I Reincarnated As My Waifu, What Do? 15 (Patreon)

"I'm pretty sure that is not how you're supposed to use arrows, Your Highness!"

"I can't fire this from a wooden bow," I responded, waving the obnoxiously fat, long and pointy rod of iron that for some insane reason that eludes me, father believes is an arrow. Everything I know suggests this thing should not function, but then, I've seen father shoot the wings off a swallow in flight with one of these.

And as for me?

Well, it was about the right size for me to use it as a javelin, so you can bet, that's exactly how I'm using it. And given the fact that the other arrow I'd loosed had found purchase in the hide of a Sabertooth Lion, I'll be arrogant enough to say, I'm doing pretty well at this hunting thing.

Even if the main hunt was complete, dick size measurement contests are all the rage among nobility with nothing better to do, so here I am, acting as father's metaphorical penis in a competition among noble lords.

Alongside an increasingly more flustered Leon Finn, I went through the challenges, trials and tribulations normally reserved to the most houndy of gloryhounds. Is that a word? I don't care if it isn't, I'm a royal I'll write it into the textbooks myself if I must!

We brought the Sabertooth Lion, the last drips of its lifeblood staining the ground as I presented its carcass to the huntmaster- or in this case, the council of nobles that would act as such - and balled up my hands into fists.

The smaller prey my fellow hunters had brought spoke for itself. Horned hares. Forest wolves. A two headed eagle. Dangerous, in their own right. Fast. Difficult to catch. Each one of them surely went through their own dangerous trials to catch their prey.

Many a lad sports cuts, bruises, and the one with the horn hare clearly used his own body as a trap for it, as he wears bandages around his otherwise naked chest, a circular bloodstain growing on them.

I'm almost self conscious of how easy it was for me in turn. Just... see a lion. Chuck arrow at Lion. Bring carcass back.

After much deliberation... 

"Are you telling that you cast doubt upon my daughter's achievement!?" 

Father's rage shook the ground beneath us, and the nobility cowered as his voice thundered across the plains, shaking the so called huntsmen council like leaves in a harsh wind. I almost felt sorry about them. Almost. But they were accusing me of having... somehow acquired the carcass of the Sabertooth lion without actually hunting it. 

"B-b-but Your Majesty- you have to admit, it is suspicious that your daughter would use your own warriors to hunt, and-"

"And what!? I allowed any of your children to take any of my weapons," Father, in full King mode, spoke, gesturing to the rack that contained any of his several tools for destruction. Three were taken... the two arrows I had, and a single knife. That knife might as well be a short sword in anyone else's hands. "My daughter received no special treatment, at her own demand, if I may add!"

Of course he'd bring that up. He never would choose not to.

"But sire- that's not-"

"Lords, I can attest personally, as I saw myself the Princess making that shot and the creature died in our own arms," Leon Finn spoke, raising his still bloody hands. "A lion slain earlier would not have bled still, would it?"

Depends on how it was stored, of course... and they knew that. The lion had cooled in the time it took to bring it here, as well.

"Perhaps if the princess were to repeat the feat-" someone said.

The King's foot stomped on the ground. "Just finding a Sabertooth Lion alone is a feat - and you expect her to hunt a second one? Should she slay the second of the mating pair, if there even is a second?"

Wincing, the protesting nobles looked among each other, until-

"My lord, if perhaps your daughter could prove that she could hit a moving target..." they tried, as if reasoning with father.

"Fine. Noire?" he asked, turning to me. "It is the duty of a King to reassure their subjects, no matter how insulting their doubts may be," he said.

I gave him a smile, as demure as I could make it, bowing. "Of course father. Lords, if I may?" I asked, gesturing to the open plains beyond us. 

They looked at each other, and one of the younger lads nodded, grabbing the carcass he had brought - the horned hare. A small target. It was dead, however... what did he intend to do with it?

He was a big lad, and it was obvious that he was strong as well, the wound on his body didn't seem to bother him overly much. He raised his prey by the horn, showing it to me. "Your Highness, I'll toss this into the air... think you can hit that?"

A predictable flight arc? 

Compared to hitting the lion... "I should be able to, yes," I said. Trom's Royal Guards did not often employ javelins, but they were a part of the regular army's equipment, and I'd learned to use them as part of my training under Otto.

Thus...

When the man reared back and got ready to throw, I was already ready, and when he threw it high into the air...

The arrow was not balanced like a javelin, but it was more than easy enough to compensate for that. The arrow was meant to fly after all, and though it was neither javelin nor throwing dart, Father's ridiculously oversized weaponry nonetheless proved to be of the finest make and greatest quality, as the arrow flew through the air and...

Split the flying horned hare in half, carrying half of the carcass a hundred paces with itself. 

Father's boisterous, proud laughter followed the spectacle of unnecessary gore, as he grabbed me and raised me in the air, spinning me around, disorienting and distracting me. "Behold the prowess of my own flesh and blood, you have your father's might, and your mother's brains, you truly are the gem of our bloodline!"

It was a bit embarrassing to be pampered like that in public, especially as father showed me off to everyone else. More than a pair of eyes focused with precision greater than I'd just displayed on my breasts, as they shook and moved alongside me. I would call them perverts, but then, I'd be denying that I like the heat of their gazes on me.

I might need to return sooner rather than later, I'm already missing the loving touches of the maidens and the reverence of the soldiers, the softness of the priestess, and the pawing of my black ops operatives...

Father set me down, and I swayed a bit, trying to give my body a moment to settle.

A slightly uncomfortable celebration of my victory in the hunt followed, and not moments later, another challenge arose. This time, it was an old, tried, and true tradition of the nobility...

Fighting each other to prove who was the greatest warrior among them. I am almost certainly not the only one happy that father has made the penalty for starting fights among fiefdoms, for civil war, the stripping of one's lands and titles followed by exile. Our country is plagued by tales of nobles fighting over the silliest things.

I am perhaps the only one that is happy because it has resulted in the young, strapping heirs of that nobility divesting themselves of their clothing above the waist and below the knee, getting all oiled up, and throwing each other down in a pit of mud.

Exactly how mud wrestling had become the sport of choice for such disputes, only the Gods themselves knew, but what a good thing indeed!

Maltus Haart, he of imposing height, broad shoulders and a square jaw, with a sensible beard and hair cut short as the military favored it, grabbed Jonathan Bogden, slim of shoulders and with a more pretty than handsome face, yet bearing muscles just as impressive as Maltus.

Jonathan responded in kind, and they tussled, pushing and pulling, trying to toss each other off their feet, breaking only for fists to fly, both fighters displaying impeccable etiquette, as far as such a thing went, by taking each other seriously and not letting up for even a moment.

Their guards were kept up, but soon, they flagged, and the two of them started to feel the combination of exhaustion and injury that eventually led Maltus Haart, bigger and more experienced, to make a breakthrough and smash his fist past Jonathan Bogden's guard, and thus, the son of a Baron and the son of an Earl concluded their fight, muscular, sweaty bodies crashing against each other, the two males having newfound camaraderie in being the strongest among the sons of the nobility gathered.

Every part of my body had enjoyed the borderline erotic display, and I was quite glad that my pants were already wet from sweat, else I would have a hard time hiding the evidence of my arousal.

"Brings you back, doesn't it Bogden?" Father said, slamming the father of the loser's back with a mighty slap that nearly sent him tumbling.

Lord Haart laughed heartily. "Like father, like son, eh? Who would've thought our children would be just as competitive as we were?" 

By contrast to their sons, both the lords had similarly thick builds, and though they were not as tall as father, they were taller than their children... truly a strange thing, how the world worked.

Despite their friendly words, there was something else, a spark of something ugly, between the men. Rivals, and not always friendly ones.

"Almost makes me wish to partake myself," I admitted freely, thinking of little else than being between the bodies of such strapping lads... and speaking out of turn, as it were.

Father's laughter resounded. "Ah, my daughter, hold the flames of your passion- you must not break the lads' spirits, and much as I know that you are as mighty as your father, to the young ones you are but a beautiful maiden that they should not raise their hand against."

Fortunately... nobody challenged father on this. I am suspicious that, at this moment, the nobility is very willing to believe him when he boasts of my strength.

I fear he has an excessively high opinion of my abilities, compared to the Guards I train with on the regular, I am still a fledgling relying on my innate, natural abilities to support me and keep me on par with those for whom training is a way of life.

After the trials were done, and titles and prizes were handed out for the succesful, I spent time with Leon Finn, as he was one of the few who had not participated in the melee, and together we gathered herbs to provide for dinner. He was knowledgeable, and the lady who led us evenmore so, and with a bit of effort and a quick step, we gathered a decent amount of edible herbs that would enhance the taste of our food.

I did not know that hunts were essentially group camping trips for the nobility. But I do not dislike this.

However... as the merryment continued, curiosity got the better of me when I saw the heirs Bogden and Haart retreat away from the festivities together... I utilized my abilities to their fullest extent, and even employed the guards that had been brought along to ensure that I was neither followed nor suspected. 

Even Leon, who had almost been my shadow for the good part of a day, was left behind in the camp, as I traced the two well muscled lads' steps... In the dark of the night, it was hard, but not impossible, and so I followed them to the nearest river, and specifically, a small rocky outcropping on the shore of the river.

From what I understand, the river was not natural, but instead, carved as the result of a great battle between the gods, a long long time ago, and it was littered with the scars of their battle. This one in particular happened to form usable cover, for two people looking to hide away from prying eyes...

As I approached, I listened to the two of them speak.

"I can't stand it anymore, Jon," the baritone, smooth voice of Maltus said, an undercurrent of anger riding on it.

"I don't like it either, but what can we do?" Jonathan replied, his own voice bitter, a little bit higher pitched, I could imagine him a good singer if he gave it a try. "If it were revealed, what do you think would become of us? Do you think we would be able to walk away? Our very own families would see us killed!"

Oh... Oh my! Have I stumbled perhaps, into something... torrid?

"My blood boils, and I'm powerless to do anything about it!" Maltus shouted. "Even right here, with the King within reach, we can't even as much as speak for ourselves, we can't take a stand... are we really such cowards? Is this all that we amount to?"

Jonathan didn't reply, but as I approached, I heard shuffling and pacing from behind the rocks, movement but I didn't know which of them was moving, the other was seated against the rocks... 

As I came closer, it became easier to discern that Maltus was pacing angrily. "So what do we do then!?" he shouted. "You've always been the thinker, the smart one - you're the one who got us this far, Jon!"

"Mal..." the slimmer one said, sighing. "There's nothing else to do. We'll have to do it... we'll have to come out and just... step out in the open," he said. "I can't- I refuse to keep this secret anymore."

My heart fluttered. Was I about to witness forbidden love, between the sons of old rivals?

"Our lives will be over, you said it," Maltus spoke. "If you're willing to do it, then I'll be right there with you. Just say the word, Jon," he paused as if for dramatic effect, "and I'll accompany you all the way. Hell, I'll even speak to the King myself."

"I cannot bear to live this lie anymore Mal," Jonathan said, as he got up to his feet. "I will reveal our fathers' corruption and plans for rebellion, and end this mad bid for power!"

Oh...

Wait! Why am I disappointed that this is actually intrigue that's actually important to the safety of my kingdom!? Get your mind out of the gutter, Noire! This isn't the time to be horny!

"So please, join me, Maltus - let's bring these crimes to light together!"

"Of course... I'll be right there with you," Maltus replied.

Well then. There was a chance that this might be a show but... I very much doubt it. If anyone is a deceiver here, it is I...

And that's why I decided to reveal myself right there, stepping around the rocky outcropping they were using for cover, only to find the two naked men, arms around each other, lips mashed together, the two large, well muscled young noblemen opening their eyes wide as saucers as they realized they'd been caught out.

I interrupted something wonderful... Well don't I feel like the villain right now.

Both of them instantly separated from each other, Maltus slipping and falling on his naked ass, splashing in the shallow shore of the river. "Y-Y-Your high-highness..!" Jonathan Bogden shouted.

Maltus Haart got up, water dripping from his lower body, including his very erect, very impressive cock. "Princess, this, this isn't what it looks like-"

I raised my hand. "You will not find in me someone who judges what you two do with each other as long as you don't hurt any of my subjects," I spoke. "Now, what is this about your parents?"

The two looked at each other.

"I do happen to have a keen interest in the safety of this kingdom, you see..." I explained, giving them a smile. "Now, why don't you two get dressed so that we may have an enlightening chat?"

There ain't no rest for the wicked.