GRANDORA: Chapter 9: Will (Patreon)

Author’s note: Hey guys.

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This one chapter - well, gave me a hard time. More on that at the end of the chapter, though.

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Enjoy the chapter!

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Chapter 9: Will - Link: https://www.patreon.com/posts/98934901

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Chapter 9: Will

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»The MIGHT may not be what YOU think, child of mine.«

How could Ferracore know what I was thinking when I myself had no idea how to describe his might other than the crushing presence twisting my body, the foggy haze inside me? The only explanation I could pull out of my ass? Human’s general view of it, passed down through Vetrifyr’s memories.

Whatever the case, it didn’t bring me any closer to figuring out what might actually be. No surprise. Only those who mastered the might could reach its secrets. Someone like the priests and the Grand Guardians. Certainly not me - an ordinary slave girl. Well, former slave girl.

“So what is it?” I braved the question, fearing I might not like the answer.

»My WORDS did not get through TO you after all,« the Grand Beast grumbled, dissatisfied. “It is MY will, the manifestation OF it.«

“Will?”

»My WILL to live,« Ferracore clarified.

Hearing that, things suddenly clicked together. “That’s what you said when we first met. That you were fascinated by my will to live.”

»Indeed, I was . . . AND still am.«

“Wait. Does that mean I have a might of my own?” It was a ridiculous thought, yet . . . .Was it possible?

»No,« Ferracore laughed - not sneering at me, just amused by the idea. »NOT in the WAY you think. You HAVE a will strong enough TO resist mine.«

“Ah - ah, I see.”

»Think of MY might, though, MORE as pure will, CHILD of mine.«

“Why?” I asked when he didn’t continue to explain.

»Because you CAN give it a purpose,« he said, as if it were obvious. And indeed, now that I’d heard it, it was.

“That’s what your might wants - er, your will . . . the will to . . . to . . . ”

» . . . TO do whatever YOU nudge it to do.«

My mind raced with possibilities. “Like the will to melt stone on my tongue and turn it into food?”

»Correct, child OF mine.«

“My eyesight?”

»Indeed. THE will to SEE.«

Shit! That was . . . astonishing, and not all that terrible. So why did those in the know think it was a secret to be kept to themselves? The answer was not hard to find. Because it would make it easier for everyone to use the might; it would make them less powerful. Or was there more to it?

“How does Vetrifyr’s blue flame fit in, Ferracore?”

»How ELSE? You impart TO my will the desire to SHAPE itself into a BLUE flame.«

“Just like that?” It sounded so simple. Yet I had such a hard time conjuring just a spark of flame. Why? What was I missing?

»GOOD, you see. The form OF the flame is meaningless WITHOUT the will to do . . . what, CHILD of mine?«

“Freeze. The blue flames, they are - were cold.”

»Therefore, IT would be the WILL to cool through THE flames, something MY will was NEVER meant to be - and never WILL be.«

Hold your horses! Did I just waste the last few days trying to do the impossible? I mean, seriously, what in the name of the Grand Beasts have I been trying to achieve? “To control the might outside my body,” I muttered to myself, clenching my fists and gnawing at my lip to keep from saying something I’d regret. “But you said I could conjure the blue flame - if I learn to control your might within my body.”

»True.«

“W-was that a lie?” A daring question, for sure. But I had to know.

»Anyone CAN learn to swim, child of MINE. Human, wolf, EVEN duck. That does NOT mean their swimming will BE the same.«

“It never will.”

»Indeed,« Ferracore hummed in agreement, seemingly pleased that I had finally grasped what he was trying to tell me. What I sought to conjure were the flames of my childhood, a bright blue blaze that chilled to the bone. Ferracore’s essence could never mimic that, but I could bend it, shape it into flames.

“Do you know what flames your will could create?”

»I do NOT.«

A swift reply, no hesitation whatsoever, left me gaping like a fish out of water. The Grand Beast, armed with the wisdom of his ancestors, was unaware of something? Moreover, about his own might? How on Grandora was I, a mere human gal, supposed to pull off what the Grand Beast himself considered - well, impossible?

»You BEING human is what allows you TO do just that,« Ferracore said, as I voiced my thoughts. »I AM what I am, AND you are what YOU are. My will IS mine, and YOURS is yours.«

“I don’t understand.” Whatever wisdom there was in his words eluded me.

»I WAS born as I am, and to TRY to achieve WHAT I am not would SHATTER my will, child of mine. My WILL is what makes me, AND I am what MAKES my will. It CANNOT be changed. The same is TRUE for you.«

While it was a challenge to piece together the meaning of the Ancient tongue pressing on my mind, I understood that Ferracore could not go beyond what he was, or it would be to deny his own existence. What I didn’t understand was how the same could be said for me. I was not some Grand Beast whose will shaped the world. If anything, I was the one shaped by it, struggling against and basking in the leftovers of others’ might.

»Your WILL is what makes YOU. It cannot BE changed. Lose YOUR will to live and you KNOW what happens, child of MINE.«

“Your will consumes me.

»Indeed. MIND, your will may not BE strong enough to BAR mine from entering your BODY, but it is my WILL you shape, while yours MUST remain intact.«

“And I am allowed to shape it as I please? I mean - within the limits of what your will can be.”

»WITHIN the limits WE spoke of,« Ferracore said with a nod.

“So I can shape it into a flame, but you cannot.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I could see how stupidly obvious what I was saying was. Sometimes, though, it helped to say things out loud, to hear them with my own ear instead of thinking them over in my head. “But it’s not free.”

»Everything in THIS world has a price, CHILD of mine. Even though it MAY not seem so to YOU, the world is governed BY a balance. Break IT and you will PAY the consequences.«

“Consequences?” I murmured, something breaking inside me. “Was it this balance that killed Vetrifyr? What about the fall of Foxkin? What did my family ever do to deserve death? What did I ever do to suffer so much? Tell me - Ferracore! Because I have no fucking idea . . . !”

The entire cave shook with the Grand Beast’s disapproval, little tiny yellow crystals falling to the ground like rain, and I did the same, my head hitting the ground as I realized what my grief had made me do.

“I . . . I am so-so sorry, Ferracore,” I said hastily, falling to my knees. “I n-never should have taken my grief out on you.”

»Indeed. YOU should not. But neither SHOULD you have to pay the PRICE for someone else, child of mine. Alas, SUCH is life.«

His words dripped with bitter truth, coating my soul with a mixture of relief and grim understanding. In this world, injustice flowed like a cursed river, where the powerless bore the weight of those with power. Slaves toiled under the lash of their masters and suffered the consequences when fortune turned sour. Heck, the use of Ether Gems was a prime example. Those who wielded them were not the ones shackled by their power; it was the unfortunate souls burdened with their might. So apparently Foxkin just paid the price for someone else.

Wait!

“F-Ferracore?” Wh-who did Foxkin pay the price for?" He told me that he had no idea how Frostflame had died, that the memories of the previous Grand Beast’s death were something the newborn didn’t inherit, as it would be too much for it. But now he was bluntly claiming that Foxkin had paid the price for someone else? Was he lying to me then? Well, I didn’t think so. As far as I could tell, he hadn’t lied to me yet. A new memory then? It was possible that as he digested more inherited memories . . .

»I DO not know, child of mine,« Ferracore said before my thoughts could turn to pointless hope. To be fair, even if he told me who, if anyone, was behind Grand Fox’s death, there was nothing I could do with that information.

“I see,” I said, unable to keep the disappointment from creeping into my voice.

»WHAT I do know, however, IS that we do NOT die of old age LIKE you humans.«

My heartbeat quickened, and I broke into a cold sweat at the thought. In other words, the Grand Beasts were eternal, meaning only one thing - someone or something had surely killed the Grand Fox. I and the other Foxkins had been wondering about it for years, but it was always just a guess. No one really knew what had happened. And if anyone did, they kept quiet or ended up dead like Frostflame - just another speculation. Not anymore, though. Ferracore himself basically confirmed what all of Foxkin had been whispering about.

»REST your heart, CHILD of mine,« Ferracore growled, his voice snapping me out of my raging thoughts. »The PAST is something that HAS shaped us, but we cannot TOUCH; we shape the present IN the hope of the FUTURE.«

More ancient wisdom! Was he serious?

“How can you not care?!” was already on the tip of my tongue, but before I could shout it out, my anger faded. The Grand Beast was right. It was the present that mattered - and the hope for tomorrow. The future in which I hoped no one would ever have to go through what I had.

“You are not allowed to die, Ferracore,” I said, surprising myself at how softly I spoke.

More shockingly, the Grand Beast responded in kind. »I do NOT intend to, child of MINE.«

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***

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The walk back to the Ether Crystal cave was silent. Ferracore seemed to have said everything he thought I needed to hear. And honestly, I probably did. There was so much to get my head around - and I did my best to do just that.

But despite the itch to dive into the training with the might, for once I took my time and just enjoyed being - well, still alive and under the care of a Grand Beast.

It wasn’t until I got hungry that I put what I’d learned to the test. Nothing too fancy. First came the observation of what the might was doing in my body while I ate a stone. Yes, I’ve done this many times. But for the first time, I didn’t see the might as just something dangerous in my body, looking for a hint of weakness in me so it could strike and twist me. The might was proof of Ferracore’s will to live, his cry to the world, not done with some malicious purpose to change everything in his image.

At least that was the feeling I got from Ferracore.

The will, naturally, yearned to return to its owner’s body - a seemingly impossible task, since the Grand Beasts were like springs overflowing with might. More or less, it was the yearning to return to the original body that made the will, the might, so dangerous, shaping the bodies of those in which it was stuck in the image of its owner, to whom it could not return.

A slip of my will, of my defenses, too much of Ferracore’s might, and I could lose my humanity. That still held true, and I wasn’t blind to it.

Nevertheless, as I watched the might in my body melt the stones and then aid in theirs digestion, I could actually see the truth of Ferracore’s words; that it wasn’t something that required an iron grip. My body gave that will a purpose it sought, and it did what it was meant to do. It was that simple.

What eluded me, however, was how my body gave purpose to the will. It certainly wasn’t through imagination, my way of doing things. Or was it a case of my body having a will of its own? A dumb saying that sparked an idea. I ate some more, looking for a hint of proof for my assumption.

The beast, my hunger, was eventually quelled, not so much my yearning for answers. Annoying? Absolutely - and terrifying at the same time.

It left me no choice but to find out for myself if my will was the way to master Ferracor’s in my body, if pushing one through the other would lead to the result I hoped for or to my doom.

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***

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However, knowing what I wanted to do was one thing; finding the guts to do it was another.

It took me a while, and it was only when fatigue set in that I found the courage to try. Not at my best, I placed a small stone on the tip of my stretched out tongue and urged my might - my will only for now, not Ferracor’s - to melt it. At first, the might within me stayed still. Or rather, I assumed that I didn’t notice its movement. My might - tiny as it was - was beyond my perception, overshadowed by the giant inside my body. After a few heartbeats, however, Ferracore’s might swirled in patterns through my tongue, as it always did, and the stone melted away.

“It worked,” I gasped in disbelief, licking my lime-smeared lips. “It fucking WORKED!”

Immediately after my shout of joy, I froze and looked behind me. Ferracore tended to show up at times like this, as if he could sense my triumphs coming, or when I needed his wisdom the most. Yet this time I found the cave empty. He had deemed his presence unnecessary.

Reassuring? Sure - it meant I was on the right track. But a hug, or at least a pat on the back, would be so nice. Not that I could ask the Grand Beast for that. In fact, such a hug could kill me. But to hear “You did well, Eirly’ore,” from someone other than me would mean a lot to me.

“Okay, back to work,” I urged myself after waiting a moment to see if Ferracore would show up after all. There was no point in moping over the Grand Beast’s actions when he had already given me so much to think about.

Yet, when the time came and fatigue caught up with me, I lay down to sleep without even attempting to conjure the Blue Flames. For all the strides I had made in the right direction, taking that leap would push my limits too far and threaten to cause me to make a mistake.

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***

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My dreams were once again filled with blue flames. This time, however, I didn’t wake up screaming and drenched in sweat from head to toe, for along with the nightmares came hope. Not quite sure where it stemmed from. All I could say was that in my heart I felt a future that I didn’t have to dread.

With breakfast, I immediately set about practicing my new way of controlling the might in my body, toying with an idea I hadn’t indulged in yesterday. While controlling the might by urging, my will was a step in the right direction - or so it felt - it wasn’t so different from letting my body do the work. What I needed was what Ferracore said to do, and that was to give purpose to his will in my body, not mine. My will was there to protect me from the consequences of using his.

Thus, stifling my eagerness to set about conjuring the blue flames once more, I took another deep breath, placed a piece of limestone in my mouth, and in the same way that I had given purpose to my will the night before, I did my best to pass on the same to Ferracore’s might.

A heartbeat echoed through my body, followed by a second, and annoyingly - nothing. The limestone sat there, solid as ever. A full breath later, then a second, and I knew - I failed.

Another attempt. Another failure.

Imparting a purpose to the other’s will proved to be more difficult than doing the same with one’s own.

Giving up, however, was not in my nature. If it were, my body would be rotting in the pits of the mine. Instead, I sat on my ass in a limestone cave somewhere deep underground, doing my damnedest to learn how to use the might of the youngest Grand Beast.

And perhaps that was the mistake. Not that I wanted to use it - though that was food for thought, too - but that I thought of it as something that did not belong to me. Easier said than done, of course. After all, the might of the Grand Beasts had been something intrusive to me all my life - a thing that had no business being in my body.

“Come on, you can do it, Eirlys’ore,” I whispered to boost my confidence, doing my best to banish thoughts of years of hardship under the pressure of the Grand Fox. It wasn’t just those I had. Some were nice, like playing with blue flames with my sister and friends. Did they help me accept the might, though? Well, in a way, the result of my renewed attempt to give the might its purpose spoke for itself. The taste of freshly baked bread spread through my mouth.

“Yes!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as soon as I swallowed the mouthful. “Fuck yes!”

I did it! I had imparted a purpose to Ferracor’s might, something I never thought possible. And when I did, it seemed so easy - too easy, in fact. I froze, a shiver running down my spine. What was the price? In a hurry, I checked every inch of my body. But to my relief and contrary to my fears, I found no changes, not even minor ones.

The price for using the might must be so low that my will had no difficulty protecting my body. Undoubtedly, the result of my not trying to control the might with an iron grip, but treating it as if it were my own.

“No reason to put it off,” I said, having built up my confidence with each mouthful until I was full. No, it wasn’t the turn to conjure the blue flames, not yet. It was time for the task Ferracore had given me in the first place.

Strange as it was, I picked up a big chunk of limestone and licked it, drawing on everything I’d learned so far.

Under my tongue, it melted as if I were licking ice cream - bread flavor.

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Author’s note:

So, yeah - I kind of struggled with this chapter. A lot. It was quite frustrating and to be honest, I feel like I'm repeating the same thing over and over again, wading through a quagmire and the story isn't going anywhere. When I started writing this story, I thought it would be elsewhere by now - although that may be because I'm writing two at the same time. Maybe I should have introduced other characters earlier. So many doubts jumped out at me with this chapter.

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BUT, I'm aware that it may just be frustration with this chapter and my self-criticism kicking in, so I'd be interested in how you see it. Do you enjoy the story or do you find it boring?

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