double feature friday this week :) (Patreon)

hiya loves ♡

i've come down with something (i think it's just a cold, i'm very careful) so i'll be posting 2 patreon vids this friday night to give myself a few more days to recover. unless you want blowing nose and sneezing asmr. lol.

also, i know it's not a terribly sexy subject, but i've been wanting to share something. i haven't been managing my mental health well these days. as in, the tenuous balance i was maintaining pre-move got absolutely demolished post-move. the good news is that therapy is a lot more accessible in my new state so I have begun the intake process. :) i think it will help me deal with some of the negative memories that got kicked up in the move.

even if y'all haven't noticed (although i'm sure some of u very observant people have), i know that it's affecting my ability to make content. i'm having trouble staying coherent on camera, i'm not sticking to my YT video schedule, i have been horrendous about answering my DMs (i'm very sorry, my anxiety is overwhelming me), i haven't used my twitter acct in months, etc. it kind of feels like a lie in a way, because i'm posting my content like usual and the version of me that's on screen is smiling but IRL mel kind of looks like a zombie rn haha. 

i just feel kind of...dull...lately. and there's no shame in admitting when you're struggling. it usually helps me a bit to acknowledge that things are hard, and quit pretending like i'm a robot :P i don't often talk about my personal mental health because 1) people online can be very cruel, 2) i see people with similar conditions as me being fetishized and that makes me feel weird 3) i'm not ready to be that vulnerable. but i struggle with my mental health daily and it's okay if you do, too. ♡

i think a lot of us found ASMR because we had been through hardships or felt very sad emotions, so i believe that my patrons will understand my meanings here and why i wanted to share with y'all :) if i can help myself to a better place mentally, i can do a better job for all of you. so don't worry , i'll keep fighting ~

i will see you on friday!!! whew, i do feel a little better getting all that off my chest :,) be back soon. love love love you.

mel