November 2021 - $1 Tier Apology Email (Patreon)

Hey [YOUR NAME],

Greetings and a very happy National Package Protection Day!

Thanks so much again for the dollar you loaned us this month. We were going to fax it back to you but just had one eensy teensy hiccup. We were at the office and the guys were recording another episode of your favorite show (Judge Judy). We said we were going to the store and asked Dan if he wanted anything and he said he wanted Sour Skittles. But he didn’t have any cash and said he’d pay us back. So we used your $1 to buy him some sweet sweet Sour Skittles, and brought them back to Dan. But when we brought Dan the sweet little treat he touched the tip of his tongue to one and immediately recoiled. He told us that they were ‘too spicy.’ We told him that they couldn’t possibly be spicy, because we taste tested each individual skittle. But he wouldn’t relent and kept insisting they were way, way too spicy. I mean, what the heck can we even do here?

So basically Dan wouldn’t pay us back for the dollar we used on his snack because he told us that we ‘got him the wrong flavor of Sour Skittles or that we must’ve dipped each one in Ghost Pepper Sauce.’ Maybe his taste buds are broken.

Anyways, we’ve debited your card on file for another dollar as we embark on a quest to find non-spicy Skittles. If you have any ideas on where they can be located, please give us a call immediately. Our landline phone number is 6.

Thanks and we hope your [UPCOMING PERSONAL EVENT] goes swimmingly.