Imago Ch8: What We Take with Us (Patreon)

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"You two have fun, yeah?" 

The cabbie’s car idles as he calls out after the young couple. They’re nice, if a bit typical. Just another pair of early twenty-somethings out to see the city.  

They wave back, and the door closes.  Shifting into gear, the cabbie slips back into the clamouring stream of London’s downtown traffic, already forgetting their faces as they fade under the cloudless red sunset. 


+++


“Look at me! Look at you! Look at us!”

L dances back and forth in front of a reflective window, spinning on her heel to check her back in the reflection.  “Look! Check it out!” 

Ian laughs as he walks up behind her. He's dressed sharply, and although he hasn’t said it, the twinkle in his eye gives away just how happy he is to wear his leather jacket again.  "Well, hello there, fellow human."

She sticks her tongue out at him, then stands full on to take in her appearance, brushing back a lock of dark hair.  She’s wearing a cheerful yellow dress and jean jacket, a pair of sunny pumps and a new glamour circling her wrist. But most importantly, her face. The shy smile is the same as always, but with her black hair and soft brown eyes…

It’d be like looking into the past, if she had been a girl then. 

“Do you think anyone can tell?" She asks, reflexively stepping out of the way of hurrying pedestrians. Ian quirks an eyebrow. 

“What, that you’re a giant bug nerd?”

“Hah, not that. That's bleedin obvious.” 

Traffic picks up, and a car rattles past a little too close to the walkway. The wind and nearness of iron forces a shiver out of her.  L leans closer to Ian, her hand cautiously finding his palm. 

“Is this OK?”  She asks, a hint of a waver in her voice.

“It’s grand.” He grins, squeezing, and she smiles. It all feels so new. Exciting. They’re walking about holding hands. She catches the eye of an older couple walking by, waving to them on impulse, and she doesn’t even care that they look confused. They wave back anyway. She’s happy. 

“I’m a little surprised you didn’t go full boy mode.” 

 The question snaps her into the present, and she tilts her head quizzically at Ian. He shrugs. “You know. For the glamour. If you’re going L one point oh, why not go all the way?”  

A flash of a memory, that first night after the change. Asking Ian about hitting the pub.  His reservation. Worrying that he didn’t like her, now that she was different. His reassurances that it wasn’t about that… 

“I… don’t know. It’s kind of fun ‘passing for human’ on little outings like this, but…”

“But you don’t want me fallin’ for someone you aren’t anymore, yeah?”  She nods, apologetically. Ian smiles, shaking his head. “L, you’re lush. Bang on beautiful.”

L feels her face go red as she looks away self-consciously. “So where is this place you’re taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”  

“What is with you and your mysteries…!” Her cheeks puff out playfully, and she jabs a finger at the bag slung over Ian’s shoulder. “That’s why you said I couldn’t look in that ruddy rucksack.”  

Ian dodges to keep her from making contact.  “Nice try, sneaky.”  He grins.  “Don’t fairies like surprises?”

It catches her off guard, and a pang of some unmentioned something crawls through her. L crosses her arms over her chest, and Ian turns his grin up a few notches. 
“Ah cahmon, allow it.”

“...fine.” L gives him back a smirk, stepping in close again.  “Only because you look good in that jacket.”

She glances sidelong at him, trying to catch his reaction.  He’s looking the other way, seemingly checking directions…but she can still see his expression in the windowglass.

L allows herself a delighted little wriggle as she takes his hand again.




"This is about that day you walked in on me practising. Isn't it."

Ian rocks happily on the red leather couch, the service girl running to check if the room is ready.  Behind the counter is a graffitied brick wall, a mounted phone, and a neon lit sign of the Karaoke bar’s logo.

Even without her wings, she feels like she’s fluttering around Ian, trying to catch his eyes. He keeps looking in every other direction.

“Just trying to engage with your interests!”

“You’re the worst.”  She grabs him by the face, squeezing his cheeks between her hands and forcing him to look at her.  “Terrible!  A total goblin.”

“Vee vork for a hoblin!”  Ian protests. L scoffs, releasing him.

“And?”  L releases him.  “You’ve met him!”

“Awww, come on, L. It’s our first date. Give my ideas some credit.”

L looks over at him, her eyes sparkling.  Ian raises an eyebrow, this time a little more anxiously.   “What?”

“I know.” 

Ian rolls his eyes.  “Know what?”  

“About the turnips.”

Ian freezes.  “You don’t.”

“I DO!”

Ian jumps to his feet, scandalised. “Trystan swore to secrecy!”

“And you weren’t even going to cook them!”  L cackles, her eyes dancing with mischief.  “What did you think I was going to do?  Keep them in a vase?”

"Mate, you should have seen them! They lit up and everything. Just the thing for the discerning moth." Ian waves away the embarrassment. "Neith II liked them. She kept trying to sneak bites."

"Neith II would sneak bites out of your socks." L sniffs, then pauses. "They lit up?"

"They DID!" Ian says. “We should get some fresh at Market, give you a look. You won't believe how good they taste.”

“Ian Evans?”  The two jump a little, turning to see that the girl has returned.   “Your room is ready!  The rest of your party is already here.”

“The rest of the - “ L squeaks. Ian ignores her, catching her wrist to prevent another jab.

“Thanks!” He calls over his shoulder, leading her down the hall. The girl is already back on her phone. 

“Who’s the rest of the party?  Who else did you invite?!”

Ian leans in close enough for L to feel his breath…and see the mischief in his eyes.  “It’s… a… secre-”

“Ian Evans, I am going to murder you.”  

Ian laughs, turning back to hurry down the hall.  “Trystan warned me about your kind’s violent tendencies!”   

L wavers as he turns away, a little stung. She knows it’s a joke, but some part of her is hurt by the sentiment. Was that fair? He didn’t mean-  it’s not like he-  

She is fae after all. And Trystan would know, wouldn’t he? 

She gets to her feet, hurrying to catch up. He’s slowed down to count doors, finally stopping in front of one with an emblazoned bronze number 4 on it. 

“Fairies first.”

L hesitates, eyeing the door with suspicion. “Better not be a bag of spoons behind this.”  She puts her jacket sleeve over the doorknob and turns, stepping inside. 

The room has been themed to look like a section of the Underground, with a low table, a large tv screen, and…her father and mother, staring up at her with identical blank looks.

"Mum? Dad?" 

“...I’m sorry, do we-”  Her father starts, then stops in a flash of recognition. " L?!"  Her mum is already to her feet, scooping L into a big hug.   

"I would have sent a picture if I'd known!" L laughs. Her father wraps his arms around both of them. 

"You've got your mum's hair back! That's a good choice!”

“So what is this?  No wings?”   Mrs Morgan asks, breaking away to prod gently at L’s back.   “Is this…permanent, too?”

L shakes her head.  “Just for tonight!”  She extends her arm, showing the bracelet with a flash of pride.  “It’s called a glamour! It changes my appearance as long as I wear it!”

“No!”  Mrs Morgan chirps. “That’s amazing!  Do you get to choose?”

“Oh… yes, actually! They’re all different, the merchant let me try on a few after I told her what I wanted. Here, I took photos - ”

The two women begin excitedly chatting as Mr. Morgan crosses the room to Ian, who’s closing the door.  

"Sorry, didn’t think traffic would be so bad." Ian apologises. 

“Not at all. The timing’s perfect. Let’s order something while they catch up.” Mr. Morgan holds out his hand, and after a moment of reflexive surprise, Ian gives it an enthusiastic shake.  


+++


A whole spread of all things deep fried, pickled, salted and sauced is laid out in a decadent display across the low serving table.  Mr Morgan and Ian enjoy hefty pints of amber ales while L and her mother sip equally colourful cocktails. Conversation bounces back and forth for a while as everyone catches up, but eventually it settles into L’s parents circling, asking her for stories. 

And she has no shortage of stories to share of exotic customers, performances, and behind the scenes shenanigans.

“... and …and…he was so drunk he thought I put rowan in his drink! I k-kept telling him it was mint but he didn’t believe me, and Trystan had to come talk them down! I h-had to drink the whole thing just to prove it!”

Mrs Morgan wipes away a tear of laughter.  “And this is just your every day?”

“I know!”  L grins delightedly.  “Bit different from Cromart, except for the hours.”

“And this Hedrick fellow sets those for you, does he?”  Mr. Morgan interjects.

“He’s  not asking you to do anything…”  Mrs Morgan gives L a meaningful glance over her glasses. L shakes her head quickly.

“N-no!  Not a chance! Mum, I promise it’s not like that.”

“I just want to make sure you’re alright.”  She smiles a little sadly, taking a sip from her drink. “We know you’re…finding your own way out there, but we really would like to come see you at work. One of these days.” 

“You make it sound so, well…magical.”  Mr. Morgan starts, waving idly in the air looking for the words.  “Besides, it’d be a chance to meet more people like…you.”

“I-”  L starts.  She doesn’t know how to answer, but the longer she takes to respond, the more awkward the silence grows.   Eventually she just forces herself to stammer out something. “Th-there’s - well, I’m still settling, you know, still some things to work out, b-but after… after… you’re both totally invited.”

“L it’s been months.”  Mrs Morgan starts slowly, as if picking the words carefully.  “Don’t tell me it’s… uncomfortable to admit your parents are just….”   She gestures to the two of them. L jolts.

“OH!  NO.  Mum, no, it’s n-nothing like that. It’s…”  L massages her wrist, forcing herself to relax. It's trickier than she'd thought. 

Spencer
The bookkeeper
The debt
The mystery

She finds Ian’s eyes, sitting just beyond her parents.   He mouths something at her but she can’t make it out.

“L?” Mr. Morgan leans closer. “Are you in…some kind of trouble?”  

L rockets back to the moment.  “NO! Absolutely not!”

“Then what needs so much time to settle? Just a quick visit can’t cause any - “ 

“The truth is…!”  Ian interjects in a slightly forced tone.  “The truth is…” 

 Everyone turns to look - the Morgans with expressions of curiosity, L in unabashed desperation. Ian closes his eyes, breathes out a sigh, then opens up with all the charm he’s garnered as a bartender.  

“L’s been practising to perform something live for you both, and she’s too shy to admit it’s not quite there yet. Actually, that’s why I thought this would be a perfect first date.  She can test the waters.”

L chokes. She’s not sure whether her parents’ smiles - delighted - or Ian’s smile - pure evil - is worse. 

“EXCUSE me, but I-I am off the clock.”

Ian lifts his drink. "Little liquid courage…?" 

"You literally sell that."

Ian bursts into laughter.  "Fair point! Alright, then. Time to lead by example." He stands up, takes the selection pad and begins flipping through the songs. "Got any tips?" 

"Um…uh…s…stay in the moment." L subsides, taking a quick sip of her own glass, letting the relief and alcohol seep through her in equal measure. "Don't think about what you're up there doing, just go for it." 

"That's actually some really bloody good advice, mate." Ian says, shifting from leg to leg.  "Oh... hey, this one is perfect. Duet, though, any other takers?"

He waves the second microphone back and forth.  Mrs Morgan gives her husband a cheeky look, pinching him in the side until he downs the rest of his drink and gets to his feet. 

 “Alright! Command performance it is, eh, Mr. Evans?”

Ian winks. “You got it, Mr. Morgan.”

He punches in numbers, straightening.   L's smile broadens, and she slips into her own advice, leaning back. As they rattle into a not-quite-out-of-tune chorus, rising above the piano, it’s easy to relax into the night. 

To fall into Ian’s easy smile and sparkling eyes as he and her father belt out the lyrics to "Hey Jude".





L and Mrs. Morgan stand outside the Karaoke bar, both tucked in their spring jackets and taking in the night air.  The sun has long since set, and even with the city lights the stars are still visible dotted in amongst the cloud cover moving in.   

“It was nice of Ian to go with your father to get the car.” Mrs. Morgan remarks.

“They were really hitting it off tonight, weren’t they.”  L grins.

“Oh, I don’t know, I think Ian’s attention was firmly elsewhere.   Don’t think I didn’t see you two stealing each other’s drinks!”

L smiles, her face growing warm as the car drives up. She can see Ian animatedly sharing a conversation with her father from the passenger seat, just as Mrs. Morgan pulls her into another hug.

“Good luck on the rest of your date, hun.   I know it’s a bit…unconventional that your father and I showed up, but I think Ian just…”  She smiles fondly.  “He’s just a little worried for you is all.”

“He does that, yeah.”  L says apologetically. Mrs. Morgan nods, then darts her a sharp glance.

“You’re not on the pill, are you?” 

“I’m not… mum… what?” L sputters. Mrs. Morgan’s glance sharpens even further. 

“Then make sure Ian uses protection.”

“MUM!! It’s our first date.”  L sputters. Mrs. Morgan’s eyes could cut diamonds. L finally throws up her hands, too flustered to do anything but nod. “Okay mum I promise.”

“Good.”  Mrs. Morgan grins and pulls her daughter in for one last hug.  “I’m all for grandkids, but maybe not quite yet.”

It’s a relief for L to see Ian clambering out of the car, holding the door open to trade places. Mrs. Morgan climbs in, beaming happily as Mr. Morgan leans out past her.   

"Oh, and Ian? Be good to our daughter, there's a strict curfew of whenever you're both tired, and she's not to go dancing in any toadstool rings or bring back spiders. Got it?"

Ian shoots him a quick salute. "I'll be sure to check her pockets, Mr. M."

"I don't have any anymore!" L quietly wails.

"Why do you think you lost them?" Ian smirks. 

"Well, it's not spider-related." L grouses.

"And you owe us a proper visit." Mrs. Morgan interjects, pushing her husband back. "The BOTH of you."

"...yes, Mum." L blinks a few times, smiling. She can feel the last of the tension leaving her shoulders. "As soon as we can.”

They offer a little wave, and take off.

"Ahhh... that was great!" Ian says as he rolls his shoulders.

“So.”  L starts, looking down the street in both directions. “What’s the rest of this date look like? Any more surprises?”

“Well…!”  Ian starts, looking sheepish.  He swings the rucksack off his shoulder and holds it forward.  “I guess it’s time.”

L feels a sudden burst of excitement as he passes it to her, but hesitates.  “Is… it going to explode when I open it?”

“Possible.”  Ian shrugs. L chuckles, then yanks it open and reaches inside. She pulls out a pair of trainers. 

“Ian, what…”

“I wanted us to explore downtown.  Wherever you want.”  He explains.  “Anywhere you’ve wanted to go but been too nervous or, you know.”  He shrugs.  “And I guessed your heels would be killing you, so.”   

L looks down to her pumps.  It took her long enough to get used to the concept of heels, and walking this far in them - outside, even - is still a challenge. Ian’s still explaining, starting to fumble.  

“N-not to overstep or… be overly caretakery, yeah?  If you’re good, you’re good, don’t want another turnip incident-”

“Ian, they’re grand.”  L says, putting a hand on his chest and smiling up at him. His momentary fluster melts, and he smiles back.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.  Here, just give me a minute to…”

She slides off her jacket and sets it across the metal bench, protecting her from the iron, while she changes out her shoes. The pumps go unceremoniously in the bag, which Ian scoops up.

“I don’t mind carrying it if-”

“I insist.”  Ian says, then gestures to the riverwalk along the Thames.   “Lead the way!”

She looks around, turning over the question and taking in the area. “My old flat’s back that way.  Mind if we swing by?   I know it’s a little silly, but...”

“Anywhere. You. Want. To. Go.”  Ian says, punctuating each word, and twirls his hand to gesture her forward. 

They make idle chit chat as they go, Ian starting on about some football team. L follows along at first, but after a while, she starts to struggle to keep up. The walk clears ahead of her, shapes fading away. 

Something unnerving’s creeping in at the edges of her vision. Just a little beyond.

A little behind.

A little ahead. 

There’s a woman in an overlarge jacket, stumbling through a night just like tonight, asking for help, waiting for her to step forward and no one is here and no one can help and all she can do is-

“...L!”

L blinks.   

There are people around her again. Ian’s jogging up to her, smiling worriedly. 

“You alright, mate? You just…took off.”  

“I did…?”  Had she? “Where had I…” When did she…

She pushes it to the back of her head, breathing in slowly. Tasting the night air, listening to the people walking past. All the little human things she can use to anchor herself. 

“I don’t know.  That was really weird.”

“Here.  Let’s just sit down a moment.”  Taking her by the hand, he leads her to the next closest bench, and spreads his own jacket for her to rest on. “Is that okay? All the iron’s covered?”

She sits down, feeling a little embarrassed, and nods.  “No iron.  Thanks.”

They sit together in silence, the waves of the Thames splashing below.  The street lamps around emit a soft glow, each with their little clouds of insects circling in their inevitable spirals.

“Want to talk about it?”  Ian asks. 

She stares out over the river, pulling her down the current.   That feeling again, tugging at her.

“I’m fine. Promise.”   She reassures him, ignoring the dizziness at the back of her mind.  How could she possibly explain?  “Sorry, I… I’m not trying to ruin our date…”

He looks at her, steady and long.  “Here… one second.”  Ian looks up at the lamp, then stands and carefully scoops up the closest fluttering shape in his hands.  Bringing it down, he shows it to her.   “Do you… know what this is?”

“Peppered moth.” L says immediately, watching the little black and white creature tiptoe over his thumb. Ian holds it next to L’s hand, letting it crawl across to her. She turns her hand over, following along until the moth reaches the tip of her finger. It lifts its wings, then flutters away into the night. 

As she watches it leave, L realises the dizziness is gone. She smiles, a little sheepishly. 

“Thanks, Ian. Guess I’d gotten kind of lost there.”

Ian folds his hands and nods gently, just sitting there waiting. L leans back, looking up at the lights.

“I was thinking about Neith… that first night. Well.. sort of.   I don’t know.”   L folds her hands between her knees and looks down.   “Something else, but I don’t know how to...  Anytime I start to get close I…”  She waves her hands and splays them out, like a cloud of insects dispersing.   “Like that.  I can’t put words to it.”

“Something about the date?”   He asks gently.

She shakes her head.   “No.  That’s been lovely.”

“Even the parents?” Ian asks anxiously.  “I know that was a bit…”

“...unconventional, Mum said.”  She smiles.   “Bit of a turnip idea, isn’t it?”

“Is that good or bad?”

She smiles at him warmly. Ian breathes out a sigh of relief.  

“It was great seeing them. Promise. And then they wanted to…come visit, and thanks for the save, I mean it, but…the way I couldn’t answer…”

L trails off with a shrug. Ian waits a little longer before breaking the silence himself.

“…Trystan says he's decided to officially start my apprenticeship.”  He opens, talking more to the air in front of him then her. “Take me to the apothecary district and show me the ropes. I was worried, being human and all, but he says there’s nothing to it. You just need the right setup and the proper ingredients, and even someone like me can do magic.”   He glances her way and smiles.  “Isn’t that cool?”

“Ian, that's great.”  She offers, wishing she could match his enthusiasm. He doesn’t seem bothered, at least.

"It’s just different, y'know? Never thought I’d be doing anything like that. Did what I could with school, wasn’t any good at sports…never thought I’d get out of Cromart. Never thought I’d get out of home, even. So thinking about settling into something I'm excited about? Something I could be good at? It's nice, innit?  For once in my life I feel like I have a whole future ahead of me, and I’m excited for it.”

Their fingers interlace, and he looks over to her.  “What about you?

She's quiet. Somewhere up ahead, there’s happy cheering, and a quick, tantalising scent of deep-fried foods. Ian nods to himself, then stands.  “Here, I want to show you something.”

She offers him a fragile smile, taking his hand and standing.  “O-okay.”  

And follows after.


+++


 There's some kind of fair or festival happening, something that must have been announced while she was in the Market. L catches her breath, taking it in. Rows of lighted booths. Crowds of happy people with wonderfully ordinary, wildly unhealthy food. And snaking through the tents and vendors is an actual roller coaster, just close enough that she's questioning how safe it is for the passersby. It's not extensive - just a large drop and a few spiralling turns - but from the shouts and screams it sounds fast. As L watches, a set of cars creaks up the slope. 

"...did they just set all this up?" She asks, wonder in her voice. "Just like that?"

"Just for the season.  Have you ever been on a roller coaster before?" Ian asks as they get into line. L shakes her head. 

“To be honest…”  She looks nervously up at the coaster rising overhead.  “These things always looked a bit frightening.”

Ian stares at her, gobsmacked.   “But you can fly!”  He hisses under his breath.

She lightly smacks him.  “I know, but that’s different.”

“Different how?”

“When I fly I’m in control.”  She whispers.  “And even then, half the times I crash.”

Ian looks up at the coaster, then nods to himself happily.  “Then it’s perfect.”

She stares at Ian as if his head had just fallen off.  “Excuse me?”

He laughs and waves.  “You’ll see!”

The line lurches ahead, and she’s not so sure she believes that this will help.  If anything it’s ratcheting up that feeling inside her.  People file in behind her and she can feel the current, like the river, starting to sweep her along. 

“Ian, I’m not-”

“Okay, here’s your mission.”

Her mouth snaps shut and she listens.

“This, what we’re getting on?  It’s meant to scare you.   It’s meant to feel a little bit dangerous.   Kind of like, whatever this thought is that’s hovering over you is, yeah?    When we get on, all your instincts are gonna be screaming at ya as we climb that first hill.”  He grabs her around the shoulders.  “Each click feeling all that much worse, that inevitability rising inside you, climbing up to take you.   All your instincts, everything that makes you you, is gonna be telling you to clamp down.  To close your eyes.   To turn in and hide.  And what I want you to do?”

He releases her and steps back, extending his arms over his head.  “Let go!”  He says loudly.  A few people turn to stare, but he doesn’t care. “Just let go and spread your arms and scream all that feeling out!  That’s the only way to fully experience it.”

"Fully experience falling out of a roller coaster?"

Ian thinks about it a minute. “Yes.”

“Is this because I said I was going to kill you?”  L asks, her eye twitching.  “Pre-emptive revenge?”

The line moves forward again.

“Hey, if I’m wrong and the cart goes twirling off the track,” Ian shrugs, “then we get to die together!”

“Okay, I know you’re having a laugh, but that’s not funny.”

And then, somehow, it’s already their turn to climb into the carts. She could have sworn they were so far back in the line, and now she’s walking toward her seat… is this some sort of terrible magic? Has Ian trapped her in some sort of spell? The cart’s made of some polymer at least, not iron, but that’s a cold comfort.  

Ian clambers in and offers her a hand,  and when she hesitates he grins and tugs her so she practically falls into the cart.   

“Jerk.”  L says, laughing nervously.

“Sorry, I should have brought some liquid courage along with me.”

“From the Karaoke place?”

“From the Glade.”

She settles herself in the seat and her heart is really pounding now, banging away in her chest so loud it feels painful. “Maybe I’ll just die of a heart attack before the ride and save us both the trouble.”

“Ah c’mon, it’s not going to be so bad.” Ian says, clicking her seatbelt shut. A bored-looking teenager wanders by and pulls the bar down over their laps.

“Ian…!”  L squeaks.  "...are you absolutely, POSTIVELY sure about this...?"

Ian taps out a happy drumbeat on the side of the cart, craning his neck. "Well it's too late now." 

"Thanks." L wriggles in place, trying to keep as far back as the bar will let her. The little light over the track turns from red to green, and Ian’s left arm loops around her shoulder.  "Don't worry, I'll be here the whole time. I’m not going to let anything happen to you."

There's a loud beep and the coaster shifts into gear, lurching forward.

"Can you reverse time and get me out of this?!" L huddles as close as she can, leaning into Ian's arm. 

The coaster starts to rattle up the first hill, clicking with each inevitable second forward. The fair and people below them pull away faster than she thought they would, and London's skyline emerges clear over the Thames. Ian pulls her tighter against him, and she can feel his heart racing. His hair flying in the wind, his eyes bright as they catch the starlight.

He's looking ahead, excited.  

The wheels click underneath them. L tries to keep her eyes pointed ahead as well, to feel what he's feeling, but it's no good. All she can see is the way the track tilts away at an impossible-looking angle. 

“Ian, I can't do this!”  She barks out, curling into herself. It’s everything he said not to do, but she can’t help it.  “I can’t do this…!  I need to get off!!”

“You can do this!   You can totally do this!”

“What if something goes wrong?!”

“Then something goes wrong!”

Here she is. Climbing steadily but surely to the drop. 

“What if… what if I make a mistake?  What if I get hurt or you get hurt or everything falls apart and everything’s my fault and I can’t… I can’t…”

“L…!”  He shouts back, it’s getting harder and harder to hear over the wind.

“I don’t know what to do!” She shouts back

The clicking slows to a stop.   She forces herself to look up.   

And for one crystal clear moment all of London lay before her, the city lights sparkling off of the Thames, high above, high in the wind and a thousand miles away, beyond anything that could ever touch her.

“Just…”   Ian’s voice, filtering through the wind.  “... let go!”

She releases her grip.

The coaster tilts forward

Her arms go up

The city shimmers below

Cold wind fills her lungs

Ian releases her

And she screams and screams and screams as the ride carries her through.  Six months and a lifetime ago, the trajectory of her life, leaping from the top of a sky scraper and embracing the dark. 

And now

It will change again.




It is the most alive she has ever felt.

“Flying has NEVER felt like that!”  She says, eyes wide, laughing and bright.   

“Impossible.”

“Ian, I'm serious.”  L grins manically.   She can’t seem to stop shaking. Or talking.  “That was amazing!!  You were so right!  I just let go and it was like EVERYTHING fell away and it was just, it was so fast!  And the way it turned over and over, and people were flying by?”

“I know!”  Ian grins “And then that final loop around at the end?”

“I thought I was going to die the entire time.”  L laughs, blowing out a long breath and leaning up against a wall.  

After a minute, she notices Ian is watching her.   Shyly, she brushes some hair out of her eyes.   “What is it?”

“I got it.”  She looks at him curiously, and he shrugs.   “What I wanted.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re going to make fun of me.”

“No no, I promise.  What?”

He hesitates, then smiles.  “Your unguarded smile.”

L’s face goes scarlet.

“You’ve been holding back a little, all night.  But now it’s just…”   He runs his hand along her chin and tilts her face up to look at him.  “You.”

She touches his hand gently, breathlessly.   “Hey, Ian?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s not go back.”  He watches her, confused.  A little thrill goes through her. He doesn’t realise yet. She smiles, feeling her cheeks go hot and her body tighten, a slight coppery tang in the back of her throat.   “Let’s stay out all night.”

"Stay-" The realisation hits him and his eyes widen. "L, you serious?"

She nods.  “Th-that is… if you want to.”   A pang of panic.   A drop of fear.

His breath quickens. He takes her hand and pulls her into a long kiss. Their first kiss. Soft and warm, whiskey on his lips and the stubble rough as sandpaper against her face.  His breath leaving him and entering her, and his whole body tightening against hers, heart picking up, muscles going taut. God, she wants this, she wants this more than anything.   She can feel her own body responding and pulling tight.

It feels like an eternity before L pulls away. His breath is warm on her cheek, and she smiles hazily. There’s the faintest taste of whiskey still on her lips.




Outside the hotel window, fireworks flicker over the Thames, painting the room in flashes of pink and purple and white. L sits upright in the covers and nothing else, apart from the glamour still circling her wrist.

Ian shifts closer to her, his own clothes lying in a haphazard heap in the corner. His arm circles around her waist and he kisses her softly on the neck.

"Hey..."

L stirs. Her eyes are on the fireworks through the glass, but her hand drifts back to curl around the back of Ian's neck, holding him close.

"Hey."

Ian lowers his chin, resting gently on her shoulder.

She goes very quiet, before lowering her hand to shift the covers and leaning against his exposed chest.   “I wish tonight could last forever.”

Ian breathes in her hair.   Moonflower, soft and warm and floral.   Like someone out of a storybook.   “There can always be tomorrows.   I can take you to the museum, or shows, or picnics in the park.   All sorts of things.   We have our whole lives ahead of us.”

She goes very quiet, and a slight chill envelopes the room. L forces her eyes to refocus, blinking back tears before they can form. She lets her gaze settle on their blurred reflections in the window. Two shapes, resting against each other, revealed by each flash of light.  

Trying to hold onto it.   Trying to hold onto this moment.

"You're going to the Wilds, aren't you." 

She chokes, her eyes going huge and dark. L’s breath catches as she tries to hold it in, but it only builds inside of her.

“L, look at me.”

Time freezes.  She doesn’t want to.  But he’s patient, and he waits, and eventually, she turns.

“It’s okay.”  He smiles.

L bursts into heaving racking sobs.

“Hey hey, shhhhhhh…”  She buries herself in him, clinging at him desperately and wanting so so badly to never let go.   “You’re alright, mate.  Just let it out.”   His hand find hers and she laces her fingers in his, holding tight, crying until she can cry no longer. Ian holds her the entire time, until there’s nothing left but aching hiccups and painful ghosts.

"H-how long have you known?" L asks, finding her voice.

Ian finally stirs to answer.  "Back after your second seance with Lyra. When you first said that’s where you needed to go. ”

“That long?”

“Yeah.”

L hesitates.  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

He pulls her close. Against his chest.  Such a small, fragile thing.  “Because I knew you’d fight me.”

She wants to object, but…

“You could have asked me to stay.”  L says, almost mournfully.

A moment of silence. Consideration.  “You know, I could have.  I knew you would if I did, but…”   He trails his fingers through her hair.   Runs along the edges of her ear.  “But this is what you need to do.”

L's lip trembles.  “I-Ian… I”

 He kisses her along her jaw. "Shhhh.   It’s okay.   It’s all going to be okay now."

"I won't let anything happen to you." She whispers.

“L…” He grips her arms. "You can't promise me that."

"I don't care." Something else has crept into her voice, something fierce slipping through.  "I'm so sorry." 

“For what?”

She shudders, then whispers, her hair spilling forward.   “For leaving you behind.”

The words sting, she knows it.  She can feel it strike his chest like an arrow.   He’s quiet for a long time.  Eventually he slides around her so that he's facing her, his chest exposed. His eyes are red and tears streak along the contours of his face.   "Staying behind so you can go, that's my decision. And I've already made it. Whatever happens to me, no matter what the King says, it was my decision."

"Then… why are you so calm?"  She asks.

“Because I know you’ll come back to me.”   Ian smiles, tracing along her body.  “In one way or another.  And… most importantly… my heart is going with you.  Whatever you face there, whatever nightmare… in those quiet moments, I’ll be there.”

He reaches over, drawing her tears away.  “Believing in you.”

She takes his hand in both of hers, and kisses the palm.

He smiles.  “But… that’s tomorrow, right?  We still have tonight.”

“We’ll always have tonight.”  She says.

The blankets slip from L as she sits up, looking down at him. She reaches for her arm, slips the bracelet off to let it fall to the bed. 

A soft, unearthly wind stirs Ian's hair as antennae uncurl from L's head. Her hair lightens, wings unfold from her back. She sits outlined by city lights, quiet tears, trickling past her aching smile. 

"Why did it take so long..." She shakes her head, amber dancing in her eyes. "...why can't the moment last longer?"

"Because we're both idiots."

L coughs out a laugh. "M-maybe." Her wings flicker, and she bends down, kissing him softly and murmuring in his ear. "Let's be idiots together, then. Just a little longer."

He shivers, then wraps his arms around her, hoisting her up and falling backwards into the bed L laughs again, this time without the hoarseness. Her wings flare, one of them snagging the bedside lamp and knocking it away. Her fingers tangle in his hair, and she falls against his chest, nipping at his lip. 

She can feel him pull her tight as they roll in the covers. He climbs up on top of her, pinning one wrist over her head as his breath picks up.

The last of the fireworks outside go off and the night sky fading to stars. "We still have a few hours before dawn." Ian grins, his breath hot on her neck. "And then in seven days, I'll be here waiting to take you back."

And the moment reaches out to embrace them both.

Ch10 "What We Leave Behind" will be available Friday June 7th at 12p EST!

Well, it's been a long time coming! Was it everything you hoped for? I certainly think it was for L! But what's love without a bit of tragedy.

Thanks for reading, and can't wait to share the next chapter
Have a great Friday!

-Heart