I Reincarnated As My Waifu, What Do? (Patreon)

You know the story right?

You live a short, yet miserable life, and then you die. Work all day, work all night, find what little joy you can in what few ways you can, and try to keep up with everything life throws at you.

And you only realize that you're too tired to keep going when the Isekai Machine blares its horn and you realize you can't even lift your feet to throw yourself out of the way, and welcome the glaring headlights of death with a smile and a prayer that the poor trucker won't be traumatized by the accident you caused by being too tired and off in your own world to realize you're crossing when you shouldn't. Well... that's me, at least.

Such is life. I was yelled at until the very last day of my life, when a manager who needed someone to take his frustration out on randomly picked me from the stable of office drones, insulting and belittling me as they often did. He alone could not shatter my will, could not break me... but it'd been going on too long. Too often.

Enough that at the end of the day, I just wandered off, needing a long walk to clear my mind. And that walk took me across the street without even looking.

It didn't hurt, not even for a second. I closed my eyes and felt my lips curl up into a smile, thinking that I could finally rest.

"Wow, that's creepy."

And then I was no longer alone.

"Hey, you okay there?"

What a strange question to ask, Miss Voice. I am mostly dead.

"Fair point!" the voice said with a giggle. "Well, welcome to the foreign souls management service! You are to be reincarnated into a new administered world, hurray!"

Reincarnation?

"Exactly as it sounds like, we take your soul, and put it in new flesh! We reinsert you in carne, you could say! We'll even take your wishes and desires into acount! You could even ask for something like your old life back!"

Well isn't that a thing. I would really like to not live a life like the one I did. In fact, I don't think I want any part of my old life back.

This conversation was making me surprisingly sleepy, and it was hard to concentrate. My eyelids felt heavy, which was odd, as I have no such thing as eyelids to begin with. The voice was distant, still asking the odd question, which I tried to answer to the best of my ability. It asked what my hobbies were, which was real time strategy games, it asked what I did for a living, which was being an administrative, bottom tier management drone, and it even asked me if I preferred women or men.

I guess women? I've never been with either and I've seen some pretty cute boys too... But I guess I liked those because they looked like girls? I just like cute things really.

"No problem, we all got our preferences, I like a big burly bara myself!

Hey, no judgment from me. I see the appeal in a well shaped physique!

"Oh I think you and I are gonna get along just fine!"

You've been pretty friendly and nothing but nice and kind to me voice, I'm sure we could've been great friends.

"What about you? Any preferences? What kind of body you like?"

What kind of body? Well, I guess I've always been partial to short, stacked girls. Blondes, too. So something like that?

"Nooo problem! Easily arranged! You've been a good little soul!"

I felt a weird sensation. Like when somebody was patting your head. It felt pretty nice.

"So here's a little bonus from me, usually we offer either control of your reincarnation or a cheat skill, but just for you, I'll bend the rules just a little bit and give you both! Don't worry, I'll totally claim in the report that I took no input from you when crafting your reincarnation so it's all fine!"

What? But lying on reports is bad. It could get you in trouble, and I wouldn't want such a nice voice to get in trouble because of me.

Everything was starting to fade out, the voice becoming distant as it became harder to think, my thoughts forming sluggishly and slowly. Just stringing together words was becoming a chore.

"It's fine, it's fine. You just go and enjoy yourself, little soul, and maybe sometime in the future we can meet again and go out for drinks. My treat!"

Even hearing and interpreting the nice voice's words was starting to become difficult, and soon, I began to feel warm, and safe, and so very, very sleepy...

Eighteen years ago, an unremarkable worker bee had been squashed by a passing truck.

Eighteen years ago, Princess Noire of the Kingdom of Trom had been born, kicking and screaming and making a ruckus, and being declared a wilful and strong child.

And both of those are me.

I was the lowest tier of administration I could ever hope to be, in my life, and no matter how much I tried, how much I proved myself, I never could rise beyond that. My work had amounted to nothing, in the end, but undue punishment.

And now I find myself as the Crown Princess of an entire nation. A small one perhaps, compared to the juggernaut countries and nations of my modern world before, but a Kingdom nonetheless, that will one day be mine to guide and rule, to be responsible for. This... this is reincarnation. Even after this much time has passed, there are things that never sink in.

Two maidens join me in the baths, my handmaiden Jeannette, and a more experienced maid from the castle's staff, Yvette. Though both of them hover my age, Yvette has been in the castle staff since birth, and Jeannette was a recent hire, the daughter of father's Butler.

Jeannette was taller than me, by a fair margin. Her hair was dark and straight, and since I insisted on her caring for it with the same fervor she cared for mine, it resembled a lustrous waterfall when it moved. I was very satisfied with her work. Perhaps I could do with less comments about the size of my breasts, in comparison to hers. Really, she couldn't complain, when I needed her help to reach the tall shelves. I've had to deal with years of pranks of people just putting things on tall shelves and then laughing at my inability to reach them.

Jeannette really was my opposite number, my negative, so to speak. Tall where I was short, svelte where I am voluptuous, dark hair, eyes and skin where I am blonde, pale and green eyed. Well muscled where I couldn't get muscle to show despite daily training, no matter what I did.

Yvette, by contrast, was something of a medium between us. Of Nileian descent, she boasted richly tanned skin, and a slim physique, yet with a chest that was a nice handful and could sometimes be a nice pillow to rest your head upon. Her hair was of a soft brown hue, bleached by the sun as she primarily worked the gardens.

Jeannette was a lively girl, cheerful and frequently irreverent, she was definitely energetic and tended towards being the life of the party, someone who I could always count on to pull attention towards herself and play along with any such scheme, whereas Yvette was always respectful and spoke in an almost monotonic, soft voice that could be relaxing in and of itself. She was great to help me sleep when I could not, by telling me a bedside story, or even just inconsequential conversation.

All three of us were already in the process of getting ready to step into my baths.

My personal baths... what a strange thing to say. A large pool of natural spring water, that bubbled up from beneath the castle, that father had just... gifted to me, when he had learned that I enjoyed baths perhaps a touch more than most. It was almost gaudy and tacky, in how opulently decorated it was. In themes of red and gold, it boasted of wealth and excess. Marble floors and walls, silk, suede and the most high quality of feathers, linen cloths brought from the Nileian Kingdom down south, polished mirrors and solid gold faucets...

None but those whom I allowed could step foot in these baths, as per father's decree.

"Milady," Yvette said, curtseying as she finished disrobing, slipping on a sheer, waterproof robe to cover herself.

Jeannette had no such issues or body shame, instead merely approaching me in the nude. "Princess," she began, "take a seat."

Before I would soak in a rose petal bath, they would insist on cleansing my body themselves. No matter how many times I told them I could handle it myself, they would never relent, instead insisting that it was their duty to serve and that they couldn't live with themselves if they didn't.

Indulging them, I nevertheless admonished them that an overt dedication to work could have adverse effects. "Please do take some breaks occasionally," you asked, as you sat before a large, floor to ceiling mirror, on a waterproof wooden stool, the cushion soft and comfortable. What decadent luxury, Imused, as each of the maidens each reached for one of my arms, and began rubbing a damp, soapy washcloth on me.

Sighing as the luxurious pleasure of being pampered hit me, I relaxed myself and melted into their work, mind wandering. I really wasn't paying these two enough, whatever it was, as they expertly rubbed their washcloths all over my body, the soft fabric dispensing soapy, pleasant smelling foam as they rubbed it on my arms, and then continued by having one of them go behind, and the other in front.

Yvette gently but insistently pushed at my legs, and I let her spread them just a little. She then grabbed one of my feet and raised it off the ground. "Ahhh, the princess' feet... your nails need to be cut," she mused, as she observed my feet.

I almost blushed a bit. Perhaps I shouldn't have skipped that last pedicure appointment, which wasn't really a great thing to do considering how often you could find yourself in sandals in this overly warm kingdom of mine, but... Still, I could totally claim it was the heat of the baths and not embarrassment that had my face being flushed.

Still, she dipped her hands in a jar, containing body wash, and then used her hands to slather and rub that body wash all over my foot. My breath hitched and caught in my throat, as I tried not to giggle at the ticklish sensation.

Meanwhile, it seemed like Jeannette had brought over her own jar of liquid soapy goodness, and was now using a dipper to slather my back with it, and then rubbing it in with her cloths, her expert fingers searching for every knot of stress and overly stiff muscle, forcing groans out of me as the pleasure of the two way massage hit me, my body relaxing as Yvette's hands found the tension spots on my soles, while Jeannete's strong and skilled hands melted the knots in my back and forced my muscles to relax.

Yvette swapped to my other foot, and Jeannette moved on to my stiff shoulders. "The princess is always very tense," she whispered.

I nodded. It really was way more difficult to be at the top of the food chain than I ever thought it'd be. Father was a great military tactician, a hero who had personally led his armies to victory and secured the Kingdom against the incursions from the east and southeast, and who had forged a lasting friendship and alliance with the Nileians to the south and the Morans to the west.

But the man could not make decent economic policy to save his life - and in many ways, it could be understood, as he was a fighter, not a tactician. Unfortunately, father also was not that great a judge of character, and I'd found many a corrupt minister, and quite a few incompetents. Whether actual malice or nepotism-sponsored incompetence, I'd spent the last three years of your life rooting out the problems in father's court, and fortunately, he was heeding my words and counsel more and more. Unfortunately, it was quite difficult to lead a King to the conclusions he needed to make without making it overly apparent that there was something weird going on.

And to keep yourself away from the eyes and sights of spies and those who would seek to do you, your family or your country harm? I would say, not exactly the easiest or most pleasant of tasks!

Even a decade and a half of practice wasn't enough to be relaxed in this castle. Few would find me ever truly and fully relaxed.

That was, of course, unless you could find your way here, the innermost sanctum where I could relax at last, under the skilled hands of the maidens as their hands roamed my body. Then you could find me finally relaxed.

Yvette's hands moved on up, traveling upwards as she gently but firmly massaged my leg muscles.

Meanwhile, Jeannette was forcibly relaxing my shoulders, a tinge of pain causing me to gasp involuntarily. "My apologies, princess," Jeannette said. "You are even more tense than usual."

I nodded. "Please don't mind it," I said, sighing in pleasure as both of them resumed their work.

Yvette continued climbing, while Jeannette's hands wandered down my front, my eyes tracking her flawless dark skin as her hands slowly but surely reached their destination. I could almost feel the creases and lines of her palm with my nipples, stiff and sensitive as they were. The dark skinned woman grinned. "These are the source of your back pain, princess."

I winced. She was almost certainly correct. My body, as I looked upon myself in the mirror before me... Jeannette's hands could not cover my breasts, not in their entirety, even as she stretched her fingers. Already large, they looked humongous when compared to how short I was. My butt was no slouch either, the thick, fleshy globes that stood out whenever I wore any sort of gown sized for my height and not my body being just as soft and bouncy as the pair that Jeannette was currently fondling.

"I- I can do those myself," I protested, feeling my face flushing and not due to heat.

"No way," Jeannette said, and I could hear the smile on her voice.

"Milady, please allow us to finish," Yvette said, as her hands went past my knee and up on my thighs. "Allow your servants to service your body, so that we may earn our keep."

"But you've already done en-" my words were interrupted as I hissed in a combination of pain and a strange, forceful pleasure, as Jeannette pinched my right nipple.

"We haven't~!" Jeannette said, as she began to massage my breasts. "These need to be relaxed and massaged too," she said, her tone matter of fact, as I found myself unable to hold in my voice, as a pair of skilled, very well lubricated hands rubbed on each of my thighs in turn, while a more forceful pair was spreading lotion and oil all over my chest. "You build up toxins and acids here too," she said, then she began more forcefully and almost violently rubbing and pushing and pulling, and in general, just treating my chest like it was dough.

And all of it felt incredible, though I would say, as my toes curled, it was not helping me relax one bit.

"This part is very sensitive," Yvette said, her tone almost breaking an octave. One of her hands was on each of my thighs, and by the time I realized what was going on, she had already spread my legs more than enough to reveal my vagina, fully and openly. "I must use something softer than my hands."

My eyes widened. "What do you-"

Oh. That's what she meant.

Her soft, pink tongue, that wet, slippery and oh so distractingly incredible muscle that she had decided to use to clean my parts directly. "Y-Y-Yvette, that's dirtyyyy!"

"We're in the bath, I am bathing you," Yvette said, nodding. And for a moment, I felt as if she should have cat ears and a tail right then, for she looked like a cat that got the canary. "Now please stop squirming so that I may drink from the holiest of fountains."

"You just said something weird, she said something weird, didn't she?" I asked, turning towards Jeannette.

"I didn't hear nothing weird," Jeannete said, grinning. "But your lips look mighty tense too, perhaps I should massage those as well!"

Jeannette then placed one of her hands on my chin while the other continued to toy with my chest, and tilted my head towards her, as she approached. Her lips felt soft on mine, a strangely delicious taste filling me.

Two tongues invaded my lips, one from above and one from below, and I could do nothing but squirm pathetically in place, moaning into my handmaiden's mouth as the two women I trusted most went above and beyond in cleaning their mistress.

With my mind going fuzzy, it almost felt like a pink haze was creeping over my vision - like everything was floaty, but there was a strange feeling, like a spring was coiling up in the pit of my stomach, and the buildup was making me burn with anticipation, heat spreading all over my body. My body acted on its own, as one of my hands grasped Yvette's hair and despite how much I thought I should be telling her to stop or push her off, my body didn't listen, instead simply... pulling her further in!

My other hand reached for my abandoned breast, as the other was now Jeannette's property, and everything was going sideways.

I couldn't even think right, as every bit of me focused almost exclusively on the feelings that enveloped my body, and anticipation burned as it felt like I was reaching my limit, electricity running through my body. Fear invaded me, this felt strange, this felt weird, it- nothing like I've ever felt before. My body was shaking, and it was moving beyond my control.

My entire being trembled, and it was getting hard to concentrate, as the only thing I could think about was the heavenly feelings coming in from every direction in my body, washing away everything else and melting all my awareness and consciousness to my mouth and my vagina.

Finally, it all came to a head, and there was an instant and sudden stop of everything, feeling almost like the world paused for a moment, both maidens retreating.

"I- I can't- I can't take it anymooooreeeee!"

The coil snapped, and it felt like a dam burst somewhere within my body, and the overwhelming burst of emotion and pleasure made my mind go blank, as I found myself in a simultaneous state of bliss and distress, floating in the nether, giving me a particularly familiar, comforting yet scary feeling. As if I'd felt something like this before. I could no longer feel my body, and it was all I could do just to keep breathing.

By the time I came to, I was wrapped in two pairs of arms, and two people were whispering apologies to me, begging forgiveness, and I couldn't make heads or tails of the situation.

"Wha- what happened," I asked, gulping as I tried to slow down my breathing rhythm.

"P-Princess, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't mean to, it's just, you're so cute, and beautiful, and, and-"

Jeannette's voice was panicky.

Yvette's voice had audible emotion in it, which was quite a shocker. "Milady, please, take whatever punishment you must, any but dismissal, I beg you!"

My arms were almost automatic in how they wrapped around the two sobbing maidens and pressed them against my body. "That... that was scary, but, exciting," I said. "I'm sorry if I scared you!"

The two of them looked perplexed. "Milady, you... you didn't scare us, we scared you!"

Jeannette nodded at Yvette's words. "We're... we're sorry, we didn't know," she said. "We thought..."

"You thought what?" I asked, confused. "Oh. Wait. I think I understand... was that an orgasm?"

An orgasm?

I'd... huh.

I've heard of them. I've seen them. I've seen the odd porn video in my life. That's the thing men do when they spurt their semen all over, right? I've...

"I've never orgasmed before," I said, as I realized.

Not just in this life, but... if that's what it was, I'd never felt anything like that before in my life.

Both of them looked horrified. "Never?"

You nodded. "Never."

Not in a total of forty years of life over your combined lifetimes... You were certain you'd remember such an incredible sensation.

The two maidens looked at each other, and they each said "Okay," as they turned towards you. Jeannette then gave you a serious face, almost a full on war face. "We're going to remedy this, princess, and teach you all about orgasms!"

"By the time we are done, milady will never again be scared by her own orgasms, no matter how hard she cums!"

The sound of Yvette's voice filled with determination, in turn, almost filled you with dread.

What had you gotten yourself into?