Undercover Chapter 11-15 (Patreon)

Chapter 11

Before Lily-Rose left the apartment in the morning, she had a word with Ethan.

"Hey, Joanna.  I saw you have been cleaning up the apartment.  You don't have to do that.  At least you don't have to kill yourself when doing so."

This was the first time anyone called Ethan Joanna out of the blue.  He should have anticipated it would happen eventually,  but he didn't.

"Why not?"

"I have a cleaning person that comes once a week.  It's her job."

"OK, but I like a tidy home."

"Fine, just let her in when she gets here.  She does a great job."

"Will do."

Ethan had just gotten dressed when he heard a knock at the door.  It still took Ethan a while to select an outfit.  Not as much time as it would take him to put on his makeup, but it still took a while.  His days of throwing on clothes as a man were gone.   At least during this assignment.

He opened it and the cleaning person was waiting.  She was dressed in a classic black cleaning dress with white trim at the collar and sleeve cuffs.  She wore it with an apron that tied around her waist.  She wore opaque nude hose and white shoes with thick rubber soles.  There were thick green plastic cleaning gloves on her hands and her hair was tied back in a hairnet.  She looked very professional.

The only thing about it was that she was obviously a he.  Despite the feminine uniform and makeup, the cleaning person wasn't trying to pass himself off as a woman.  He was obviously a drag queen.  Ethan could tell the difference.  Ethan wasn't a drag queen, he was trying to be a woman, but the cleaning person wasn't even trying.  he was a guy in drag who was doing a job.

"Where do you want me to start?" the cleaning person asked in a low-pitched voice.

"Anywhere you like."

"Fine, I'll start in the kitchen.

Ethan watched the way he walked away.  It was definitely a manly posture.

"It didn't matter to Ethan though.  If that man wanted to dress like a woman while doing his job, Ethan wasn't in any position to complain.

Ethan returned to the bathroom to put on his makeup, while the cleaning person got started in the kitchen.

Ethan didn't know they had something in common.  Both Ethan and the cleaning person were seeing Dr. Morris.

Chapter 12

Ethan had an appointment with Dr. Morris that day.  He was going to tell her the progress he was making. he had met several other of Lily-Rose's friends and was starting to be accepted.  Not that he heard anything about dirty cops and violence in the community.  That wasn't being spoken of.

This time when Ethan entered the waiting room, it wasn't as hectic.  There wasn't any screaming like the first time he came here.  This time the family was more sedate.  A mother with two boys and her mother.  The grandmother wore a sari with a blouse and flat sandals.  Her clothing, just like her attitude, was very traditional.

Her daughter was caught between Hindi traditions and western culture.  Western culture seemed to be winning.  Her two boys looked like ten-year-old twins.  They were perfectly westernized, wearing t-shirts and jeans.  The boys were playing with action figures that were fighting each other.  Something about the boys struck Ethan as odd.  The boys sat with both their knees together and they had long hair that descended past their shoulders

"Can't you control them?" the grandmother demanded.

"They aren't doing anything wrong, Mother.  Boys will be boys."

"But when will they be men?"

Ethan never suspected that this family and the one he saw earlier were the same groups of people.

Dr. Morris's pregnant receptionist didn't bother standing up, but when she saw Ethan, she smiled and bid Ethan enter the doctor's office with a wave of her left hand, "Ethan you are right on time.  Go right in."

Ethan entered the doctor's office with some of the mannerisms of a woman.  It was what Lily-Rose was teaching him.  There was a marked improvement in how he moved and behaved.   For one thing, he crossed his legs and put his hands in his lap instinctively when he sat down.   He was also more expressive with his hands when he talked.

"Dr. Morris, Lily-Rose wants me to take hormones, what should I tell him?"

"What have you told him already?"

"I told him I shouldn't take anything that wasn't prescribed until I'm off probation."

"That's fine."

"Then he said I should ask for you a prescription."

"OK, I can give you some pills that look like hormones, but they'll be placebos.  Don't mix them up with his pills."

"I won't."

"I'll get them, in the meantime, you listen to more of the case history.  Details are important for your disguise."

Ethan's family album was taken out again.  "I want you to go over more of the pictures and give them a more transsexual meaning to what was happening in each."

Ethan made up stories of him only acting to fit into heterosexual society, but on the inside feeling and thinking something differently.  How he was only acting like a boy but felt like a girl.  That he would get into fights because he was caught acting girlie in some way and he would have to prove he was a boy.  He would make fun of what girls did at the same time he was envious and wished he could play with them."

"Before he knew it his time was up.  Dr. Morris gave him the 'fake' hormones and told him not to mix them up with Lily-Rose, but make sure that Lily-Rose saw him take the pills every day.

Dr. Morris had also mixed what Ethan had recorded today, with the tape from the last session into a new MP3 for Ethan to listen to at night.

"Back at home, Lily-Rose asked, "Well what did the doctor say?"

"It was the usual thing, we talked about my childhood and staying calm, things like that."

"No, I mean did she prescribe you hormones?"

"Here they are."

"Have you taken one yet?"

"No, I thought I would start in the morning."

"Take one now.  Why wait."

Ethan didn't see any reason not to.  They weren't real hormones, why not humor Lily-Rose.  He opened the prescription bottles (there were two, one was female hormones and the other was a testosterone blocker) and took each pill with a gulp of water.  "Happy now?"

"Yes, very.  Come I'll take you out to lunch."

Ethan always dressed up nicely for his doctor visits.  He went to his room to put on something more casual, but just as feminine.  They went to lunch and talked like old friends about this and that.  Ethan's mannerisms were becoming more naturally feminine every day.  He no longer took big bites of his sandwich, he never let his legs swing far apart, he was more expressive with his hands.  But with all this, it was still quite obvious he was a man.  Despite this, the server referred to them as ladies.

Chapter 13

The doorbell rang.  Lily-Rose answered the door.  It was one of her friends.

"Maria, how have you been?" Lily-Rose gushed.  The two hugged and kissed each other on the cheek at the doorway.

"I'll go watch TV in my room and let you have some privacy," Ethan told them.  He in truth wanted to be included, but he didn't want to seem overeager.

"Don't be silly," Lily-Rose reassured.

Then to Maria, Lily rose said, "This is my friend Joanna.  She is just starting her transition.

"Nice to meet you," Maria said.  She extended her limp-wristed hand.  Ethan softly of took it and shook it.

Coffee was served and the three talked.

"So you are just beginning your transition?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know the most important thing to pass?"

"Lily-Rose has been helping me."

"The most important thing is attitude.  If you believe you are a woman, everyone else will too.  You have to be proud, stand up straight and look people firmly in the eye.  Don't avoid eye contact hoping that people can tell if you are a woman or not.  You are a woman!"

"Lily-Rose said the same thing about attitude.  She has been showing me how to improve my mannerisms and do the things girls do."

"Those are important, but you don't have to be totally feminine all the time.  Cis-girls aren't totally feminine all the time.  It took me two years to learn what I am telling you now.  I was always worried someone would clock me."

"Clock you?"

"Clock me, you know that they can tell I'm a trans-woman.  That I was just trying to pass.  But when I decided I didn't care, all of a sudden I was passing everywhere."

Ethan couldn't tell that Maria wasn't a naturally born woman.  She seemed perfectly at ease with herself.  She was also right, women weren't feminine in every aspect of their life all the time.  There was a mixture of masculine traits too.  But they knew they were women so that didn't matter.  Some women, as Ethan knew, were loud and overbearing.  Definitely a masculine trait.  But there wasn't any doubt they were still women.

"I'll try."

"Don't try...do!  I'm telling you if you believe your a woman then everyone else will too."

"OK."

"There is also one other thing you might want to work on."

"What?"

"Your voice.  It's not as important as attitude, but it is very important."

"I'm trying to talk in a higher pitch."

"I know.  What you do need is a vocal coach who can help you.  It's either that or surgery.  But there is more to it than pitch.  I've been through this.  You probably should get a vocal coach regardless of getting surgery.  "

"I see."

"Try the vocal coach first.  Then surgery if that doesn't work well enough."

Ethan was relieved.  He couldn't have surgery, he was only on assignment.  But a vocal coach would be fine.  he could stop as soon as the assignment ended without doing any harm.

"Can you recommend someone?"

"Yeah, let me find his number."  Maria looked through her phone contacts and found the number.  "He's a sweetie and very good.  His rates are reasonable too.  Give him a call."

"I will."

"Do it now.  Why wait."

Ethan let the pair guide him and soon he had an appointment.

"Now, I'm not a therapist, but I can give you a few pointers to start."

For the next couple of hours, Maria and Lily-Rose helped Ethan talk more femininely.  The techniques Maria in particular taught him were even less severe on his throat than what he had been doing so far.

Chapter 14

Lily-Rose was out when the mail arrived.  Ethan never got any mail at Lily-Rose's apartment, but he collected the mail for Lily-Rose anyway.  One letter caught his eye, it was in a padded envelope.  That was the only reason that Ethan looked at who it was addressed to.  he expected it to be addressed to Lily-Rose as all the other letters were addressed.  But this was addressed to Ethan Baughman.

"Who would address him here?" Ethan thought.  "and use my cis-name?"  He didn't know.  It didn't have a return address.  "Could it be Dr. Morris or Lily-Rose's friend Maria?"

There was only one way to find out.  Ethan opened the letter.

"Ethan I know who you are and what you are doing there.  Don't believe me? Does Captain Hoganmeier ring a bell?  How about your contact, Dr. Alisa Morris?  Meet me at 3 PM tomorrow under Pier 57.  Don't be late or everyone will know your secret.  Don't tell anyone about this letter or it won't go well for you."

Ethan couldn't believe what he was reading.  His cover was blown.  His first undercover assignment was a complete failure.  Someone discovered who he was.

Ethan didn't know what to do.  He needed to salvage the situation.  The assignment had been going so well.  He was starting to be accepted in the trans-community.  Now this!

There was only one option.  He had to contact Dr. Morris.  She was his contact.  She would guide him.  She's in contact with the Captain.  If he had to be pulled out, then that was what would happen.  It wasn't his call to make.

Ethan used an outside line and called the doctor's number.  He didn't know if his phone or the house phone was tapped.

"Dr. Morris's office," came the familiar voice of the receptionist.

"This is Ethan Hoganmeier, I need to see the doctor as soon as possible.  It's an emergency!"

"Please hold, let me check her schedule."

Ethan waited, he had to see the doctor now.  There wasn't any time to waste.  If he couldn't see the doctor, he would have to try and call the Captain.

A moment later, "The doctor can see you at 10:30 tomorrow morning."

Ethan didn't have an 'appointment' if you could call such a thing an appointment, with the extortionist until 3, 10:30 would be OK."

"Yeah, fine.  I'll be there."

"Have a great day!" the receptionist said in a cheery voice and then she hung up the phone.

Chapter 15

"You're holding back," Lily-Rose informed Ethan as they were working on techniques to help him pass in the real world.

"I'm doing my best.  I swear."  But, Ethan was distracted.  He was going to see Dr. Morris tomorrow morning.  She might end the assignment then and there.  Then there wouldn't be any reason to continue with 'passing' lessons.  But until that decision was made, he would continue as if nothing was wrong.

"No, it's not that you aren't trying, you are holding back."

"What do you mean?"

"You have to let the inner woman out.  You know, the real you.  The one that says I'm a woman and have always been."

"I'm trying."

"You don't understand.  I have seen into your soul.  I know the true you are a woman.  But you are holding her back.  You have to set her free."

"I don't know how."

"That is the problem.  Listen to me," Lily-Rose explained. "I am a woman, does me still having a penis make me any less of a woman?"

Ethan didn't know what to say.  He didn't want to insult her.

Lily-Rose continued, "No, it doesn't.  I'm a woman inside where it counts.  Having a penis doesn't make me any less of a woman then having small boobs makes a cis-woman any less of a woman.  I know that you have to believe it or you will never truly pass.  You have to let your true self out.  The real you that is a woman."

"I don't know how."

"Well, that's enough for today.  You think about what I have told you."

When Ethan was alone, he took the time to think.  Lily-Rose was right, Ethan was holding back.  It wasn't because he was fearful of being unmasked as an undercover cop by the extortionist.  Not that alone anyway.  It also wasn't that he was holding back his female self, he didn't have a female self.  He wasn't really a trans-woman.  He was holding back his real male persona.  What he needed to do was bring a female sense into himself.  For this, he couldn't ask Lily-Rose to help him. Dr. Morris couldn't help him either, he didn't spend enough time with her.  He had to do it himself.

The first thing he did was the technique that Dr. Morris introduced him to.  To look at old pictures and reinterpret them in a transsexual manner.  Ethan had found some pictures of his sister in the album and convinced himself that those were pictures of him in his sister's clothes.  It was a stretch, but by now Ethan wanted to believe so he did.  He imagined himself sneaking into his sister's room, taking her clothes out of her closets, and putting them on.

Then that was done, "How could I stuff myself with a feminine self?" he thought.    The answer came to him; by watching soap operas.  Soap operas were full of the human drama of being a woman.  How a woman thinks and relates to the world.  It was overly dramatic, but that didn't matter.  Getting involved with the plot would also keep his mind occupied.  he had to keep busy before seeing Dr. Morris.  If not he would go crazy just thinking about it.

That is how it started.

Ethan turned on the next soap that was scheduled.  He was determined to watch every aspect of feminine behavior.  It didn't matter to him which program.  He had never watched them before.  He didn't worry about the stories, that didn't matter.  Ethan concentrated on the dynamics of the women involved.  How the women related to other women and how they related to men.  Women did the same things men did, but they effortlessly did them in a womanly fashion.

There are differences between being a mother and a father, but that didn't mean that both genders didn't love their children equally.  It was the same with all aspects of life.  A person can be both strong and feminine at the same time.  Crying didn't mean you were weak, it just meant in most circumstances that you were emotionally healthy.

Ethan found what he liked about the characters and brought those emotional traits into himself.

But as time passed and more and more emotional feminine traits entered Ethan's spirit, Ethan started to get involved with the actual plots of the drama.  Now that he could see the drama through a woman's eyes, it appeared more interesting.  Ethan empathized with the characters.  Especially those whose traits he had internalized.  Soon, Ethan watched the episodes religiously either at the time they were broadcast or later that day through the DVR.

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