Hotel Chaldea Ep. Valkyries (Patreon)

"A pizza place? The choosers of the slain of nordic myth, figures so eponymous with the concept of a female warrior that their name is borrowed into modernity to denote badass women, work at a pizza place?"

The dark haired Valkyrie, codename Lancer but personal name Ortlinde, nodded seriously. On her right hand she had a box of pizza, with the logo and name of perhaps the most unexpectedly VIP pizza delivery service in the planet. The Valkyries could go anywhere they wished, after all, and so it really wasn't too surprising they could deliver pizza, of all things, to the remote Caribbean island you were chasing a delinquent debtor to.

Valkyria Pizza, a simple but effective name, and their logo was their shield, entwined in angelic wings, and above it, the caricaturized image of the very Valkyrie you were speaking to, with the same serious expression she currently had on and a thumbs up, on the right, a pink haired Valkyrie with bunny-ear-like wings on top of her head who went by Hildr winking, sticking her tongue out and throwing double peace signs, and at last, their nominal leader and coordinator, the blonde Thrud in the middle, with a confident but charming smile and her hands reaching forward as if making an embrace gesture towards the viewer.

"I'm sorry I got a little distracted," you replied, as Ortlinde passed you the pizza box. "Can you charge it to my office in Chaldea? I'm afraid I have no currency on me."

Ortlinde looked around. "Yes, I'm aware. As a matter of fact, when the delivery was confirmed, a second order was given to us," she said, "that we were to take over as your bodyguards. The condition has changed and we suspect magical elements are aiding your target."

"I see... so we'll let Mordred deal with that while I stand back and you defend me?" you asked. It was a little bit of a bummer, considering you came all the way out to this island and wouldn't get to accompany Mordred into the complex she was gonna assault, but it couldn't be helped. Medea would be very disappointed in you, even though she had loaded you up to the gills in protective charms, if you put yourself in any true danger.

"Correct," the Valkyrie said, nodding.

"Wait, us?" you asked.

"That's right!"

Someone draped themselves over your shoulders, and you felt the weight of a human woman, and her chest, on your back, as the pink haired and bubbly Valkyrie, Hildr, made her presence known. "Wha- who-"

"Hello there, customer! This is your combination delivery and bodyguarding service, I'll be thoroughly guarding your body tonight, my name is Hildr, please entrust your privates to me!" she said, stepping back and saluting. "This is how humans do it, right?" she asked.

"No, it's not," a calm and collected voice spoke, as the third of the Valkyries descended from the heavens, the blonde Thrud, least dressed, but somehow most imposing, of the three Valkyries.

Something struck you then.

"Wait," you said, raising a finger. "Don't you guys, you know, share a body or something?" you asked.

"We share the same Saint Graph, but thanks to the advancements of Chaldea, and an incredible amount of money spent to fulfill one of Master's dirty fantasies, we've been each given our own Saint Graph!" the pink haired Valkyrie called. "Wow, this place really is the middle of nowhere!" she said, looking around.

It was. You had set up camp in the middle of the dense rainforest that covered most of the remote island, purely because you were trying to hide your approach from the wealthy druglord living on the only center of population on the island. There'd be no hiding there, as it was a village of two hundred people.

So there was only a firepit, a tent and a small folding table with two folding chairs.

"That's so strange, I thought humans need a lot of entertainment," Hildr said. "This is gonna be boring!"

"Idle humans do. This man is hard at work," Ortlinde corrected. "Stop playing yourself, Hildr, we are here to be bodyguards, not to have fun."

"Well it's not wrong to try to have fun while at work," you said, pulling out your phone. Thanks to Chaldea's bullshit supertech, you had perfect reception and high speed internet, even in the middle of nowhere. "I do have some amusements," you said, showing them the simple but fun little game you were playing on your phone.

"Ah, yes, phone games. We are no longer allowed to own mobile phones," Thrud said. "Please don't ask for details."

"We don't like to talk about it," Ortlinde said, pointedly glaring at Hildr.

"We can always just play a game or something, to pass the time," you offered. "I have a chess set in my luggage."

Surprisingly, Mordred actually was pretty good at chess... when she wasn't distracted. Unfortunately for her, she was easily distracted. 

"Hm... no, I think I want to move my body some!" Hildr said. "I like being active!"

"We've noticed," Ortlinde responded, a little snark creeping into her mostly passive tone.

Thrud nodded. "There are no worthy warriors to be sought in this island and we've been forbidden from guiding Warriors of Chaldea to Valhalla," she spoke, closing her eyes for a moment. "Very well then, we shall employ the methods of modern humans to fulfill our needs."

"Yaaay!" Hildr cried, grinning. 

"I can't believe my sisters have fallen like this," Ortlinde said, her palm meeting her face. "You've been deeply corrupted by Master."

"Oh, I'm not taking that from the one who's been with Master the most out of all of us!" the pink haired Hildr accused, pointing at Ortlinde, who pulled back her hood to reveal her ear-like wings as well, as she looked scandalized.

"What are you guys talking about?" you asked, raising a hand. "I feel a little ignored."

"Oh, you're about to get pretty involved," Hildr said. "Master taught us all about how humans bond and enjoy their time together! With sex!"

"Somehow, I am thoroughly unsurprised that such ideas come from Ritsuka of all people," you responded, rolling your eyes.

"Thanks to Master introducing us to sex, we've reached a much greater understanding of humans and their warriors that have helped us to develop and understand ourselves, as well," the blonde Thrud commented.  "Though we have met recently," she said, "we may yet deepen our bonds," she spoke. There was a pause. "Furthermore, we wish to understand our older sister Brynhildr's obsession with... that man."

"Yes... that man," the other two chorused.

There was an undercurrent of something that was nasty when they spoke about... that man.

Something scary even.

"So..."

Thrud pointed a finger at you. She was their nominal leader. "We begin!"

Ortlinde sighed. "Alright, mission confirmed."

"Do I not get a say in this?" you asked.

"Yes, you can say yes," Hildr replied with a smile.

You rolled your eyes. One'd think that you would become too used to this, that it'd get boring at some point, that having sex with the most beautiful women in the world, across all of history, and some who were even fictional, would become a boring and trite, repetitive task...

But now that three sexy valkyries stood before you with intent to fuck, your body responded just the same as if it was the very first day. Nobody could ever get bored of this. They moved towards you with inhumanly good coordination and extremely agile and quick movements, Hildr once more threw herself on you, her hands moving to your chest as she rested hers on your back, agile fingers doing quick work of the buttons of your tan big game hunter shirt.

You'd put on the outfit as a joke, but it actually was breathable and nice for the forest, and the enchantments on it and the rest of the equipment you wore kept you nice, cool and protected from bugs and animals.

And now it became convenient, as it was also easily removed. As Hildr made short work of your shirt, Ortlinde pulled at the strings of the knot at the front of your pants that was holding the elastic band pulled taut, and when she undid it, it relaxed, allowing her to pull your pants and underwear down to your ankles, allowing you to step out of them as she pulled them off, leaving you wearing only shoes and an unbuttoned shirt.

Ortlinde was on her knees in front of you, and you looked down. Despite her protestations and the fact that her expression remained impassive, you could see the flicker of emotions behind her passive expression. She might not look like it at first, but looking deeper, she was a lot more into this whole thing than she was pretending to be.

You heard Hildr's giggle as she floated most of her weight behind you and only some of it was on you, mostly just her chest and arms, as she tilted your head to look at the side, while at the same time leaning over so she could capture your lips with a kiss. "Hmm... we're not humans, but the more we learn about ourselves, the more we realize... we're more human than we'd care to admit," she spoke. 

You heard Thrud's voice behind yourself. "There is something we can only know through experience. Machines that we are, we need confirmation," she spoke. 

Hildr's tongue slipped past your lips, as Thrud took place under her.

At the same time, Ortlinde took hold of your penis. The scent of the valkyries was overpowering the smells of the forest now that you had them all over and around you. They had a distinctive scent, not the cheese of the pizza they had brought, nor the scent of a kitchen, no, they had a strangely sweet and almost bewitching scent. Hildr had a floral hint to it, as if she had applied perfumed shampoo to her hair, Ortlinde's scent made you feel like you were inhaling cold air, and Thrud had a strangely pleasant scent that almost resembled the taste and scent left in the air just before a lightning bolt, ozone, but not quite.

Your senses were starting to become overwhelmed as you became the meat in a Valkyrie Sandwich, a very enjoyable sandwich indeed, you felt Thrud's hands on your thighs, rubbing their way up to your hips and onto your butt cheeks, while at the same time, Ortlinde took your penis with her fingers, opened her mouth and, while staring deeply into your eyes, opened her mouth to begin giving you a very mechanically adept, if a little inexpert, blowjob. She clearly knew what she was doing, not her first rodeo by any chance, but she was also still learning, adapting to your response. Your hand automatically moved to guide her, you didn't even have to think and she didnt't resist as your hand planted between the ear-like wings on top of her head, guiding her to move her head and suck you off better.

"Yeah, use your tongue," you moaned.

Hildr giggled. "Ortlinde really enjoys servicing men," Hildr mentioned. "It's interesting, isn't it? Although we're all formed from the same mold, we all have our preferences. Me?" she asked, looking up at you as you looked at her. "I prefer these!" she said, leaning over and down, almost wrapping her body around you like she was a snake, floating in the air using her power, reaching with her left hand to your right nipple, and bringing her face to the left, licking at it at first, then sealing her lips around it and sucking while swirling her tongue around your nipple, the sensitive skin sending pleasure signals to your brain. She was quite good, but more enthusiasm than technique.

A contrast with Ortlinde, of course, who seemed to be relying almost entirely on technique and your guidance, Hildr was a wild one, reading your reactions instead, clearly delighting in every moan and gasp and groan that she got out of you.

Thrud was last to join,. "We've guided many warriors, we understand, our bodies are desirable to human men," she stated, simply and clearly. "Before Master taught us of sex, we never thought we would desire a man, ourselves," she spoke. "The Allfather created us all from the same whole, but our imperfections shine through in our individuality," she muttered, her hands reaching for each of yoru cheeks and spreading them to reveal your butthole.

"Eheh, Thrud talks all dignified and proud, but she's the naughties out of all of us! Her favorite is servicing men's asses!" the pink haired Hildr said.

Ortlinde pulled back, lapping at your prickhead for a moment, then adding her own two cents. "Do you have to put it in such a way?"

You were about to interject, but that was the moment Thrud chose to dig in, at first kissing your butthole with an almost chaste peck, then opening her mouth and starting a dirty, naughty and very heavy makeout session with your asshole, tonguing it quickly and ruthlessly, she clearly enjoyed the act quite a bit, hell, she might be enjoying it more than you were, and that was saying something because it felt absolutely unbelievable. The other two clearly had some experience but not much, but Thrud?

Thrud was an absolute master at her task, she didn't just eat your ass, she devoured it, she stuck her tongue inside you and effectively and efficiently sought every weak spot, finding all of them and teasing them thoroughly, pleasuring you hard and fast and not wasting a single moment.

Your cock was as hard as a rock already but as soon as she began it began to throb as pleasure overloaded your mind.

"Oh dang, we need to hurry, Ortie!" Hildr said, "we can't let Thrud be the only one to pleasure him!"

"Fine," Ortlinde said, standing up, turning around and bending over, revealing her butt, clad in black panties. Seeing your raised eyebrow at the underwear, she understood your curiosity even as she pulled them down. "Master insisted that we are to wear different panties," she spoke. "Apparently they sell for a higher price when they can be identified."

There was a moment's pause.

Somehow, the fact that Ritsuka was selling servants' used panties seemed both too stupid to be true, and stupid enough that there was no way it wasn't true, at the same time. 

Hildr giggled. "Mine are pink obviously!" she said with a wink. "You can keep'em if you want, usually they're sold as part of our Valkyrie Sandwich service, but we can make an exception if you want'em~!"

You wanted to argue, but...

Yeah, Medea would love those as a souvenir. "You know what I'll take them," you said.

Ortlinde interrupted the stupidity unfolding. "Sister, let him go for a moment so he may penetrate me."

"Acknowledged," Thrud responded, a little muffled as she pulled back, and the sudden relaxation hit you like a lightning bolt as your tensed up muscles let go and you felt the sheer pleasure you were holding back. With your cock throbbing, you were pushed forward, and slid between Ortlinde's cheeks.

"Please do not hesitate, ejaculate inside me as much and as fast as you want," Ortlinde said. "I quite enjoy the sensation of semen inside my vagina and in my womb," she said.

She backed up onto you and with almost terrifying, unerring accuracy, sank you into her, her soft, wet and squishy pussy wrapping around you like a living being itself, you could see her before you felt it, her entire body seized like she'd been hit with a static shock.

"Ngnh!! This is more intense!! Than expected!!" she was struggling to take all of your length into her but she was determined and relentless and within moments, she was fully inside you.

And then Thrud was back behind you, devouring your butthole with gusto and dedication.

Hildr moved away floating and immediately straightened up as she floated in front of you and then she once again wrapped around you, her legs wrapping around your torso, her arms around your shoulders, a hug with both arms and legs, and as she did so, you could see that she was, indeed, wearing pink panties, the same pastel pink of her hair.

A thought crossed your mind, were Thrud's a golden yellow like her hair? Most likely.

But it was hard to focus on anything more than the overwhelming presence of the Valkyries that took over all of your senses, especially as Hildr began to make out with you, a prodigious kissing technique almost but not quite taking your mind away from the two valkyries taking your crotch and your ass, as Ortlinde began to move, rocking and swinging her hips back and forth, and Thrud using one of her hands to play with your balls while eating your ass.

The pleasure didn't so much climb as it ramped at full speed, and in what felt like a fleeting instant you were facing a mindshattering orgasm that almost sent you tumbling down the path to insanity as waves of pleasure exploded from your core, your muscles relaxing as your semen exploded down your shaft and poured into the Valkyrie's pussy and womb.

Another unbidden thought crossed through your mind. They were designed to be tools and such, yet they had functional reproductive systems, at least functional in as much as Ortlinde was warm, wet, soft and delightfully fuckable...

For a brief instant, you wondered if Odin was a pervert.

"Yes," Hildr said, then raised her finger and made a shushing noise. "Don't tell the others," she said with a wink. 

How, exactly, she'd known what you were thinking... was for future you to worry about. 

"Me next!" Hildr said, as Ortlinde stumbled off, collapsing to the ground, mewling and panting as semen leaked from her puffy, juicy pussy. 

Thrud, however, stood up behind you. "Negative. I'll go next," she said, stepping back and reaching for her loincloth, moving it away and revealing that she was indeed wearing golden panties. 

A brilliant idea coursed through your mind. "Lie down... I'l do you both," you said. Servants had nothing to fear from the cold, hard ground, so Thrud did as you said, and then, you helped Hildr lie down on top of her, the Valkyries facing each other. Slipping your cock between them was easy and simple, and though it needed a little adjustment, and a hurried removal of their panties, you soon were sandwiched between their hot wet valkyrie pussies.

You grit your teeth. Ortlinde's pussy was amazing, but tasting two pussies at once was no lesser.

"Oh! This is great!" Hildr moaned, "ngnh, I can feel your hot body under mine, Thrud!"

Thrud mewled. "I see..! I shall use this new knowledge with Big Sister... Even if I have to put up with... that man," she said, panting.

"REJECTED!" the other two cried. "You are NOT stealing a march on us!" Ortlinde said, though instead of getting on them, she was now clinging to you.

"Do not question me, I am your leader by the will of the Allfather!" Thrud responded.

"The will of the Allfather was for us to listen to whatever Master has to say, and she said all of us or none of us!" Hildr countered.

You chuckled.

The sex was only really just starting, but you had the feeling that it was about to get silly, as the trio began to fight over the original model that they were all based upon, as you would learn later, and more specifically, fighting over which of them would take their attention.