A Little Improvisation (Patreon)

On Christmas Day, Matt asked what ornament I had made for our tree this year, since I‘ve made a new one each December, starting when we moved into our house five years ago. It’s a fun little tradition for me, a way to wrap up another year with some love and craft and there’s something so satisfying to me about having a physical object to represent milestones and the passage of time. The years blur together but 2014 is the time I started with the store-bought wooden snowflake that I tied a string on, and then every year after has been a painting of a vegetable wreath. 2015 was the broccoli, 2016 the beets, 2017 the Brussels Sprouts. They’re all roughly the same size, with the year and the names of our micro family (Matt and Flapjack and me) written on the back of each one. When the tree comes down I gather all my pretty little ornaments into their specially decorated box and I hold this collection of years in my hands.

I didn’t paint a vegetable wreath ornament this month. I’m not doing so well. What else is new, right? Learn a new song, Erika. (I’m not fishing for supportive messages, just reporting on the state of things. I have a good network, I’m fine, I’m fine, except for the parts where I’m not, but otherwise I’m fine.)

Without missing a beat, Matt pointed out that I’ve made some beautiful paper flowers recently that would be perfect ornaments for our tree this year. Would you look at that, they fit in there perfectly, as if I’d made them specifically for this role.

There’s something to be said about... about... about failing because of your deficiencies but still succeeding through a little creative improvisation. I couldn’t participate in my tradition the way it’s “supposed” to be performed: these flowers are the wrong shape, I can’t write the year and names on them, they won’t fit in my box, they can’t be part of the collection. But I made them, I made them with love, and there they are on the tree now, filling in those empty spots perfectly. 

I’m failing right now. I’m drowning. But look at my tree. Look at my ornaments. I made those. I did that. I did that. I’ll find a way to succeed unconventionally with the support and insight of my loved ones.

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