But I Swear You're Really Pretty, Part 4 (Rewritten) (Patreon)

Edit: I made just a few additions to some dialogues. More than anything, I wanted to add this note:

From this chapter, you will start to see more about the real Elizabeth, not just the ideal girl who can make Lynn's dreams come true. Keep in mind that Lizzy is navigating her own depression and may act in ways you may not agree with (especially in future chapters), but it certainly is part of her development. After all, this is a story about two broken people learning to love themselves so that they can be loved by others and love each other. This story will have a happy ending, I promise ^^

Hope you enjoy it! And I'll try to post chapter 5 tomorrow <3

What I Learnt From My Mother

When I was 12, and my hair reached between my waist and hips, I loved to spend the rainy summer afternoons sitting in my room, watching the outside from behind my window. 

The view from there wasn't anything special; it was just a wide, calm street across which more big houses had been built. I didn't pay attention to the cars or the few people walking through, no. My mind was focused on the music from my earphones. My blue eyes kept moving but observed nothing in particular. The rain always has had a relaxing effect on me, and I enjoyed mixing both things to get in the proper mood to daydream. 

Every now and then, my imagination would be interrupted by a car stopping at my door. Mom was a psychotherapist, and her patients would come to our living room, which she used as a consulting room. I saw many different people coming in and out our front door over the years, but there's one particular person I will never forget. 

One day, a grey car stopped in front of our home. Two adults came out of its doors, and after them, a young girl around my age. She was gorgeous; Her hair was blonde, long, and straight. She wore a pink, frilly dress, tiny bows on her hair, white socks, and pink shoes. She looked like a princess; even her facial features were delicate and soft, except for her expression. She looked saddened, almost angry. 

She was not the first child I had seen visiting my mom, but she stood out so much for me because of her beauty. 

She didn't notice me in the window that day. Because of my room's location, you had to look up and to the right, but it was easier to stare at the door after ringing the bell. Most people never saw me there.

She came into our home.

I saw her come back two more times until she finally looked up and realized I was there. I smiled and waved, but she didn't react. Her parents still didn't notice me.

The next time she was there, she immediately looked at my window, and there I was, admiring her beauty. I had even dressed in one of my elegant dresses and wore a red bow on my hair, hoping she would want to talk with me. Maybe we could be friends, right? She smiled shyly as I waved to her, but then she bowed her head, took a part of her dress between her fingers, and didn't look up again. She and her parents just went in when Mom opened the door. 

I continued to expect her visits, wishing we could chat sometime. Most of the time, she didn't look at me. It was as if she was ashamed of something, as if she tried to hide herself. Only a few times I could see her smile, and despite how insecure she looked, it was bright as day. 

But then... One day, the same grey car stopped. I was excited; I knew when she would come to therapy, and even though it wasn't raining, I awaited there, sitting by my window. 

The car's doors opened, and both parents descended from it. Then, a boy I didn't know. Blonde, short and messy hair, a printed white T-shirt, green cargo shorts, and white sneakers. Perhaps he was her brother, I thought, but then he looked straight at my window and waved to me. My mouth opened slightly; I'm sure my eyes showed my surprise, even though I tried my best to look calm. I waved back and smiled. He looked down and went in with his parents. 

It was her. It had to be her, but what happened? Why was her hair cut like that? Why was she wearing those clothes and not her beautiful dresses? What are they doing to that poor girl?!

As soon as the therapy session ended, I asked Mom what those two were doing to her daughter. She would never talk about her patients, but I think she wanted to teach me something that day.

"Why did they cut her lovely hair, Mom?" I asked angrily, "And why are they making her wear those ugly clothes? What's wrong with them?"

"Oh, Birdie. You don't understand. Calm down, I will explain. Tell me," she asked as she got closer to me and took a strand of my hair in her hand. "Do you like your hair?"

"I love my hair, and I would never forgive anyone who dared to cut it or damage it in any way!"

"What about your clothes? Do you like to wear dresses and skirts?"

"Of course I do!"

"And what about your name? Do you think Elizabeth is a pretty name?"

"It is! I adore my name!"

"What about Eric? Or maybe Ethan? Wouldn't you like to have a name like that?"

"Those are boy's names, Mom! Of course not!"

"Wouldn't you like to be a boy, then?"

"Ewwww, NO! Why on earth would I want to be a boy?!"

"Of course you wouldn't; you're a girl! But how would you feel if everyone thought you were a boy? Just imagine this for a moment, okay, Birdie? What if you were you, just as you are, with all your hopes and dreams and likes and dislikes, but everyone thought you looked like a boy, and therefore, they wanted you to act like a boy? What if they wouldn't let you wear dresses and wanted you to wear pants and shirts instead? What if they insisted your name is Elliot and not Elizabeth?

"Wh-Why..."

"You should be playing football," Mom continued, "not with dolls. That's what they'd said. Everyone who saw you as a boy would tell you that makeup is for girls and you should be learning to fix cars and to get your hands dirty with oil."

"Why would they say that? I am a girl!"

"But they can't see it, my dear. For them, you are a boy. And they are wrong; you are a girl indeed, but in this example, their eyes show them a boy when they look at you. And it's cruel for you, isn't it?"

"Is that... Is that what's happening with that girl's parents?"

"No, sweetheart, it's the other way around. That's not a girl, but a boy. And your eyes have told you he's a girl all along, and his parents thought the same. I mean, his body may be a girl's, but his mind is that of a boy, and he's been trapped in that place where everyone tells him he's a girl and should wear girls' clothes, and do girls' activities, have long hair, play with dolls, and all sorts of things he hates. Just imagine that happening to you, but the other way around. Your mind is the same, your heart is the same, but your body is that of a boy, and people treat you like a boy, even though you're still a girl inside. It sounds bad, don't you think?"

"That'd be hell..."

"That's right. His parents brought him in an attempt to make him act like a girl because that's what they thought he was, but they've come to accept that the only way he can be happy is if they accept him for who he is and let him be. Instead of forcing him to be their daughter, they accepted him as their son; they chose a new name and let him cut his hair, something he had wanted to do for years, and now he no longer has to wear those dresses he hates. He's starting to be himself, and it's scary because many people won't understand. I hope you do, Birdie; people like him really need people who understand there's more than meets the eye. Remember that you can make a difference in this world just by being kind to others."

"I still don't quite get it, Mom. I want to understand, but seeing such a pretty girl and then thinking that she—I mean, he—is a boy? I get what you say, but I still have trouble imagining myself giving up my hair and name and wearing his clothes. I don't get why he wouldn't want to be a girl."

"'Cause you're a girl, and he's not. Remember, you're seeing it the other way around. If you were a transgender girl, and he was a boy both in and out, he may wonder why you wanted to be a girl and not a boy like him".

"Transgender? What's that?"

"That's someone born with certain body parts, but they identify as the opposite gender. If you had been born with a boy's body, we might have thought you were a boy until you expressed your desire to be a girl and wear skirts and all that. That would make you a transgender girl, but so far, it seems your mind and body are the same, so you're actually a cisgender girl. I am a cisgender woman; your dad is a cisgender man. There are even more identities and possibilities, but that's something for another time. Just remember to be open-minded; the world is more complex than you think."

That's how I learned a bit about transgender people. I wondered every now and then if someone I knew was trans, but I never got any confirmation, and I had a lot more to think about, so I forgot about this for a long time, and then... Lynn appeared and finally made me understand. What I didn't quite get from Mom's explanation, I did from Lynn's words. 

"'I just want to be a girl, wear pretty clothes, and have long hair,' she said.

She wanted to be like me. Perhaps she was like me, a girl who couldn't feel pretty.

"I lost my hair in the past, and it hurt me. " Elizabeth continued. " I still miss my long, beautiful hair. Out of pure disappointment with life, I've given up the pretty, elegant dresses and skirts I loved. I barely put any effort when I have to do my makeup anymore. I don't feel good about myself anymore. I had it all and lost it, but she never even had the chance, so I want to give her that. That's why I took her in, Val."

A young adult female was sitting across a small table before Elizabeth. She had brown, long, and wavy hair tied in a half-ponytail, brown, tired eyes with dark circles underneath them, and glasses. She wore black boots and a long beige coat that partially covered a short black dress. 

"And that's why you acted like a narcissist and offered her help and freaking heaven just so she fell at your feet."

"You know I'm not like that." Elizabeth shook her head slightly.

"I know, but still, you have hidden intentions, Blacklock."

"Of course I do! I want a friend, Valerie! Not just a sugar mommy who will give me money and a roof in exchange for sex but won't listen in the pillow talk."

"So my friendship means nothing to you," Valerie raised an eyebrow.

"You are my best friend, Val, but you often offer practical solutions. I'm grateful for all you do for me, and the sex is great, but I have feelings too, you know?"

Valerie slammed her palm on the table. "Stop that already! I'm not your sugar mommy, and I've never asked for sex. I've done my best to help you just because I care about you, but I'm not perfect. I'm a woman of rationality; I'm not great at giving words of encouragement."

"Oh, wow. You recognized you have flaws. Congratulations! And thank you for your generosity, Your Highness. So?" Elizabeth asked, "Can she stay?"

Valerie sighed and rolled her eyes. "Do I have any choice? You will do as you please, as always. Yet, of all the people she could have met, I'm glad it was you. Stubborn as you are, Blacklock, and as much as I disapprove of your methods, I know Avelyn is safe with you. She seems somewhat naive. Tell her not to trust the first idiot she meets out there next time."

"Lynn's not naive," Elizabeth replied while Valerie sipped from a glass of wine. "She was desperate. As the daughter of controlling parents, she's a great liar; she's just tired of the lies."

"I see no difference. She still made herself vulnerable in front of someone she didn't know. That will get her in trouble someday."

"Another reason for her to stay at a safe place."

"Well," Valerie huffed, "you've come and cried tears to get your way. What else do you want from me?"

"Two things: the bed and furniture I had asked you about for Lynn, 'cause she has been sleeping on my bed for now but won't last long sleeping on the sofa when I'm back, and hormonal treatment for her."

Valerie looked at Elizabeth, incredulous.

"Oh, sure," Valerie said sarcastically, "do you want me to change her DNA too? Why don't we zap her with a sex-changing laser now that we're on it?" 

"See? That's what I'm talking about; you're so aggressive sometimes. Don't get me wrong; I like it when you show you're a top and everything, but save it for the bedr—"

"Blacklock." Valerie interrupted. "You, too, need to save those stupid jokes for the appropriate moment. Sometimes, it looks like you can barely take anything seriously when we're talking."

"You turn me on when you're angry," Elizabeth smirked.

"Blacklock, are you serious right now?"

"Sorry! I'm too used to our normal conversations!"

"Well, I know, but we're talking about something of utter importance for Avelyn! Stop playing for a moment, gosh.

"You started! You didn't have to be so sarcastic."

"Enough!" Valerie took a deep breath. "Let me talk. I can't get her hormonal treatment. Avelyn's seventeen. Well, almost. She would need permission from her legal guardians to get hormonal therapy from any doctor. As much as that sucks—given her relationship with her progenitors—it is what it is. Thankfully, the legal age in this country is eighteen. Just be patient."

"You can do something, like pretending you're her mom or get her a fake ID. You can even ask one of your doctor friends—"

"You don't seem to understand," Valerie interrupted. "I don't mean it's outside of my capabilities; it's outside of what I feel comfortable doing."

Elizabeth looked disconcerted for a moment. "...Why?"

"Because I don't want to be medically or legally responsible for her. Do you want to help her? Great. If you want her to stay in my property, I'll allow it if you promise you won't get in trouble. I trust you enough for that. I understand she wants to change immediately, and I know you're eager to help, but I can't pretend I'm her mother or give her a fake identity as an adult. I won't be responsible if anything happens to her. And I'm not that old, you insolent jerk. I'm 22; no one would believe I'm her mother."

"Giving her a fake ID wouldn't be the most illegal thing you've done, Val."

"One thing is putting me and all my work at risk, and another is putting her health at risk."

"Oh, don't come up with such bullshit. You know we want a doctor so nothing bad happens; we want to take the safe path, Val! She's been taking who-knows-what in an attempt to change because she saw it on the internet. Wouldn't it be better if she had someone who knew what they were doing in charge of her treatment?"

"Okay, you got me. I simply don't want to put everything I have at risk because Avelyn can't wait just a bit longer. It's just another year; then, she'll be able to start hormones without any issues. It's not a matter of life or death. You're already there to help her with other things while she turns eighteen. I'm sure Avelyn can handle it."

"Everything went to hell for me in just months," Elizabeth said in a low voice. "And she has made a decision, Valerie. Lynn's risking herself because it's the only way she can do something. Why does she need to wait any longer? It's dumb at this point."

"I've made my decision, too."

"Valerie, please... I beg you this, I'll do anything, just—"

"I said no. You can't give Avelyn everything she needs just because you want her to see you in a good light, and you... Don't go out there saving kittens just to feel better about yourself. Think about the kitty, too."

"Didn't you do the same for me?" Elizabeth asked. "Didn't you get me out of the hospital because you wanted someone you knew wouldn't betray you? Someone you could trust and could never betray you?"

"It was merely for work. We became friends later. It's different with Avelyn. She probably already thinks of you as a real friend and…" Valerie stared at Elizabeth for a few seconds.

"...And?"

"...And don't bring your kitty here when she becomes too much for you to handle."

"The hell does that mean?"

"That was just me wishing I'd made an erroneous assumption about something, which rarely happens, unluckily. Go see your friend; she's been alone for four days, for pity's sake, Blacklock! I'll bring a few things for her later."

"Will you get her a—"

"No."

Elizabeth sighed and moved her head back, looking at the ceiling momentarily. Then, she looked at Valerie and stuck her tongue out.

"You're a bad sugar mommy," she said.

Elizabeth finally stood up and walked away,  leaving Valerie alone at the table.

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