Thank You (Patreon)

Thank you. 

Thank you for being here, for supporting my work, for supporting... me. 

I'm trying to write something that explains what your support has enabled me to do, how I've used the money from your patronage to create a sustainable micro comics company that, in turn, pays dozens and dozens  more cartoonists to make their own comics on a subject that is being progressively erased and de-monetized online. But. You know. I've said it before and so many other creators on here have already said it better. 

Patreon is my most stable form of income. It's the pillar that supports... everything, really. Everything in my world, I mean. It's $1 or $5 or $10 to my patrons, and to me it's my house payment, my groceries, my medical insurance, my ever-increasing psychiatric care, and, y'know, my fun times too. You can't live without some fun times! Or, I mean, you can, but it ain't pretty. Why am I saying that, how is that relevant. 

Patreon launched shortly after Oh Joy Sex Toy debuted. I thought maybe it would earn me some pizza money for a bit, like how every now and then I'd get an unsolicited PayPal donation. Instead it's just... changed everything. Well. Patreon is the distribution method. It's you folks who showed up, you're the ones who made the change. It's humbling and, honestly, I become overwhelmed when I think about it, it's a massive responsibility and I don't want to let anyone down. Ironically, I find myself avoiding updating here because I don't think my non-OJST stuff is... good enough? Worthy enough? I don't want to annoy or disappoint the people who literally support my life. Which: I KNOW, I KNOW, is not logic that stands up to any form of scrutiny and I'm not seeking anyway to reassure me-- which, actually, is another thing. The reassurance. The comfort. The vulnerability that my patrons share with me. It is so much open-hearted kindness and, again, I'm humbled by it and also so afraid to tarnish it, to let you down by responding with my clumsy, ugly replies. 

I'm sorry I don't reply to my letters and the comments that are left for me here. People write me such thoughtful, empathic, insightful things and I just... I don't feel like I deserve it. I'm afraid if I engage, I'll burst the soap bubble of the image that people think I am. I'm afraid I'll let them down, I'll make them angry for not being the person they think I should be. 

God, where did this go. This was supposed to be a thank you. 

It's a thank you and an apology. 

Thank you for giving me a financially stable life and I'm sorry I don't do more for you. 

I want to.

Do more, I mean. 

Matt and I have a break from work coming up in December and we're going to start restructuring our work. Because, I dunno if you noticed or not, but I  have not been in good shape for a while now. We love what we do, we love making comics together, we love providing helpful information to people, but the way we've been working just isn't sustainable any more. We're going to figure out how to do what we do but without my health bearing such a heavy burden. 

We're going to change some things. 

We don't know exactly what or how yet. 

But... change. 

Something's gotta change.

 And we won't be able to do it without the support of our patrons. 

Oh! And all this... I mean, if you need to end your pledge at any time, that is ok!!! We'll be ok! Sometimes people write me letters to apologize for ending their pledge and honey, oh honey, that is so not necessary! 

Anybody who has spent any amount of money over any amount of time is a goddamn hero-saint in my eyes! If you spent $1 over 1 month, I appreciate you so much. Really, I genuinely do. I absolutely do not expect people to remain a patron in perpetuity once they pledge to my account. I mean, don't get me wrong, those of you that have been here for a year or two or six, haha, uhm, I owe all of you expensive drinks and fancy hats. Like. Now I'm back at the humbled and feeling undeserving thing. (Which, again, is not a prompt to solicit reassurances!)

Ok, Ok. 

Listen. 

I just want to say

Thank you.

Thank you  for everything.

I'll keep you updated on changes. 

Thanks for being here, however long that is.

Thank you.