Avelyn - I exist (Patreon)

"For a long time, I could only be happy at 1:00 am, hiding in my room, trying not to make any sound so I wouldn’t wake up anybody while wearing a skirt and a top that I had taken from my sister’s room.

Barefoot, with hair barely long enough to cover my forehead and part of my ears. Nervous but excited, because that was the only moment I could dream with the freedom I had wished for my whole life.

I did not exist for anyone else. The only thing they knew about me was a lie, a role I had to play to survive. I liked to dream about how things could be if I didn’t have to pretend.

What I always wanted was to be seen, I wanted someone to know that someone different lived under this facade, I desired to exist not only for myself, but for someone else. I needed to hear that I wasn’t out of my mind, but that people were too blind to see beyond what eyes can perceive.

“Perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there’s someone there to see us existing”

Everybody pretended there was nothing more to see.

If I was the only one, then I wanted to see a proper reflection in the mirror, the closest image to what I should have been.

I saved enough money to buy a wig in a costume shop. It was the only place I knew where I could get one. Scared and shaking, I took the first wig I found. I paid for it and went home.

I hadn’t even paid enough attention to the package. When I took the wig out of it, I realized how bright its red color was, its low quality and the twin braids style it had, just like Wednesday Addams.

Again I dressed in my sister’s clothes and after that I put on the wig over my head.

I unbraided the wig to simulate loose hair. I’m sure I looked ridiculous, but at that time it was the closest I had been to seeing myself.

I always hated taking photos of myself, however I didn’t feel so disgusted with what I saw, and so I took this one.

Today I’m ashamed to see it, but I can’t deny this kind of experience was what helped me get through.

It’s been a long way and so many things have changed.

Today I have long hair, I don’t need to borrow my sister’s clothes, I have my own. I don’t have to hide anymore, and I’m not alone.

I didn’t have any hope for a long time,  but today…

I exist."

So ^^ This is Avelyn when she was around 14 years old, just trying to survive.

A few more details:

She does have an older sister who suspects of Avelyn sometimes stealing her clothes, and every once in a while she confronts her about it (she doesn't know Avelyn is trans, and even if she knew, she wouldn't be okay with it at this point) 

Avelyn envies her sister A LOT. She doesn't hate her, actually she admires and respects her, but she can't help but feel like she should have been like her sister and have similar experiences, instead of just watching her do all the things she can't do. I've written about that, but I think that text is too depressing, so I don't think I'll post it D:

She hasn't chosen a name yet at this point, so her name is no Avelyn yet, but we do't need to talk about her deadname x)

Every time her parents find out about Avelyn stealing her sister's clothes or bringing other clothes home, it doesn't go well at all for Lynn. They know Lynn does this since she's 9, but it gets worse over time, and at some point they even start hitting her. That's why she leaves when she's 16.

Even tho Lynn knew her sister would't be too excited to know that she wanted to be a girl, she wanted to trust her and tell her the truth, with the hopes that she may finally have someone to know who she really was, however Lynn never had the courage and felt hurted because her sister didn't do anything when her parents yelled at her.

That's Lynn's first wig (and the only one, until she meets Elizabeth who gives her another one with their natural hair color). She only wears it a couple times before her parents find it and throw it away and she's only left with her short hair.

Talking about Elizabeth, at this point she's 17, and is going through hell because she recently lost her parents and has been diagnosed with cancer. They don't know each other yet.

I've been writing the story for the manga and I think I have the first 3 episodes finished and have a total of 25 episodes planned so far. It may get a bit longer, but right now I think that should be enought to tell most of their story together. If I add more, it may be to explore my other OCs' stories.

I think that's it for now ^w^ <3

(Hey, if you want a little spoiler, Avelyn's sister accepts her in the future and she supports her a lot too.)