her with every ounce of me.

I didn't return to school the next day or the next.  I started to see a therapist who helped me get over the incident.  When I returned to school, all my BFFs were happy to see me.  Happy isn't a strong enough word.  It was as happy as a person could be and I was just as happy to see them too.

With the love of my Mommy and my friends and the help of a therapist, I got back to normal. But I just couldn't stand to hear anyone call me Nicky anymore so I told them from now on I want to be called Nicole. All of the teachers and staff were very supportive and I tried to be the best "Young Lady" I could.  On the last day of second grade, I won the award for the smartest student.  That is OK, but I hoped I would win the award for best in religious studies.  It was through religion that I learned that it was Jesus acting through Mommy who saved me.  That I was being punished for not believing.  But Jesus loves me and forgives me and I will dedicate my life to him.

"And that was it?" Joanna asked. "Well, pretty much.  The VR machine did pump a lot of drugs into him to get him to do stuff. Not only the ones

that gave him great pleasure, there were also hypnotic drugs.  The hypnotic drugs had to be given at a time when he was open to what it wanted him to believe.  Why else would he learn to like to play with dolls with the girls?  When he finally cried during the attack that was the first time he cried throughout this entire procedure and that was the turning point. He even figuratively let Nicky go and became Nicole.  During the therapy after the attack, more direct methods could be used to permanently remove the Nick persona from his mind and reinforce the Nicole persona.

Here is how one of the therapy sessions went.  Nick was hypnotized. Inside the VR it looked quite conventional with the watching the shiny object and counting down from 10.  But in real life, Nick was pumped with powerful drugs.  Once Nick was fully under the psychiatrist asked, "Nickie can you hear me?"

"Yes"

"I know you are hurting.  I can take all the hurt away.  Do you want me to help you?"

"Yes"

"OK, I want you to imagine there is a huge trunk in front of you and it is opened.  Can you see the trunk?"

"Yes"

"I want you to put all the things that have hurt you into the trunk. When it is full, we'll lock the trunk so those things can't hurt you anymore."

"OK."

"What was the first thing that hurt you."

"When I was attacked."

"OK, put everything you remember about being attacked into the trunk."

Nick in his mind put the events in the secluded room into the trunk. "Is that all?"

"I think so."

"You remember running away?"

"Yes"

"Shouldn't you put that into the trunk too?"

"OK"

"Where did you run away from?"

"I was in detention."

"Did you like detention?"

"No"

"So, it hurt you?"

"Yes"

"Shouldn't you put that into the trunk too?"

"OK"

"Why was you in detention?"

"I did bad things?"

"I wouldn't act like the other girls"

"And doing those things got you into trouble and hurt you?"

"Yes"

"Shouldn't you put them also in the trunk"

At this point, Nick was being tricked to put everything about him that had to do with being a man or being an adult in the trunk.  Question after question led to moving everything about him that was boyish or mannish and all of his adulthood into the trunk.  It was so easy to manipulate him at this point.  His love of sports was put into the trunk.  Everything he knew about sex and his sexual desires were put into the trunk.  His desire to make a name for himself and be independent all went into the trunk.  By the time the trunk was filled, all that was left in his mind was all the things he did as a girl, respect for authority figures, and the all-consuming unconditional love for Mommy. Even the knowledge of what Mommy's real name was put into the trunk. "Is that everything?"

"Yes, I think so"

"OK now, we will lock the trunk.  See it locked."

"Yes"

"Now, I am going to pour gasoline all over the trunk."

"OK"

"See me light it on fire?"

"Yes"

In Nick's mind, he could see the trunk burning. "See it is all disappearing in the flames."

"Yes"

"Is it all gone yet?"

"No."

"I can wait, let it burn."

Soon in Nick's mind, it was all gone.  Nothing remained.  All that was left was Nicole the sweet little girl who loved her Mommy and her friends, a girl that loved to dance and play.  She was a good little girl who never did anything wrong and always tried to please all the authority figures around her.  The worst thing in Nicole's mind was that she thought all boys were icky but other than that she was sweet as sugar.

With a little fine-tuning in 'later' sessions Nicole was complete.  Such as, he didn't really call me Mommy at the time of the attack, but that is what he remembers now.  Time is meaningless in the VR machine so what is relatively three or four days would have seemed like months of the normal VR days."

"But, this all took place while he was in second grade.  Didn't he tell me that he is twelve and is in sixth grade?"

"Yes, he spent time in the VR growing up.  It was quite pleasant to him and it confirmed who he is.  I also took him out of the VR for small periods of time.  He would stay in his room which looks like his room in the VR world.  He didn't notice the difference.  I even had him redecorate this room into a less overly girly but definitely feminine room that he is in now.  I let him make all the choices and it looks quite typical for the average twelve-year-old.  He even has a real cyber friend.  She is a twelve-year-old girl who lives in California.  They chat for hours and are the best of friends.  I don't manipulate the conversation and the other girl has no idea that Nicole is not who she says she is."

"Are you going to let her date when she gets a couple of years old?"

"Older?  Nicole will be a happy sweet twelve-year-old girl for the rest of her life.  She'll never grow up.  She won't even notice that she is supposed to."

End