Package links and recordings, as well as a word! (Patreon)

Hello everyone! I think I have finally resolved the Dropbox issue involving the package and recordings links. They have all been updated, and if my account gets suspended once more I will find an alternative means.

I also want to touch upon something that has been going on in my life lately. Actually, for quite a while now, my life has been an unpredictable state of confusion, numbness, and paralysis. 2020 and the entirety of this year has been at times an excruciating challenge for my family and I. I have been faced with events and questions I never considered prior, and adjusting to these growing pains has been a full-time effort. 

While I believe these experiences have helped mold me into a better, more mature person, I feel more lost, alone, and uncertain than ever.  A good chunk of the reason behind not operating a patreon, and stepping away from Crown's Reverie for a year was because I just stopped enjoying my life, and explicitly art. Art was always the thing that I would turn to when things were hard, or even when times were good. Drawing has always been my favourite thing to do, and I want to believe it still is. 

What I'm about to share is a bad habit I began tending many years ago, when I was at my most vulnerable and insecure point in my life, and it's something that was only made worse by recent experiences. When I was low, I began chasing highs with my art, with ideas and concepts. What this basically resulted in was procrastination, and countless gigabytes of WIP's and unfinished artwork. When one piece became too technical, I was unsure about something, or something in my life happened that hurt or upset me, I would start something new, hoping that by doing so I would "ignite" myself, and help me find the motivation and energy to complete tasks, or even just to go outside my apartment.

Well needless to say, I have yet to overcome this, only now it's worse than ever. Its worse because over the last year I have taken so many efforts to numb myself from the feelings of inadequacies, guilt and fear I hold concerning my ability to live a happy, successful and stable life, all of which art plays a heavy role in, that I no longer can feel enjoyment with art.

This, coupled with the amount of disruption, lack of privacy, and responsibilities I maintain while living at home with my parents (If you've been to my streams you know how often I am removed from my work) makes the creative process at times impossible. Especially when I am desperate for finding a way out and leave.

I look around at my peers, fellow creators and artists I admire. At a glance, so many seem to have this down to a science, producing, producing, producing with seemingly no breaks or drought of creative energy.  I see them and I am abundantly aware of how I measure up in comparison. I'm reminded of it very frequently through DM's and private messages. I often ignore these messages because they make me feel incredibly awkward. 

I'm making this post because I think that if I was younger, or starting an art career of any variety, I would want someone to be real with me about their struggles with it. Every artist and person has struggles, even the ones I mentioned previously that seem unstoppable. I also don't believe there is a definitive way to operate something like a patreon, online store, create a portfolio, or do anything with something as subjective and personal as art as an individual's source of income.

I have heard you, and I know people are excited about the things I am working on, D-Bag, Jojo, Cap, Princess, etc. I am excited too, I am just having a very difficult time finding the agency to keep myself focused, but I am trying. 

I'll close with something I mentioned at a recent stream, when I say "Thank you for your support," what I am acknowledging is the fact that you believe in my artistic voice and expression, and I'm hoping you support me because you want to see more of it. I know the consumption of NSFW art can be all about the end product for many, and this is completely valid, but for me, it's all about the process, and the support of you all, has given me the ability to enjoy that process, and to grow and experiment in ways with my art that I never would have been able to do had I not opened a Patreon. I want to make this work, and I know I'm cut out for it, all I ask is that you be patient as I seek the help I need, and be kind to me as I find the strength to hone my focus.

Thank you to all that read this, I know it may seem sort of out there for me to post, but I felt I just had to express this finally. And if anyone has any sort of material or advice they think would be helpful to me, please reach out.

Thank you, always, for your support and understanding!