Drinkin' my water (Patreon)

Haha, so remember how I said Matt and I had a big Thing just come through and we'd have to pull some crazy hours to get everything done on time? I expected I'd have a bit of a mental health crash from it, but I forgot that getting physically sick is also a thing my body does when I'm pushed as hard as I can go. On the upside, we got the most immediate of the deadlines done, so woo! On the downside, the last couple weeks in my brain have been not-the-best and then I came down hard with a cold on Monday which took me out of commission until today.

It's ok! I'm ok!

I'm very aware that this is all super temporary discomfort and there is a hard countdown until it's over, which makes it livable. Next Friday I'm getting on a plane to Toronto, Canada* for TCAF that weekend and then I'm flying over with Lucy "Boats" Bellwood to Vancouver for a week where I'll be staying with friends until VanCaf. 

*I should.... I should probably tell the internet I'll be at these two conventions. Adding that to my To Do list. Right after Declare Email Bankruptcy Again and Write Those Insightful/Totes Brilliant Patreon Posts I've Been Meaning to for the Last Several Months.

So yeah, here it is Friday and I've just finished drawing the first page of Tuesday's five page comic. I've just gotta work through this weekend, get those four pages done, and then... then I can breath again. Well, for a week anyway. When I get back I've gotta hit the ground running in order to meet those other Big Deal Deadlines. Sorry, I know that's obnoxious to walk around cooing "IiiIIiiiiIIiii've got a seeEEeeEEeecret, BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU YET." I'll be able to tell you next week! Monday, even! Promise. 

Every day at my studio I'm surrounded by hard core workaholics, people who are so disciplined and driven and self-motivated. People who work crazy hours daily and work through the weekend regularly. And then there's delicate flower me, who completely falls apart if I have to break from my 9-5pm schedule. It's frustrating. Really frustrating.

I look like a "normal" person, like I should be able to rise to the occasion like other "normal" people, and the reality is that I've got a brain that's a lot more fragile than "normal" people have. I've got a mental illness that I can keep in check as long as I follow my very set routines and medications and therapies, and don't get me wrong, I'm so, so, so grateful that at 32 I've finally found how to mostly remain functional for the longest amount of time that I'm capable of, but I just... I wish I weren't crazy.

I wish I could trust my brain, my thoughts. Every day I scrutinize my every thought, every feeling, gauging where it falls on my Crazy Person Meter. Is this thought just me being a bit eccentric, a bit quirky and artistic? Is this thought a sign that I need to check in with my shrink again? Is this feeling a moment of uncertainty that everyone experiences? Is this feeling the first step before life gets really bad and I can't be a functional person again?  

Anyway, anyway. I'm doing alright right now, don't worry! And in a week I'll be able to relax and see friends and pretend I'm Canadian which is like pretending I'm the citizen of a country that isn't faced with the prospect of a President Trump.

Whoah, woops, don't get political, Erika. Errrr... oh! The attached illustration is my favorite thing I drew today for next week's comic! I think it's really pretty and sweet.

Okay, sweethearts! I'm gunna have dinner. Any of you guys gunna be at TCAF or VanCaf?

OH! PS! If you're a Portlander, Oh Joy Sex Toy is a finalist for Willamette Week's Best of Portland poll in the Media/Personality: Best Local Blog category! I'm just... I'm just sayin'. ::cough:: Okay, I'm for reals done now.

Erika