September 2022 - $1 Apology Email (Patreon)

Hello [YOUR NAME],

This month, we were very protective of your $1 bill, so we hid it in a very secure location, which is… wait, where did we hide it? We’ve got to be honest with you, this isn’t related to work or your dollar, but we were recently corned in a cobblestone alleyway by a poshly dressed group of 6th graders wielding croquet mallets and beaten senselessly. Well, perhaps there was sense in their madness, we really don’t remember it, or much else that happened within the 48 hour span.

Anyways, we’re on the hunt for your $1 bill in our probably awesome hiding spot. But for now, we’ve debited your card on file for another $1 in order to get a croquet mallet of our own (not for revenge, just to fit in).

Thanks and have a great [INSERT UNIT OF TIME].