Undercover Chapter 6-10 (Patreon)

Chapter 6

Ethan went through the regular booking process like any other suspect.  He didn't say anything.  he was waiting to call his wife, who would call the Captain and get him out of there.  He couldn't break his cover.  The police officers at this precinct could be involved.

He was strip-searched and issued striped black and white prison uniforms.  He was also issued underwear to replace his Spanx.  He was finally back into 'male' clothing.  His face was washed and then he was taken for pictures and prints.  Finally, he was placed in a big room filled with seats and told not to get up.  At the front of the room, there was television which was playing.

He was lead to an interrogation room.  The Captain was waiting for him.  The Captain had a big smile on his face.  "We couldn't have planned this any better!" the Captain told Ethan.

Ethan kept his mouth shut.

"You made a friend.  You made the scene.  You got arrested in front of everyone.  It's perfect!"

"If you say so."

"Here's what is about to happen.  You are going to spend a couple of days in jail.  I'll see that you and that Lily-Rose person have the same cell."

"But we were arrested together.  They don't usually allow that."

"Technically you were arrested for different things.  By the way, you were arrested for assaulting a police officer.  All other charges were dropped."

"OK."

"Now, when you get to court, you will plead guilty."

"Plead guilty?" Ethan exclaimed.

"Don't worry it won't be a real court, it'll be a setup.  But Lily-Rose will be there too."

"Then what?"

"You'll be sentenced to six months probation and weekly meetings with a psychologist for your anger issues.  It's at those meetings that you will tell us about your progress on the streets."

"My progress on the streets?"

"Yeah, your wife is going to throw you out of the house and get a restraining order.   You'll be living in a hotel.  See how this works so well.  You can live among them."

"Uh-huh"

"Officially, you'll be suspended from the department, but in reality, you will be getting overtime for all the time you are undercover."

Ethan didn't realize he would be getting in this deep.  But this is what he wanted...didn't he?

"Call your wife from that public phone in the holding area.  We already talked to her.  Expect her to be screaming.  Try to calm her down.  But it won't work."

The plan seemed solid to Ethan.  Everything was being arranged.  All he had to do was follow the script.

Ethan made eye contact with Lily-Rose.  She returned the gaze with a sympathetic look as if to say "I'm sorry about this."  Lily-Rose was dressed as Ethan was in the prison uniform.  All her makeup was gone.  But, she still looked like a pretty woman.  Since her makeup wasn't overdone, some might say that she looked prettier this way.

When the phone was not in use, Ethan requested permission to make a call and was allowed to do so.  He called his wife.

"Hello, it's Ethan."

"I was expecting this call from my little cross-dressing jailbird.  The Captain told me what to do."

Ethan ignored what Fiona said.  He had to be in character.  "Honey," Ethan said trying to sound earnest and embarrassed at the same time, "I need you to get me."

"You do?" Fiona answered mechanically like she was reading a script.  Then she ad-libbed, "My little twinkie of a husband.  Look at you, one day in pantyhose and you get arrested!"

"I'm in jail."

Fiona started to scream.  She knew what to say. "I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE! and I KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO!"  Then in a quieter tone, she said, "In jail?  I'll bet you are happy to be in jail just to be out of walking around in your heels.   Didn't know how tough it was to walk in heels did you?"

"I'm sorry.  It was all a mistake.  I need you to pick me up." Ethan pleaded.

"PICK YOU UP?  AFTER WHAT YOU DID?  NEVER!" Fiona hoped that everyone could hear her screaming.  But then she whispered, "You know, I was thinking, if you would have tucked your dick between your legs then you would have had a flatter front."

"You have to listen to me.  It's not what it seems."

"NOT WHAT IT SEEMS, YOU WEREN'T ARRESTED FOR HITTING A POLICEMAN WHILE IN DRAG?  WHAT ELSE COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?  I'M NOT COMING!"  Then in her quiet voice, she said, "You do realize how absurd this all sounds.  Don't you?  I hope if something like this happened for real, you would have a more convincing story."

Ignoring Fiona's last statement, Ethan continued his play action.  "Stop talking like that.  How will I get home?"

"I DON'T CARE.  LIKE I'D LET YOU IN," then in a quieter voice, "I would however take pictures of you.  You know I have to get a copy of your mug shot.  I should put it in the album.  You think we should use that one as out Christmas picture.  You know the one we send out to everyone on the Christmas card?  I'm sure all your friends and family would love to see that.  Did you remember to freshen your lipstick before taking the picture?"

Ethan could hear the smile in her voice.  Fiona was obviously haven't a lot of fun at Ethan's expense.  But he had to stay in character.  People were watching him.  he couldn't even tell Fiona that by the time his mug shot was taken, he was out of the dress and put into his prison issued uniform and that his face was been scrubbed clean of makeup.

"You have to listen to me.  It's not what it seems.  Please, pick me up.  I have to get out of here."

They play-acted for another twenty seconds.  Ethan wished his wife would stop her snide remarks.  He didn't think they were funny.  Before hanging up, Fiona said in a quiet voice, "I Love You."

Ethan replied, "I know, but I can't talk about that."

Ethan stood there as if the phone went dead.  Then he returned to his seat and tried to look anguished.

A while later, the Captain arranged for Ethan and Lily-Rose to be placed in the same jail cell.

"My wife threw me out," Ethan explained.

"You're stuck here?  Can you call someone else?"

"I don't know who to call.  I did speak to the public defender.  He said he made a deal with the prosecutor.  I'll be out in a couple of days.  All I have to do is plead guilty and I'll get six months probation and once a week anger management classes with a therapist.  I think I can tough it out for a couple of days.  If there isn't any problem after the six months, my record will be expunged."

"Are you sure?  Public defenders are not the best lawyers."

"I don't think I'll do better with a paid lawyer.  I don't want this to get out to anyone."

"OK."

"What about you?"

"I'll be out in a couple of days too.  It's no big deal.  It happens all the time.  I don't know why they bother picking us up?  What about your wife?"

"She'll calm down eventually.  I'm sure it'll be fine."

But while in jail, Ethan was served (with Lily-Rose present, of course) a restraining order.  It said that he couldn't come within 1000 feet of his wife, nor could he return to his home.  It was also communicated to Ethan that his wife had dropped off his clothes and where to get them.

Word also came down that Ethan was being suspended without pay.

"I guess I'll have to stay at a hotel until this whole thing blows over," Ethan told Lily-Rose.

"Don't be ridiculous.  You can stay with me.  I feel like it's my fault."

"It wasn't.  Not really."

"But if you hadn't offered me a ride none of this would have happened."

Staying with Lily-Rose would only enhance his disguise.  Ethan accepted the offer.

Chapter 7

Ethan left the jail wearing the same dress he arrived in.  It was the only clothing he had.  He was undecided as to whether to put on his makeup.  He perched his lips and put on some lipstick for the sake of appearances.  The compact he used clearly showed two days' worth of stubble as he spread the lipstick over his lips.  He thought he looked ridiculous, but what could he do.

What he wanted to do, was take a shower and shave and put on his masculine clothes.  Maybe he could do that at Lily-Rose's house.  He didn't have to stay in drag all the time, just at night when he was on the street.

When Ethan and Lily-Rose got out, the first thing that Ethan did was get his car out of impound.  It was expensive to get it out, but he hadn't any choice but to use his own money.  He even had to pay cash to get it.  He was sure, he would be reimbursed when this was all over, not that he would tell Lily-Rose.

Ethan walked into the office looking very silly.  His dress looked even more out of place since his face wasn't shaven and he didn't have any makeup (besides lipstick) on.  Not to mention, this was the afternoon and the dress he wore was an evening dress.

Ethan waited in line with Lily-Rose.  Despite not wearing any makeup, Lily-Rose looked completely female.  Not that he didn't look out of place.  He was still dressed in his 'working clothes'.  

Ethan avoided looking anyone in the eye.  He tried to concentrate on that he was undercover, but unlike when he was in the Fillmore District, he felt completely embarrassed.  Everyone here (except for Lily-Rose) was an 'ordinary person'.

"Can I help you?" the clerk asked.   She refrained from calling Ethan Sir or Ma'am.

"Yes, you have my car."

"Registration, license, and proof of insurance please," the clerk said in a professional manner.

Ethan fished the required documents out of his wallet which he still carried in his purse.  His dress didn't have any pockets.  Ethan gave the clerk the required documents.  She processed them through the system.  Ethan could feel the stares on his back.   He noticed how the clerk was plastering a professional look on her face.

Ethan had to use the ATM to get the money he needed, as they only took cash at this place.  Once the paperwork was finished, Ethan and Lily-Rose headed to his car.  He then took the keys out of his purse, got into the car, and drove himself and Lily-Rose away.

"You did fine," Lily-Rose reassured him as they traveled to their next destination.

"Fine?"

"Yeah, I know this was your first time in public when dressed like this, how should I say it, average people.  I saw you were nervous, but you did fine."

"You could tell I was nervous?"

"Big time.  But it's OK, most people don't really care.  No that isn't true.  Most people don't make an issue out of it."

"I see."

"Besides when I get through with you, no one will know you are not a cis-woman."

"You think so?"

"Definitely.  It'll take time.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  But it will happen."

"I can't tell you how grateful I am that you are helping me."

"No problem.  I sort of feel responsible for you.  It was my fault you were arrested."

"Don't be ridiculous.  It wasn't your fault at all, it was the police officer's."

"OK, it was their fault.  I hate cops."

Ethan didn't reply to that statement.

The next thing Ethan did was get his clothing from where Fiona left it and drove himself and Lily-Rose to Lily-Rose's home.

Then was when he found out, in Ethan's luggage wasn't his clothes at all.  It contained dresses, skirts, blouses, bras, and panties.  Also enclosed was a handwritten note from Fiona.  "I packed all your clothes.  The rest of your stuff I burned."

The clothes obviously hadn't been Ethan's.  The Captain must have gotten them from a thrift store since they weren't exactly new nor were they very worn.

Ethan didn't know what to say.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't know Fiona knew about these," Ethan lied.  "No wonder she didn't pick me up."

"Hey, don't worry about it."

"What will I wear."

"These of course.  You wanted to dress like a woman.  I'll help you.  Let's see what you got?"

"I don't know."

"Why not?  Not like you have to go to work.  Think of this as a vacation.  If you like it, we'll make it permanent."

They went through the clothing.  Both looking at the stuff for the first time, although Ethan couldn't admit that.

"What do you think?" Ethan asked.

"Well they are feminine clothes, but I don't think they suit you."

"Why not?"

"You have a lot to learn.  Look at this?  Do you want to scream that you are a drag queen?"

"I think it looks OK," Ethan said defensively even though he didn't pick out any of the garments.

"It won't work, believe me.  Here, try it on and I'll show you."

"They look alright to me."

"Get undressed and we'll try some of these on."

Ethan got naked to his shaper and his bra.

"Before we go on," Lily-Rose said, "You've got to shave your entire body, not just your chest.  The hair on your back, stomach, and legs has to go."

"OK," Ethan complained.

"No, you got to do it now.  The shower is over there."

"But what if..."

"I know what you are going to say, but you don't have to go to work and no one over here knows you.  You just have to."

"How do I shave my back.  I can't reach."

Lily-Rose handed Ethan some depilatory.  Just spread it all over.  It'll work.

Ethan took the bottle and headed towards the bathroom.  

"One second."  Lily-Rose found a pair of panties and then got from her own bedroom a robe.  "Wear this when you're done."

Ethan entered the bathroom and took off his clothes.  "What am I doing?" he thought as he turned on the shower and got in.  The hot water splashed his body.  He backed away from the water flow to spread the depilatory all over.  He started with his legs and worked his way up.  He couldn't reach every area of his back so, he used the shower wall to help him spread it where he couldn't reach it.  Pretty soon his entire body was covered with the smelly stuff.  That is except for his crotch which he decided to leave alone.  Ethan read the directions on the depilatory.  It said to wait several minutes before showering off the cream.  It worked as expected.

Ethan left the shower a hairless man.  He put on the panties and robe, but not the shaper nor his bra.

"Great, try this awful thing on," Lily-Rose commanded.

Ethan didn't pick it out, but it looked OK to him.  "Awful?"

"Well, awful for you."

Ethan didn't have any problem putting on the tank top dress.  It didn't have a zipper and could be just thrown over his head and shoulders.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Look at yourself in the mirror.  Your arms and shoulders are too broad for this dress.  It does nothing for your narrow waist.  You look like a guy in a dress.  That isn't the look you want."

"I think it looks OK," Ethan said tentatively.

"It looks awful.  Not the dress, but the dress on you does look awful."

Ethan got a little bit defensive."

"Maybe if I dress it up a bit," Ethan said although even he didn't know what he was talking about.  He had never clothed himself in a dress in his life.  He had just heard the phrase somewhere."

"You have to listen to me, there isn't any amount of work that could make this dress look good on you."

"Alright, what should I do?"

"Let's look at a bunch of dresses and see if they are right for you."

Ethan put on dress after dress while Lily-Rose critiqued them all one at a time.

"This dress is too tight on you.  You can't pull it off.  You need a certain body type for this and you don't have it.  At least you don't have it yet...well for this one, without major surgery it won't work.  Actually, it won't work with surgery either.  Not all women can wear any type of dress.  Those are the facts.  You have to get used to them."

Ethan knew deep in his heart that he was right.  Ethan didn't know why he was getting so defensive.

"This dress won't work on you because it doesn't have a shape.  If you already had the curves of a woman then OK, but you need all the help from your clothes that you can get."

"What about this one?" Ethan asked.

"That is the opposite extreme.  It'll make you look like you are trying too hard.  People will see right through it.  What you have to do is emphasize your best traits and minimize your weaker ones."

"I suppose."

"Your legs are long, but they are too muscular, I would suggest knee-length skirts with hose that have some sort of pattern or texture.  That'll draw attention to your legs, but hide the fact that your legs don't have much of a shape."

"My wife rarely wore hose."

"She probably didn't need them.  You should also start calling her your ex-wife or don't bring her up at all."

"I'll stop talking about her."

Lily-Rose went to fetch a pair of tights.  "Here try these on."  He handed Ethan a pair of black check tights.  Ethan put them on.  

"How do I look?"

"Much better."

The checkerboard pattern made it hard to concentrate on the legs under the hose.  

"You don't have to wear these all the time, but you should wear tights a lot and stay away from the nudes.  Now that we have your legs covered, let's talk about your neck and chest.  Never wear anything with a crew neck or anything that makes your arms look too broad.  You need V-necks and U-necks, maybe a deep round neck.  Things that'll bring the attention to your upper chest."

"My upper chest that is flat?"

"We can hide that.  It only takes light and shadow that can make the illusion of boobs even in the smallest of women.  But crew necks and the alike are man's clothing.  You want clothing that doesn't remind anyone of your masculinity."

"I can see that."

"We can also give you the illusion of curves at your hips with tiers and layers.  Maybe wear women's styles are designed to accentuate hips.  You have to stick with those types.  Here try this."

Ethan was learning a lot.

"Finally, you must buy a high-quality wig made out of human hair until his hair naturally grew," Lily-Rose emphasized.

"I think this one is good."

"I can tell it's a fake from down the block.  If you want a proper wig, we'll order it online.  It'll cost a lot but it'll be worth it."  

"A lot?"

"Yeah, but don't worry, it's well worth the cost," then Lily-Rose changed the subject.  "Tomorrow, we'll have to go out shopping to get you something to wear."

"I can't tomorrow.  I have to see my psychologist."

"THEN LET'S GO NOW!"

Lily-Rose wouldn't take no for an answer.  The thought of going to therapy in male apparel was never brought up.

Soon the two of them were at a shop that catered to the clientele of the Fillmore district.   A sales associate greeted them as soon as they entered the shop.

"Ladies, how can I help you today?"  This was the first time Ethan was referred to as a lady in his life.

Lily-Rose spoke for both of them.  "My friend is just beginning and I want to see that she gets a good start."

"Wonderful!" the clerk enthused.

This wasn't anything new to the sales associate.  She had serviced everything from flaming drag queens to trans-girls that looked as feminine as any woman.  Sometimes even cis-women shopped here.

As this was their first time, and Ethan was a little hesitant, they didn't get many things.  Just the basics and a nice outfit for meeting the psychologist.  Ethan had to also make sure of what the department would pay for.  Ethan certainly didn't want to get stuck paying for all this stuff himself.

"We should have gotten more stuff," Lily-Rose insisted.

"That was enough for one day.  Plenty of time for later."

"Maybe you are right.  You have to develop your own style, it's just I love shopping.  Even when it isn't for myself."

"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you to the therapist?"

"No, I think I should go alone."

"OK, but if you change your mind let me know."

"Sure thing."

Chapter 8

The therapist would be Ethan's contact now that he was deep undercover.  He could tell Dr. Alisa Morris his progress.  The doctor would tell Ethan anything the department wanted or needed him to know.

Ethan was wearing an outfit that Lily-Rose helped him select.  He was wearing a peach-colored bra and bikini pantie set.  The bra was a padded A-cup which was still too big for him as he didn't have any breasts at all.  Over that, he wore an additional three layers.  A cami-top that could mostly be seen under his v-neck top with short sleeves.  His outermost layer was a lightweight cardigan.  The three layers and the bra were all in complementary colors.  Beneath his waist was a pleated below the knees A-line skirt that was fastened with a button in the rear.  His shaven legs didn't require the help of any sort of tights.  He completed the outfit with a pair of pumps including a small one-inch heel and a purse with a  long cross-body strap,

Ethan's face looked lightly made up, although he used heavy foundation to hid any shadow that might arise.  He wore the same wig that he had worn the other night.  Lily-Rose had ordered a higher quality wig.  It would be fitted to his head in a couple of days.

When Ethan entered Dr. Morris' waiting room, there was already a family waiting.  Two girls, sisters in their early teens were separated by their parents.  All four were sitting down.  Even though neither girl was wearing a skirt, they had their knees pressed together.  Their long hair was also tied into similar ponytails.  The two girls were staring daggers at each other.

Finally one spoke up.  "Don't take my things again," one sister told the other in a menacing growl.

"I didn't take anything."

"My lipstick is gone.  I can see it on your face.  You don't think I know my lipstick when I see it?  You're wearing it now.  Don't deny it!"

Ethan couldn't help but be drawn by the conversation.  Both girls were pretty and they certainly were wearing makeup.  Were they wearing the same shade of lipstick?  Ethan couldn't tell.

"Girls," their mother warned, "If you don't quiet down now, neither of you will be allowed to wear any makeup for a week, no, for two weeks."

The girls were cowed into silence.  Throughout the scene, the henpecked husband kept quiet, it was clear who was wearing the pants in the family.

Ethan, dressed as he was, was a bit embarrassed.  He was still on assignment, but he wasn't in the Fillmore District anymore.  The family might be troubled, but they were regular people.  He didn't like being seen by the average person while he was wearing women's clothing.

Once the show was over, Ethan approached the reception desk.  A pretty young lady who had to be seven months pregnant was sitting there.  "I'm Ethan Baughman.  I have an appointment with Dr. Morris."

"Yes, I see you on the schedule. Take a seat and fill out this form."

Ethan had some questions about how to fill out  the form.  The receptionist was very friendly and helpful.

The receptionist waved Ethan towards the door with her left hand when it was time for his session to start.  When Ethan entered the doctor's office, he noticed the distinct smell of freshly sprayed air freshener.  It had a floral fragrance.

Dr. Morris extended her hand loosely and Ethan shook it.

Dr. Morris was tall for a woman.  Even though she wore shoes with the smallest of heels, she was nearly six feet tall.  She had dark eyes and dark hair, which was tied into a bun, as well as a dark complexion.  Her makeup, as well as her attire, were very professional, from the business skirt suit to her nude pantyhose, to the small studs in her ears.

"I'm Dr. Morris and I'll be your contact.  I'll see you every week, but if an emergency comes up, I can be reached at this number."

Ethan took Dr. Morris's card and then gave his report on what was happening so far.

"Sounds like everything is going as good as could be expected.  I want you to continue what you are doing.  Let Lily-Rose guide you in all things.  Let him help you to become part of the neighborhood.  He can help you fit in better than anything you could do by yourself.  Don't force it.  Let everything happen naturally.  I know you are there to find out about the brutality in the neighborhood.  But don't bring that up yourself.  Let the information come to you.  Keep your ears open.  You mustn't seem too eager."

"That's what I thought."

"In the meantime, just try and fit in.  I think what we need is a better backstory."

"Yeah."

"We thought we would have more time to build a backstory, but this is going faster than we had hoped.  Also since you are going to be living with Lily-Rose full time this backstory has to be bulletproof and quickly remembered."

"I'll do my best."

Dr. Morris brought out a photo album.  Ethan recognized it, it was his family's album.

"What we are going to do is take the real experiences in your life and change them a little to fit in with your undercover."   Dr. Morris pointed out a picture of Ethan as a baby with his mother and father.

"How do you think a transsexual feels about his mother and father."

"I suppose he would adore his father and want to be like his mother."

"Very good, but how would a transsexual refer to HERSELF?"

"As a girl."

"Right."

"You have to start thinking of yourself as a girl inside."

"That makes sense."

"I want to hear you say that."

"Say what?"

"How you have always felt about yourself."

"I have always felt like a girl."

"Good, now say it again, but say your name first."

"My name is Ethan, I have always felt like a girl."

"Better, now say how everyone saw you and how you really felt."

"My name is Ethan.  Everyone thought I was a boy.  But I am really a girl."

"Now let's go further.  Look at this picture start with what you said before, but include how you felt about your mother and your parents.

"My name is Ethan.  My mom and dad and everyone else thought I was a boy, but inside I always felt like a girl.  I loved my mother.  I wanted to be just like her.  But I adored my father.  I never wanted to disappoint him."

"That is great.  I like what you added.  But don't say, mom and dad.  You were a baby at this time, how should you refer to them?"

"My name is Ethan.  My Mommy and Daddy and everyone else thought I was a boy, but inside I always felt like a girl.  I loved my Mommy.  I wanted to be just like her.  But I adored my Daddy.  I never wanted to disappoint him."

"Do you think you would like the name, Ethan?"

"No."

"What name do you think you would prefer?"

Ethan thought for a moment and came up with Joanna.

"Add that to the recording."

"My name is Ethan.  My Mommy and Daddy and everyone else thought I was a boy, but inside I always felt like a girl.  I might have been called Ethan, but I thought of myself as Joanna.  I loved my Mommy.  I wanted to be just like her.  But I adored my daddy.  I never wanted to disappoint him.  I wanted to be a Daddy's girl."

Ethan and the doctor went on and on refining his story, every time referring to a  real picture in the album.  When a picture of him and his female cousin was shown, they added to the backstory that he used to play dress-up with her.  In that picture, nobody knew, that he was still wearing her panties.

When a picture of him and his father playing baseball was shown, the backstory changed that he hated baseball, but he couldn't disappoint his 'Daddy' who he adored.  So he played anyway.

A picture of his mother with a new hairstyle became a story where he had gone with her to the salon.  he watched the stylist make up his mother.  That he wished he could have his hair done like that too."

Soon an MP3 was made that he would listen to at night.  It was Ethan's voice telling him about his childhood.  That he had always wanted to be a girl.  That he would hide it from everyone.  That he acted tougher than he had to because he didn't want to disappoint anyone."

"The time for the session is over," Dr. Morris reminded Ethan.  "You'd better get back.  Remember fit in and let Lily-Rose guide you in every way,"

"I will."

"See you next week."

"Oh yeah.  One last thing."

"What?"

"We bought a lot of clothes, Lily-Rose and I."

"So?"

"How much can I spend that'll be reimbursed?"

"Oh, that!  Don't worry about it.  Whatever you spend you'll get back  Just charge it.  It'll cover it.  No problem."

"Thanks.  I was just wondering."

"We think of this as the highest priority because the police might be involved.  Don't worry about anything except doing a good job."

Chapter 9

Ethan returned to the home he shared with Lily-Rose.  The breakfast dishes were still in the sink.  Ethan felt bad that Lily-Rose was doing so much for him and he wasn't doing anything for him.  So he washed the dishes and put them away.  After changing into more casual clothing, Ethan then started to straighten up and vacuum the house.  It was the least he could do.

While tidying up, Ethan found a pack of Newport Slims cigarettes.  "I didn't know that Lily-Rose smoked," Ethan thought.  "Maybe he doesn't or this is an old pack?"

If this assignment is a success and he was sure it would be.  It would be because of Lily-Rose who didn't ask anything of him.  He was just a nice person.

After cleaning up a bit, Ethan decided to take a closer look at the clothes he bought yesterday.  He was alone and could take the time to see what he really thought of them.

At first glance, they were nice, but until Ethan tried them on how would he know.  The first thing he looked at was his current attire.  They did look nice on him for what they were.  If he was really a transsexual these clothes do make him look somewhat like a woman.  "In fact, they were actually cute.," he thought.  He was definitely a man, but somehow he didn't look like a drag queen.  He looked like he was trying to look like a woman.  It didn't work, he had been a man for too long, but it didn't look totally ridiculous.Ethan returned to the home he shared with Lily-Rose.  The breakfast dishes were still in the sink.  Ethan felt bad that Lily-Rose was doing so much for him and he wasn't doing anything for him.  So he washed the dishes and put them away.  After changing into more casual clothing, Ethan then started to straighten up and vacuum the house.  It was the least he could do.

While tidying up, Ethan found a pack of Newport Slims cigarettes.  "I didn't know that Lily-Rose smoked," Ethan thought.  "Maybe he doesn't or this is an old pack?"

If this assignment is a success and he was sure it would be.  It would be because of Lily-Rose who didn't ask anything of him.  He was just a nice person.

After cleaning up a bit, Ethan decided to take a closer look at the clothes he bought yesterday.  He was alone and could take the time to see what he really thought of them.

At first glance, they were nice, but until Ethan tried them on how would he know for sure.  The first thing he looked at was his current attire.  They looked fine on him for what they were.  If he was really a transsexual, these clothes do make him look somewhat like a woman.  "In fact, they were actually cute.," he thought.  He was definitely a man, but somehow he didn't look like a drag queen.  He looked like he was trying to resemble a woman.  He couldn't accomplish the look perfectly, he had been a man for too long, but it didn't look totally ridiculous.

Ethan then tried on the apparel he came here with.  Once on, he could see what Lily-Rose was talking about.  His shoulders were too big, his hips too narrow, his butt too flat, for this outfit.  It didn't do anything for him.

Ethan tried on another skirt/top combination that Lily-Rose picked out.  It was much, much better.  Seeing himself in this outfit, reminded him of something that Fiona said.  She was right, it did need contrast.  A chain around the neck would help.  Also, something to draw his friends' and other's eyes away from his broad shoulders and down his arms.

"How about some nice nail polish?"  Maybe not, that might direct attention to his big hands.

"I got it," Ethan thought.  "How about some bracelets?  That should help?  Shouldn't it? "

Both Fiona and Lily-Rose said the same thing, "Dress to hide the problem areas."

"Isn't that what Fiona was trying to tell me?"  He thought so.

Ethan didn't know what inspired it, but he decided to leave the house and get some nail polish.  He wanted something in a soft blue color.  Painting his nails red might bring unwanted attention to his relatively big hands.  But something cool and soft probably wouldn't do that.  He would also get himself a bracelet.  When this was all through, he'll give them to Fiona...if the force allowed him to keep them.

Ethan knew he couldn't pass, but he didn't care.  He was sick of being at home.  He checked his makeup in the mirror.  His face wasn't fully made up.  Lily-Rose warned him about wearing too much makeup.  Lily-Rose stressed the importance of wearing foundation, but other than that, Ethan shouldn't wear any more makeup than was necessary for the situation.  He freshened his lipstick and drove to the drug store.

Inside, he went straight for the makeup aisle, found a huge circular stand with what seemed like hundreds of shades of nail polish, found one he 'liked'.  Ethan didn't say a word to anyone.  He just paid for the item in cash and left the store.

Ethan was going to return home to apply it to his fingers immediately and maybe his toes too.  Instead, he found a big department store and bought some nice bracelets he could wear.  Something that would look fantastic on Fiona when this whole thing was done.

Chapter 10

At home, Ethan painted his nails with the skill of a ten-year-old, but he was happy with the results regardless.

He was admiring himself with his painted nails and new bracelets when Lily-Rose returned home.

"How did it go?" Lily-Rose asked.

"Not too bad."

"Was it group therapy?"

"No, it was one-on-one with the therapist.  She thinks my anger comes from when I was very young?"

"She does?"

"Yeah, we started at the beginning,"  Ethan told Lily-Rose a story that he remembered.  "When I was very young, maybe four, I happened to be watching a bunch of girls play some sort of game.  One of the boys came up to me and told me, 'Yew, you like girls!'  This was true, but I couldn't admit it.  So I beat him up.  That seems to be where all this hostility started."

"Then what?"

"Then we ran out of time.  But the therapist, Dr. Morris says we should continue to explore my childhood in the upcoming sessions.  She also gave me this app that plays soothing music.  I'm supposed to listen to it while I sleep.  Want to hear it?"

"Sure."

Ethan selected the app and both he and Lily-Rose heard the soothing sounds of the surf.  Underneath,  the tones Ethan's voice was also being played.  It was the story he had worked out with the doctor about his altered childhood.

"Sounds OK to me."

"On another note, the clothes you helped me pick out have grown on me.  We should get some more outfits."

"Great, I love shopping."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"It's about bras."

"What about them."

"Well, not bras specifically.  The bra straps."

"I'm listening."

"How do you keep them from falling down your shoulders?  Ethan spent the day replacing his bra straps to the tops of his shoulders at the doctor's office.

"I have some bad news for you."

"What?"

"Guys don't wear bras," Lily-Rose laughed out loud.

"No, I am being serious!"

"Have you tried crazy glue or staples?"

"Come on."

"Lily-Rose put a serious look on her face.  "Well, you need the weight of real heavy boobs.  Your straps are falling down because there isn't anything heavy to keep them in place."

"Really?"

"No!" Lily-Rose started laughing again.

"Are you going to be serious?"

"I'm just having a little fun.  The first thing is you have to have the straps the proper length.  Have you resized the length of your straps?  Because if they are too big or too small they'll fall."

"No, I haven't done anything like that."

"If that doesn't work there are other things you can try.  Glue and staples are silly, but two-sided tape many gurls and women use."

"I don't know if I want to put tape on."

"...or you can use a small safety pin and pin it to your shirt... that is if it has sleeves."

"I'll think about it."

"There are also bras with no-slip straps."

"Why don't all bras come with no-slip straps."

"I don't know.  Do I look like a bra manufacturer?"

"Whatever.  How do I know if it has a no-slip-strap?"

"Look on the internet.  You can also use a bra with a racer-back or a racer-back clip."

"OK, I'll look into those things, too."

Lily-Rose not only taught Ethan about preventing his bra straps from slipping, but she also taught him about other ways to pass as a woman.  This amounted to teaching him how to wear makeup, and walk and have the mannerisms of a woman.

"But what is most important," Lily-Rose explained, "is attitude.  You have to stand tall and project that you are really a woman.  Don't look down, don't avoid eye contact.  Be proud to be a woman."

What surprised Ethan was that this was the same advice that Dr. Morris told him.  He had to make himself believe he is a woman and everyone else would too.

Ethan and Lily-Rose spent a lot of time together.  Ethan really liked her.  They had become best friends.  Lily-Rose was overly helpful and she didn't want anything for herself.  She seemed just happy to help.

Learning how to be a passable woman was tough, but with both Dr. Morris and Lily-Rose helping Ethan, he was making progress.

"Hey," Lily-Rose asked, "do you have a femme name?"

"Yeah, Joanna," Ethan said without thinking.  It was the name that he came up with at the doctor's office.

"That's a pretty name."

"Thank you.  I sort of always knew I was a Joanna, but I have been hiding from it my entire life.  I think I only became a police officer to prove I was a man."

"You're a police officer?"

"Yes, I mean I was.  That is until I got suspended."

"I didn't know."

"I'm sorry I thought I told you."

"No, you didn't.  It probably would be best not to tell anyone else."

"OK, what do I say if anyone asks?"

"Just tell them you are looking for work.  This is true."

"I'm not really looking for work."

"Just tell them that anyway.  You aren't the only one here with a story."

Later, Lily-Rose gave Ethan a bottle of pills and said, "I got you these."

"What are they?"

"Hormones of course.  Just like those I'm taking."

"Where did you get them."

"Don't worry, I just got them.  You'll need them to help with your transition."

"I don't think I should take illegal pills.  Not while I'm on probation."

"OK, then ask your therapist.  Maybe she can get you a real prescription"

"Maybe."

"You want to be a woman right?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then you need hormones to make it work."

"I don't know."

"Just ask your therapist, see what she says."

go to Chapter 1-5     go to Chapter 11-15